


Spiraling in Peril

by jongkey_krisho



Series: The Donghuangzhongs [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Romance, Siblings, Smut, Violence, friendships, mafias au, tw: death (not nct characters), tw: implied rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:55:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 39,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24224671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jongkey_krisho/pseuds/jongkey_krisho
Summary: For the first time in his life, Si Cheng had been able to give his brothers a stable life. Renjun and Chen Le go to school, hang out with their friends and boyfriends, and can relax at home without fear of losing each other. Si Cheng no longer has to work in dangerous work conditions, and has even been thinking of going back to school to finish his education. At the end of the day, his friends are safe in their homes, his brothers asleep in their beds, and Si Cheng in Yuta’s arms.But soon Si Cheng’s reality starts crashing down. An old enemy from his past comes back and threatens to remove his one purpose in life. Yuta’s old gang life keeps coming back to haunt him. Renjun and Chen Le’s friends could get injured. Si Cheng’s newly founded peaceful life is getting torn to shreds. Will he be able to stop it before it gets too late?
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Nakamoto Yuta, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Kim Jungwoo/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Series: The Donghuangzhongs [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1695502
Comments: 53
Kudos: 156





	1. The Sun on a Summer Day

**Author's Note:**

> Before I disappear for a few weeks, I decided to give you guys the first chapter for the sequel as a gift!! remember to stay safe!!

“Holy shit, Si Cheng, why is this cabinet filled with so much candy?” Ten yelled, taking out a family size bag of M&M’s. “Halloween isn’t until the next few months, you know."

Si Cheng took a sip of his green tea. Ten had gotten out of his chair to get creamer for his coffee but decided at the last minute to raid some of Si Cheng’s food. “Renjun and Chen Le like a lot of flavors.”

Ten held up a box of Milk Duds. "You're telling me your brothers, who are strong advocates for Whoppers, eat these?"

Si Cheng couldn’t deny that the milk duds were his - they were, after all, his favorite. He tried to dodge the question, though, not wanting to prove that he was in the wrong. “Yuta is the one with the sweet tooth.”

Ten came back to the table, M&M’s in hand. “Yuta is my saving grace. Sometimes I forget he’s Johnny’s best friend, Johnny always complains about Yuta’s singing abilities.”

That Si Cheng could deny. Yuta had such a beautiful voice singing. Si Cheng and his brothers loved to do karaoke night, which Yuta would mainly spend watching his boyfriend sing since he couldn’t sing shit in Chinese. One time Si Cheng was singing to EXO’s history, and Yuta had asked him why there were English lyrics of ‘enjoy the mayo’. 

He knew about their obsession with the group, despite not really caring for it; he had his own preferences. Yet Yuta, of course, had immediately bonded with Chen Le over the Japanese discography, teaching him how to sing it in Japanese, and in no time, could do the choreography as well. 

From what he has told Si Cheng, he only really listened to Japanese groups, like Arashi, AAA, Exile and a thousand others. The girl group’s concepts gave Si Cheng a bit of a headache, but he knew Yuta also liked a rock group, One Ok Rock. The way Yuta would sing, though, either in the car, on his phone, or in the shower (sometimes with Si Cheng there - Yuta really didn’t care) would always put Si Cheng in ease. 

“Tell your boyfriend I need to have a few words with him,” Si Cheng said. “Yuta’s singing and this,” he gestured to his cup, “are my cup of tea.”

“Dear god, Chen Le and Renjun are teaching you slang,” Ten groaned, stuffing some M&M’s in his mouth. “You’re going to be 24 in a few months.”

“Yeah, in late October, it’s freaking July.” Si Cheng got up to put his cup of tea in the sink. “Hey, halloween  _ is  _ close to me and Yuta’s birthday, that’s why we always got our candy stocked.”

“Cool, you came up with an excuse like five minutes later.” 

“Okay boomer.”

“FIRST of all, I am  _ not  _ a boomer, second of all, your brothers need to stop teaching you slang!!”

  
  


***

“Okay, picture  _ this  _ drawing.” Jisung opened his expo marker and drew stick figures in a box on the whiteboard, writing notes here and there. “You draw BTS-”

“Cancelled,” Renjun shouted before returning to read his book.

“Renjun, stop being a toxic EXO-L and bringing down our name, we got to support other fandoms.” Chen Le looked at Jisung. “You may continue.”

“Okay,  _ so _ -” Jisung drew some cartoonish outfits on the stick figures, which looked more like squiggles. “BTS but with a  _ race car au _ -”

“Copying EXO’s Tempo,” Renjun interrupted again.

Chen Le glared at Renjun. “If you do that one more time I’m not going to draw your Luhan drawing anymore.”

“No, please, I’ve always imagined him in the Lotto concept.” Renjun put his book down and crawled next to Chen Le, shaking his younger brother’s arm. “You can’t do this to me!”

“Apologize.”

Renjun scoffed. “Sorry for speaking the truth-”

“Renjun-”

“Sorry for being a hurtful fan and not accepting their individualities.” Renjun put his head on Chen Le’s lap. “Please give me my Luhan drawing.”

Jisung rolled his eyes. “Luhan’s not even in EXO anymore-”

Both Renjun and Chen Le gasped. 

“You take that back!” Chen Le yelled at him. 

Jisung raised his hands up. “‘Kay, ‘kay, I’m sorry."

The three of them were in the loft upstairs, having their usual banter while their older brother talked to his friend downstairs. It was one of the last few days before they had to go back to school, with Renjun entering as a senior and Chen Le and Jisung as juniors. 

It was going to be Renjun’s last year of high school before going to college. He had just turned 17 a few months ago, and soon it’ll be 18. He still had no idea what he would study in college, but wasn’t the last year of high school supposed to help you with that?

Jaemin had been no help whatsoever. Sure, Renjun loved him to pieces, but Jaemin showing his unconditional love and support for whatever Renjun studied didn’t narrow down his search. 

He envied his younger brother, Chen Le. Chen Le wanted to become an art teacher for kids, so he was going to study Studio Art as his major. Renjun knew that Chen Le could do it; when Chen Le was a freshman, he took the starter drawing classes, but his teachers taught he was way advanced, so they put him in an AP class, 2-D art and design, where he got a perfect 5. He also took art history with Jisung and enjoyed it as well. 

Renjun didn’t like the AP classes, which were apparently really common in the US. He thought the US could suck it. 

In the basement, Si Cheng had built a little art corner for Chen Le; there was a little bookcase where Chen Le could keep art supplies, a paint-scattered desk, and an easel and a stool. Chen Le had just started learning painting a few months ago, yet it looked like he had been doing it for  _ years _ . Chen Le could rant about the different types of paints and their uses and the different numbers and letters on pencils and Renjun had no clue. He was perfectly fine with using colored pencils on a fill-in-the-blank or flowers, thank you very much. 

When Si Cheng bought Chen Le his first canvas, a rather large one, Chen Le had drawn a water-color painting of their mother based on Si Cheng’s photograph and given it to Si Cheng as a gift. The latter had cried a lot and kept it in the photo area in the living room. 

Yeah, photo area. Over the years, Si Cheng always printed out photos of the younger brothers and kept them; it was one of the only things he had brought when they had run away those months ago. He had turned it into little collages, putting it over the walls in the living room. Those were all mostly Chen Le and Renjun, a rare Si Cheng if he took it on selfie mode. There were a few new pictures, though; Chen Le and Renjun with their friends, Renjun and Jaemin together, Chen Le and Jisung together, Si Cheng with Ten and Taeyong, Si Cheng with Yuta.

He never thought there would be so many people on the wall, and yet here there were.

Si Cheng had also bought a small decoration table, where he put some frames and flowers. And there, on the wall in the center, were three blown-up photos in expensive frames that Si Cheng had considered the most important.

On one side, it was Yuta, with his sister and brother, in their late teens. They were wearing the matching leather jackets and their bracelets on their wrists, eyes closed as they smiled to the camera.

On the other side, it was the photograph that Si Cheng had always had; the one with their father and mother, with kindergartner Si Cheng and baby newborn Renjun, his mother pregnant with Chen Le. 

In the center, it was a picture of the four of them, taken a few months ago on Renjun’s prom day. He felt extremely happy that day, having had so much to do. Chen Le and Renjun had gotten ready together with Si Cheng’s help, and when Jisung and Jaemin came to take them, everyone had helped everyone take photos of the others. 

Renjun doesn’t remember if it was Jisung or Jaemin who took the photo, but it looked professional; it was taken outside, next to one of the giant trees in the front yard. Renjun liked the suits he and Chen Le were wearing, feeling all elegant. Si Cheng was dressed in his usual sweater and jeans and was standing behind Chen Le, while Yuta in his leather jacket, ripped tee and jeans, and heavy dark eyeliner and jewelry was standing behind Renjun. It would sound like Si Cheng and Yuta would look out of place, but surprisingly they weren’t. 

He still had no idea how Chen Le, Jisung and Jaemin snuck into prom. Jaemin wasn’t a student, and Chen Le and Jisung were sophomores, but they had found a way. They always found a way. 

Renjun liked the living room; he liked having the photos and collages everywhere, the painting, the big frames. He came here whenever he wanted to think to himself. It was definitely better to Si Cheng, too, who didn’t have to stare at blank walls now. Chen Le always thought under a blanket, so it didn’t matter to him. 

Looking at the photograph, Renjun liked to think that all his days would be as happy as that day. 

  
  


***

At around 2 PM, some time after Ten left, Si Cheng was preparing lunch for his brothers, pork belly with rice, when he heard the front door open and a whistle following after. 

He looked to see his Yuta taking off his shoes at the foyer. “I smell something delicious.”

Si Cheng rolled his eyes, smiling. “I’m just making some lunch, Chen Le has Jisung here.”

“Poor dude, always has to take the one-hour drive whenever he wants to come.” Yuta came to the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Si Cheng, laying his head on the latter’s neck. “You also smell good.”

“Oh, god, Yuta, you’re such a flirt,” Si Cheng muttered, though he made no action to get out of Yuta’s grip, secretly enjoying it. “You can’t compare me to pork belly.”

Yuta pressed a kiss on Si Cheng’s cheek. “Why not, I like eating both.”

“YUTA!”

Yuta let go of him, not saying anything as he grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge. “What?” he asked, smirking.

Si Cheng’s face was red. He looked away from Yuta, focusing on the pork bellies. “Can’t you be horny  _ after  _ I finish cooking? Remember the macaroni incident?”

“How could I not, we wasted perfectly good macaroni.” Yuta uncapped his water bottle and took a sip, leaning against the counter as he stared at the love of his life. “Still some good two-hour sex.”

“Well, I’m glad you liked it.” Si Cheng turned down the flame on the rice, since it was almost ready, and took out the pork bellies, stacking them on a plate.

“Aw, you know I love you,” Yuta said, kissing Si Cheng’s cheek again.

“Um, excuse me mister.” Si Cheng pointed at his own lips. “Where’s my kiss here?”

“You said no being horny until after cooking,” Yuta reminded him.

Si Cheng put the lid over the pork bellies so that they wouldn’t get cold. “Clearly, there’s two things wrong with your statement, one being that kisses are not always sexual.”

“Yeah, fair point,” Yuta said, leaning to give Si Cheng a long, overdue kiss on his lips, the latter responding eagerly. When they pulled apart, he added “what’s the second point?”

Si Cheng grinned. “Don’t you see I’m done cooking?”

“Well, I like the sound of that.” Yuta took that as a cue to pick Si Cheng up, surprising the latter. “Room as always?”

“Yuta!!” Si Cheng started laughing as Yuta left the kitchen and took him upstairs. “I can’t believe you.”

“Then you better start believing- oh, hey guys,” Yuta said when he climbed up the stairs. Chen Le, Renjun and Jisung were in the loft and looking at them. “Whatcha doing?”

“Si Cheng, Jisung made fun of EXO again,” Renjun spoke up, pointing at the culprit. 

“I DID NOT-”

“Oh, guys, uh- Yuta, can you put me down, please?” Si Cheng asked, Yuta complying with his request. “We’re gonna have to postpone it,” he whispered. 

“It’s fine, don’t worry because WHO’S STARVING?!” Yuta yelled, the three teens getting up excitedly at the thought of food.

Si Cheng smiled before yelling out, “GUYS, NO RUNNING!”   
  


  
***

Around 10 pm, an hour after Jisung had left, Chen Le sat on the porch quietly, watching the sun set.

He had a bottle of lemonade in his, an alcoholic one. Renjun had shown it to him months ago, a drink that he enjoyed, and surprisingly, Chen Le had enjoyed it too. When Renjun had asked Si Cheng to buy some, though, Si Cheng wanted to protest, saying they were too young for those types of drinks but eventually caved in, but only if they had a limit. 

Chen Le liked the drink and thought it was tasty, but had been really annoyed when Renjun told him that it was Jaemin who showed it to him. Jaemin, who months ago, pretended to be in a relationship with Renjun so that they could get kidnapped. He still had nightmares about what would have happened if Si Cheng didn’t come for them. 

He remembers how in December, Jaemin came by to the house and talked to Renjun. Chen Le had no idea what went on during the conversation, but Jaemin talked to Renjun for a good hour, and by the end, the two were crying (this he only knew because Si Cheng was watching through the window the entire time - he also didn’t like the idea of Jaemin talking to Renjun.)

Jaemin and Renjun have been a thing again for about seven months now, but it was only just recently that Si Cheng let Renjun be alone with him, and  _ only  _ if Renjun carried the gun that Si Cheng had bought for him. Si Cheng did not like Jaemin  _ at all  _ and didn’t care if Jaemin made Renjun happy; he wanted his brothers safe. 

This was a really sensitive topic in the Donghuangzhong household, so Renjun talked about Jaemin sparingly, not wanting any more arguments to come up. 

Chen Le took another sip of his lemonade when he heard the front door being opened. He turned around and saw Si Cheng, who was leaning on the doorframe, hands in his pockets, looking at Chen Le. 

“Is everything okay?” Si Cheng asked him.

“Yeah, I’m just… thinking.” Chen Le lifted up his bottle of lemonade to show his older brother. “And thirsty.”

Si Cheng nodded, looking at the sun set as well. “What were you thinking about?”

Chen Le shrugged. “I guess the usual, you know?”

Si Cheng walked closer and sat down next to Chen Le, wincing. “Oh, jeez, that hurt.”

“What’s wrong, did you hurt your back?” Chen Le asked, looking behind Si Cheng. His older brother’s hair was wet, so he must have showered earlier.

Si Cheng’s face turned red. “Uh, no, just… bruising, I guess.”

“Ah.” 

He figured Si Cheng must have slept with Yuta again. It had surprised him, all those months ago, when he learned that Si Cheng wasn’t a virgin anymore. For the first few times he always got worried when Si Cheng was limping, thinking he injured an ankle or got blisters again, but no, it was his brother having sex. 

It was a weird topic for them to talk to Si Cheng about. Almost three times Si Cheng had tried to give them the talk, but he always backed out, always getting really embarrassed like now. But the good thing was he enjoyed it with Yuta, the two obviously having fun. 

It was nice to see Si Cheng with Yuta. They were really domestic, in Chen Le’s opinion. They both had jobs, they both helped with chores, they both played around together. More importantly, Si Cheng was happier. 

Renjun, despite being with Jaemin so long, was still a virgin, Chen Le figured. Or maybe he wasn’t, who knows. Since no one really liked Jaemin, he supposed Renjun thought they would explode on him if he told them that he had gotten further. It was hard to tell if he was right or not. 

As for Chen Le and Jisung… he didn’t like to think about the topic. 

He liked Jisung, honestly. He liked how Jisung was nice and kind, how even though it was such a long trip, he always came to visit him. Jisung was a bit rude to him when they first met, but that’s how he was with everyone. 

But the thing was, Jisung had been very open to him about everything. About his life in the orphanage, all the foster homes he went through. He has told Chen Le every bit of his past, and Chen Le… nothing. 

Jisung already knew some stuff, unfortunately. He had been there, after all, when that man tried to force on Si Cheng that one time when Chen Le and Jisung were having a sleepover, seeing Renjun kill the man and Yuta’s friends having to dispose of the body. He also knew that Si Cheng had a gun, which was a pretty scary thought. 

What would Jisung think of him if he told them about their life with their stepfather? Of Si Cheng working all that time ago to pay off the debt? How he threatened their mother? All the times he hit them? When he overdosed Renjun with needles? When to Chen Le…

He didn’t like to think about it. If only there were a way to stop the nightmares at night. 

The two brothers remained quiet, each in their own thoughts. Chen Le didn’t know what Si Cheng was thinking, he never really did. His brother was still a reserved person, nonetheless. 

Well, they were quiet when they heard the door being opened again. 

They turned around to see Renjun, a box of whoppers in hand. “What are you guys doing here?” he asked, popping some of the ball candy in his mouth. 

Si Cheng pointed to the sky. “We’re watching the sun set.”

“Can I join?” Without waiting for an answer, Renjun sat down next to Chen Le, extending the candy. “You want some?”

“Heck yeah, only a true intellectual would love whoppers,” Chen Le said, opening his palm so that Renjun could give him some.

Si Cheng rolled his eyes. “What if EXO liked milk duds, huh?”

“Then we switch to milk duds, duh,” Renjun told him, matter-of-fact.

“Did someone say milk duds?” Yuta appeared in the doorway, beer in one hand, milk duds in the other. “Only you would like those, my love.”

“Not you too.”

Yuta sat down next to Si Cheng, taking a sip of his beer as he handed the latter his candy. “That just means more for you.”

Si Cheng took the box and opened it, popping one in his mouth, chewing on it for a good amount of time; they were really hard to chew, after all. “That is true.”

Renjun and Chen Le started chatting about EXO and candy while Yuta wrapped his arm around Si Cheng, while the latter laid his head on Yuta’s shoulder. The four stayed like that a while, admiring the sun set on yet another perfect day. 


	2. The Last First Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might be able to update more frequently now!! Probably once a week, since I still have other stories, but internet access is definitely more regularly now. Hope you guys like this chapter! Things won't be in a peace for long...

The alarm started ringing, causing Yuta to groan. 

He unwrapped one of his arms from Si Cheng and reached for the latter’s phone on the nightstand, eyes half-opened as he kept pressing his finger everywhere, not understanding anything since it was in Mandarin. 

Si Cheng started rolling around in the bed, waking up, so Yuta had to hush him back to sleep so that Si Cheng wouldn’t be disturbed. He could take care of the stupid ass alarm. Who let them exist, anyways?

When it finally stopped making the annoying beeping sound, he set the phone back down and hugged Si Cheng again, the two snuggled underneath the blanket-

Fuck. 

Yuta sat up in realization, refusing to open his eyes again. It was Renjun and Chen Le’s first day of school. 

Si Cheng had told Yuta last night that he wanted to make breakfast for the two before taking them to school, ecstatic to drop them off. Renjun was a senior and Chen Le a junior this year and Si Cheng knew it was going to be an exciting time for them. Si Cheng himself had never been a junior, dropping out of school when he was still a sophomore, so it was good to see his brothers finish their education. 

Yuta started to feel bad. His boyfriend deserved to sleep, and they were knocked out by, what, 2 am or something? It’s not Yuta’s fault that he and Si Cheng wanted to have a movie marathon underneath the covers at midnight, anyways.

Or was it.

He thought about how hard it had taken Si Cheng to have a semi-decent sleep schedule after all these months. When Yuta came back three months in, it was still impossible for Si Cheng to fall asleep before 3 am. 

Well, he also thought Yuta was dead, so…

Yuta shook Si Cheng gently, not wanting to startle his love. “Si Cheng… Si Cheng, wake up.”

“Mhhm?” Si Cheng rolled over, eyes still closed, his arms unconsciously searching for Yuta. 

“Si Cheng, you said you wanted to prepare something for the boys,” Yuta reminded him, shaking his arms again. “Si Chengie.”

Si Cheng opened his eyes, blinking a few times, before stretching out his arms, yawning. “Morning,” he said softly, staring at Yuta, smiling. 

Yuta couldn’t help it, he always grinned when he saw Si Cheng’s lovely face. “Morning, my love,” Yuta whispered, pressing a light kiss on Si Cheng’s nose, the latter giggling. “Do you remember what day it is?”

“OH!” Si Cheng sat up quickly, throwing the covers off his body. “It’s Renjun’s and Chen Le’s first day of school!!” He got off the bed and hastily searched for his slippers on the floor, putting them on. “I have to make them breakfast and wake them up and make sure Renjun doesn’t forget his backpack and Chen Le doesn’t have his shirt inside out-”

Yuta leaned back on the bed, watching Si Cheng walk around. “Don’t worry, Si Cheng, I’m sure they’re going to have a great day, you just wait.”  
  


  
***

“I am _not_ having a great day,” Renjun said over breakfast, stabbing his fork onto his crepes. Si Cheng had learned the recipe a few months ago, and Renjun was a BIG fan over the nutella ones his older brother would make. “Today sucks.”

Chen Le looked at him, chewing on a big bite of raspberry crepes, head tilted in confusion. “Why?” he asked, mouth full.

“Because I missed my daily streak on Superstar SM,” Renjun complained, stabbing his crepes again. “And now I won’t get my card selector of the month.”

“Haha, I don’t have to worry because I have all R’s for EXO-K,” Chen Le flaunted. “Growl theme, no less.”

“At least _I_ get three stars on hard mode,” Renjun argued back. “You play on easy.”

“It’s not my fault Chanyeol raps too fast!!!” Chen Le tried to defend himself. 

Si Cheng and Yuta looked at each, trying not to burst into laughter. Renjun and Chen Le always had at least one argument a week about the game. Si Cheng thought the game was interesting and had a nice concept, but he wasn’t good at it. Yuta didn’t know any of the artists and he didn’t care, but he _had_ taken a liking to a Korean group recently, Infinite, and his disappointed face when he saw how empty Superstar Woollim was compared to SM was enough to make Si Cheng laugh for days. 

“Remember not to play games during class,” Si Cheng reminded them. It was often that Chen Le would send Si Cheng random texts about a cute dog picture he found on Instagram when Si Cheng _knew_ he was in class at the moment. “You can always do those at home.”

“Not if I lose my streak again,” Renjun said, finally picking up a piece of his crepe. “I am _this_ close to wasting all my diamonds on card packs.”

“This wouldn’t have happened if you stanned Loona,” Chen Le said. 

Renjun glared at him. “One day, you will have to face god and defend yourself.”

“From what? Eating bacon? Being gay?”

“Guys, remember,” Yuta told the two. “Be gay, do crimes-”

Si Cheng gave him a look. “You’re telling them to do crimes?”

“I mean, not like killing people, do protests or download illegal music, shout FUCK CAPITALISM at 3 am,” Yuta clarified. “Yeah, that got me arrested for a night when I was a high school sophomore.”

“This is my last year of high school, I don’t think it would be good if I got arrested,” Renjun reminded him. 

Si Cheng turned on his phone. “Guys, you have five minutes and then we’ll drive you to school, ok?”

  
  


***

  
  


Chen Le walked into his Korean history class, surprised to see Donghyuck in the third row, typing something on his phone. “I didn’t know you were in this class.” 

Donghyuck looked up, grinning. “Chen Le! Oh my god we’re in the same class, I won’t be alone!!” He got up and gave Chen Le a big hug, even though he just saw him two days ago back at Chen Le’s place playing a video game Mark, Donghyuck’s boyfriend, bought on Amazon. “Mark isn’t in any of my classes and neither is your brother.”

“Aww, that sucks.” Chen Le sat down on the empty seat next to Donghyuck, setting his new backpack on the desk. They got school supplies last week, including two brand new sketchbooks for Chen Le for his two new art classes which he was excited to use. His notebook for history class? Not so much. “I’ve never had any classes with Renjun, only our lunch periods, but that’s because he’s a senior now.”

“Okay, but just making sure, what lunch period do you have?” Donghyuck asked him.

“B.”

“YES, WE HAVE THE SAME LUNCH!!” Donghyuck shrieked, causing a few people to eye-roll at him. Donghyuck never cared about other people, though, unlike Chen Le, who didn’t like to make a disturbance. That was just the type of person Donghyuck was. “Mark also has B lunch, so I get to keep stealing his fries for another semester!!”

“Why would you steal his fries, he’s your boyfriend?” Chen Le asked, laughing at his friend’s antics. Donghyuck didn’t make sense most of the time.

Donghyuck stared at Chen Le like if he was in the office, not that Chen Le would get the reference; Chen Le only watched Chinese dramas, a rare Korean one here or there. Donghyuck only knew because of Mark anyways. “You’re telling me you’ve never stolen any of Jisung’s food?”

Chen Le shook his head. “No, why? We always share food, anyway.”

“My dear friend.” Donghyuck wrapped his arm around Chen Le’s shoulder. “You have a lot to learn about.”

***  
  


During said lunch period B, Renjun and Chen Le found each other first, as always, and picked the same lunch table that they sat at last semester, thankful that it was empty. 

They set their trays down and sat next to each other, waiting for Mark and Donghyuck to arrive. It was always the four of them during lunch, the siblings and the boyfriends. An odd combination, but it worked. 

Donghyuck arrived afterwards, barely holding his tray properly as he sat himself across from the two brothers, setting his tray down harshly before taking off his backpack and placing it on the seat next to him. “Yo, this is going to be the best year of high school ever.”

“Easy for you three to say,” Chen Le said, crossing his arms and pouting. “You three are seniors, you’re all going to graduate together.”

“Pfft, be grateful that you’re a junior, if I hear Mark talk about college essays _one more time_ I’ll have an aneurysm-”

“An aneurysm?” Donghyuck turned around to see Mark behind him, along with someone unfamiliar to Donghyuck. “Who’s giving you an aneurysm?”

“No one-”   
  
“He said you,” Renjun piped up, smirking at Donghyuck. “He complained about-”

“RENJUN!!” Donghyuck screeched at him while Mark, who had no idea what was going on, decided to laugh at his boyfriend’s antics. “Why are you laughing at me?!”

Mark rolled his eyes, grinning, as he bent down to give Donghyuck a kiss on his cheek. “Love you too, Hyuck. Oh, guys!” He pointed at the nervous guy behind him. “Y’all don’t mind if Jeno here joins us, right?” 

The guy named Jeno darted his eyes back and forth between the group at the table and Mark. “Um… hey.”

“Good, you're as awkward as those two over there,” Donghyuck said, pointing at Renjun and Chen Le. 

Mark sat down next to Donghyuck, so Jeno sat down at his other side, which left him next to Renjun. “What’s the plan for today?” Mark asked, already scooping up a forkful of rice and chewing on it.

Donghyuck glared at him. “You didn’t get fries.”

“Why would I get fries with Korean food??” Mark asked, confused.

Renjun rolled his eyes at the two, instead turning to talk to the new guy. “You said your name was Jeno, right?”

Jeno nodded, holding out his hand. “Yeah, I’m Jeno.”

“Huang Renjun, senior.” Renjun shook Jeno’s hand and pointed at Chen Le, who also waved at Jeno. “That’s my brother, Zhong Chen Le.”

“Oh, you’re Chinese,” Jeno said. “ Cool, I’ve never met a Chinese before.”

“Never met someone excited to see one,” Chen Le muttered under his breath. 

Donghyuck, who had been arguing with Mark, whipped his head around to look at Chen Le. “Excuse me?? Do you not remember how we first met?”

“Hyuck, you said Chinese was weird,” Mark said. 

“Excuse you, I met the _language_ , as in the writing,” Donghyuck argued with him. “Sorry I don’t want to learn 2,000 characters. I don’t trust Japanese either nor Polish-”

“Polish has an alphabet, though?” 

“Well, I don’t care, yo, GERMAN THOUGH-”

“Ignore Donghyuck over there,” Renjun told Jeno. “He’s not a xenophobe, he just hates writing.”

Jeno stared at Donghyuck, wide eyed. “It’s weird considering how many languages’ existence he knows, those,” he said, right when Donghyuck was telling Mark about one of Peru’s official languages, Quechua.

“Like, they have two types of past tense verbs, depending on whether you’ve directly experienced it or not,” Donghyuck was ranting to Mark. “Why is that even a thing?”

“You know every language has its flaws, or at least, what others consider weird,” Mark told him. “A lot of people find Korean difficult.”

“Korean is so fucking stupid as well,” Donghyuck said while speaking in Korean (the only language he knew, unfortunately.) “Like why does that one letter change sound if it’s at the end?”

“Uh, Hyuck, what letter?”

“EXACTLY!!”

“Is your friend secretly a linguistics professor or something?” Jeno whispered to Renjun. 

Renjun shook his head. “No, he wants to study microbiology. He’s just mad because Duolingo is now charging him to learn Russian, so he’s now going to have a vendetta against every language in existence for a week even though he is the president of the cultural club here at school.”

Jeno stared at him. “You’re kidding me, right?”

“Nah, go ask him about sign language,” Renjun edged him on.

Jeno looked back and forth between Renjun and Donghyuck, who was now ranting about how there was a french academy whose job was to oversee the French language and how they stated at the accent circonflexe was now useless. “Are you sure?”

“I can do it,” Renjun reassured him. “Hey, Donghyuck, tell Jeno about sign languages.”

“OKAY so there’s no such thing as sign language being a language,” Donghyuck started to rant. “Like there’s between 150 and 300 sign languages and most of them are distinct from each other, but they even have families, like British sign language is more closely related to New Zealand than American, like some even consider them dialects along with Auslan-”

Jeno looked away from Donghyuck, who shifted his attention to Mark again. “Am I allowed to be concerned?”

“It’s fine, don’t worry.” Renjun picked up some rice with his chopsticks. “Friends can rant to each other about stuff.”

Jeno nodded, still staring at his untouched tray. “How long have you guys been friends?”

“Oh, with them, it’s been… Chen Le, how long has it been?” Renjun asked his brother. “We met them before the second semester last year, right?”   
Chen Le, who had been on his phone texting Jisung, looked up. He tended to be more quiet during lunch. “We came here in December,” he said softly. “They spoke to us not even a week later, we invited them over for Christmas Eve, remember?”

Christmas Eve. The day before Jaemin came back. “Oh, yeah, Christmas Eve,” Renjun said in Mandarin, dropping his chopsticks. “Yeah, you’re right, Yuta still hadn’t come back yet.”

“Good thing he did.” Chen Le turned his attention back to his phone. “Now it’s us four,” he whispered to himself.   
  
***   
  
Taeyong kept bouncing his leg from where he was sitting in the waiting room of the office. “They’re not going to accept me, I just know it,” he muttered to himself. 

“Don’t worry, you’re going to be just fine- may I?” Jaehyun opened up his palm, which Taeyong tentative held. “Look, what’s the worst that can happen? You don’t get the job? It’s fine, it’s not the end of the world."

“Yeah, but it’s been a decade, I haven’t worked for a decade,” Taeyong said, squeezing Jaehyun’s hand a bit too tight. “I’m not going to get it, I’m never going to get it.”

Jaehyun let go of Taeyong’s hand and rubbed circles on his back instead, trying to calm down the latter. “You’ll get a job, don’t worry.”

“But it’s already been over six months and-and it’s been six months, and, I just, I don’t know, I’m not, I’m not good at anything-” Taeyong started to trail off, biting his thumbnail. “I’m just a failure.”

For the past few months that Jaehyun had been back after being “missing” along with Yuta (he knew Yuta had faked his death but he had NO idea how Si Cheng and Taeyong had heard about it), Taeyong had been struggling with everything. He didn’t know how to enroll Ayaka into a school, he didn’t know how newer cell phones work, any current events. 

Like now, for instance. Taeyong had studied computer science when he was in university, but technology was completely different from what it was during the first decade of this millennia, and Taeyong unfortunately wasn’t up to date. That’s why for now, like instance, he had been applying for jobs like being a secretary or assistant, but nothing either. 

Taeyong needed to get a job, eventually; Jaehyun’s money wasn’t going to last forever, and he had Ayaka to think about. How was he supposed to teach his child how to do certain things without him knowing himself? All he could do was what, cook, clean?? 

The employee who had interviewed Taeyong came out of his office. Taeyong stood up immediately, hiding his shaking hands behind him. “Good afternoon.”

“Lee Taeyong?” The employee asked him. Taeyong nodded in response. “Oh, sorry, we already hired a more competent candidate.”   
  


***

  
  


“I was thinking of making them soup, does that sound like a good idea?” Si Cheng told Yuta over on the phone, switching it to his other ear. “Yeah, for lunch, I was thinking pasta for dinner? I don’t know, what do you think?”

Si Cheng was taking advantage of his brothers not being home by going shopping to buy groceries for the week. He didn’t go to his job today as a secretary, something about his boss being away on a business trip for a while, so he had nothing to do anyways. 

He had no idea how he had been able to get that job when he wasn’t even a high school graduate, but the small company was very peculiar; they didn’t accept resumes, instead, they made you take a test and answer a series of questions during the interview. Apparently they had been impressed with Si Cheng, who had gotten them all right, which was a rare occurrence, so he had been hired. 

It was a lot of work but he got the hang of it soon enough. He had almost forgotten taxes were a thing, but it definitely made him feel better about having a stable paycheck. 

Yuta insisted that SI Cheng didn’t need to work but didn’t fight it. Si Cheng was just never going to be comfortable with Yuta’s money; it was already tough living in this big house. Just two days ago Renjun had woken him up at 3 am, tears in his eyes as he asked a sleepy Si Cheng if he could be with them for the night. Not that Si Cheng would ever say no. 

“Renjun said something about liking lasagna,” Si Cheng said in the receiver again, picking a jar of tomato sauce on the shelf. “Yeah, with a lot of ricotta cheese. Does it require any spices?”

As he continued to speak with Yuta over on the phone (Yuta was over at Johnny’s place, helping him with something), Si Cheng continued to browse through the store, putting items in the cart, until he noticed someone at the end of the aisle.

It was not a face that Si Cheng would ever be able to forget. 

Yuta shouting Si Cheng’s name over and over made Si Cheng snap out of it, and by the time he came back to his senses, the man was gone. 

“Um, yeah, Yuta, what were… what were you saying?” Si Cheng whispered, turning to look back at the aisle, making sure the man wasn’t there. “No, I’m fine, trust me, I’m fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I've heard about the BLM going on, including the protests (my cities is one of those having curfews.) I really hope that you guys stay safe, especially since we still have a pandemic going on, and make your voices heard!!! Those disgusting cops deserve to be in jail.


	3. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fair warning that, not in this chapter in particular, but there will be mentions of past events that happened in this previous book, even when they have a memory, talk about it in conversation, etc, so keep in mind about that. warnings will always be given.

_ “Gege, why do you have to go?” a ten year old Renjun cried out to Si Cheng. “It’s night and I’m scared.” _

_ I’m scared, too,” Chen Le said, hugging Si Cheng. “Please don’t go, gege.” _

_ Si Cheng looked at the clock in the living room. Insung had told him that he should be there by nine; usually, it would be ten, he said, but since Si Cheng didn’t know “jack shit”, Insung had assigned one of the workers, Ten, to teach Si Cheng real quick.  _

_ He had no idea what he had to expect from this job, but he knew it wasn’t good; Joosuk always had strippers and prostitutes coming over, and it was embarrassing being with your younger brothers and explaining to them, no, Joosuk isn’t hurt, he’s just doing something.  _

_ Insung had warned him that if he wasn’t good, he would have to be a sex worker, and Si Cheng did  _ not  _ want that at all. He already did not like showing his body to people, and the skin-tight miniskirt and tank top he had to wear practically made him feel naked. But to actually  _ be  _ naked? And to do… things? He was only sixteen, for crying out loud! Surely that was illegal, right? _

_ He tried to pry off Chen Le’s arms around him. “Chen Le, I have to go or I’ll get in trouble-” _

_ “But gege, I’m scared,” Chen Le whined, rubbing his face on the bottom of Si Cheng’s shirt; he could feel it get wet with tears. “I don’t want to be alone, gege, please-” _

_ “You have Renjun,” Si Cheng reminded him. “Here, look, do you want me to tuck you into bed real quick? I only have five minutes.” _

_ Chen Le nodded, so Si Cheng picked him up and carried him into the room, Renjun tagging behind them.  _

_ When they reached the room, Si Cheng set Chen Le down on the bed, Renjun laying down next to him, and pulled the covers up to cover both of them. “Do you guys want me to tell you a story?” he whispered to them.  _

_ His two younger brothers nodded. “Tell us about Mama and Baba,” Renjun asked, laying his head down on Chen Le’s shoulder.  _

_ Si Cheng caressed their hair, playing with the soft strands. “I’ll tell you about them.” _

  
  


***

“When Mama met Baba, he was struggling to live in the city,” Renjun told Jaemin after school, the two enjoying their sweets at a cafe. Jaemin had his nasty americano as usual, while Renjun opted to drink hot cocoa, even though it was 4:30 PM during August. “He had amnesia and couldn’t remember anything, and he never did when he died.”

Jaemin nodded. He didn’t know much about Renjun’s parents, heck  _ Renjun  _ didn’t know much about his parents. “But wouldn’t you have phone numbers saved or something?”

Renjun shook his head. “He didn’t have a phone with him, only his wallet and his apartment keys. Mama always thought that he moved to the city which is why no one ever visited him.”

Jaemin thought of his own family - well, it would have been a family if they weren’t killed so soon. “That sucks.”

“Yeah, I guess, but Si Cheng says that they were really happy when he passed away.” Renjun shrugged. “But yeah, there’s nothing that we know of Baba’s family, you know how many Chinese have the last name Huang?”

“I thought that was a color,” Jaemin admitted.

Renjun squinted his eyes at Jaemin. “How dare you mention that?”

“Sorry, sorry, you know  _ how  _ many songs say Na in it and people make fun of me for it?” Jaemin reminded him. “Like your EXO song-”

“Yeah, you’re gonna have to be more specific,” Renjun said. 

“Um, the one that goes like Na~~ na! Na, nanananana-”

“Love shot,” Renjun recalled. It was the last album with all the Korean members together, after all. Then it was OT6. “You know, the obsession album sounded familiar, but that’s because it was basically EXO-K but with Chen instead of Kyungsoo-”

“Yeah, I still don’t know any of those people,” Jaemin said, taking the last sip of his coffee. “It would be easier to learn your little brother’s favorite group.”

“Pfft, Myname?” Renjun thought about it for a second, picking up a marshmallow in his cocoa. “I mean, better than those Bangtan-”

“You rant about your hatred for that group everyday,” Jaemin pointed out.

Renjun glared at him. “You know what it’s like to have an Army at my house all day? I really don’t know how Jisung and Chen Le are a couple, that’s like against the rulebook. If they were carat and monbebe, I would understand-”

“Wait, a baby?” Jaemin asked. “Why did you say my baby in French?” 

“I don’t speak French!”

***

After successfully completely their first week of school, Friday night Si Cheng was making homemade pizza for his brothers, the two who were quietly watching television. 

He concentrated on kneading the dough, rolling it back and forth before smashing it and repeating the process. It was a bit too runny, though, so he added some more flour and tried to mix it well into a ball. 

Yuta came downstairs and walked into the kitchen, bag of potato chips in hand. “What are you doing?”

Si Cheng glanced at him, grinning before turning his attention back to the dough. “I’m just making pizza,” he explained, pounding onto the dough with his hands. “It  _ was  _ going to be pepperoni but I’m pretty sure Renjun ate the whole bag in the middle of the night.”

“He likes anything Italian,” Yuta agreed, setting his bag of potato chips on the counter before rolling up his sleeves. “Is there something you want me to help you with?”

“Just the sauce, really,” Si Cheng said, grabbing the rolling pin to flatten out the ball of dough. “You know I don’t like the jars.”

“That is correct.” Yuta opened the refrigerator door and pulled out a bag of roma tomatoes. “I’m going to use my secret recipe-”

Si Cheng turned around to stare at him. 

“-that you created,” Yuta finished. He carried the bag to the sink and turned on the faucet, filling the sponge with soap. “Jars can go fuck themselves.”

“Adding parsley is  _ not  _ a secret recipe,” Si Cheng reminded him. “And neither is garlic salt.”

“Anything’s a secret recipe if you make it and people ask about it-” Yuta was saying when he felt his phone in his back pocket vibrate. “Dammit.”

Si Cheng grabbed the now-ready dough and placed it on the cookie sheet. “Go answer it,” he said, grabbing the sponge from Yuta. “I got the sauce.”

“You do know what that means, right?” Yuta said, smirking. “Come on, tell me you do.”

Si Cheng shrugged, washing the tomatoes. “Yuta, your phone.”

“Oh, right.” Yuta pulled out his phone and frowned. “Huh, it’s my sister.”

“Jitsuko?” Si Cheng leaned over to see the caller ID, which was in Japanese. He should have known better. “Go answer it, don’t leave her hanging.”

“Never, I’ll be right back.” Yuta slid the button to answer the call, pecking a quick kiss on Si Cheng’s cheek as he left the kitchen to talk to his sister. 

They definitely spoke to each other more frequently now. Over the pass few years, Yuta always tried to limit contact with her, not because he wanted to, but because the less traces there were of the two being related, the better. The last thing he wanted was for her to get caught up in gang business because of him. 

Si Cheng was, unfortunately, already involved, long before he had even seen Yuta for the first time. Yuta knew about his stepfather, Joosuk, and that Insung had been his loan shark, only for him to run away after a certain incident (Si Cheng never specified and Yuta knew better than to pry.) Many mafia leaders and rings knew about the dancer Winwin, too, and had always been trying to find him. 

Luckily, there hasn’t been in incident here ever since Si Cheng and his brothers left. Everything was calm, peaceful, and quite domestic, if Yuta was honest. Last time he had a “normal” lifestyle, his brother was still alive. 

It was hard not to think of his brother as he answered his sister’s called. “Y-ello.”

“Uncle Yuta!” he heard his eight-year-old nephew Hiroshi say. “I miss you.”

Yuta laughed. It was pretty common these days for Hiroshi to steal Jitsuko’s phone. “What are you doing with your mother’s cell, mochi?” he said in Japanese, using Hiroshi’s nickname. “You don’t want her to get mad at her, do you?”

“But she’s taking a shower, she won’t know,” Hiroshi explained, only making Yuta laugh some more. “You have to promise not to tell her.”

“No worries, bud, I won’t,” Yuta promised. “You better be taking care of your brother Ryota.”

“He’s just trying to reach the cookies on the counter even though okaasan told him not to,” Hiroshi said. “Ryota doesn’t like to follow directions.”

Ah, what a child. “Tell you what, why don’t you wait until your mother comes out of the shower and tell her you want to talk to me?” Yuta suggested. “That way, you don’t get in trouble of being on the phone and then we can talk to each other all we want.”

“Okay, uncle Yuta!!” Hiroshi screamed into the receiver. “Bye!! Tell your pretty boyfriend that I love you more!!”

“You can like two people the same way,” Yuta explained. “Do you think your mother likes one of you guys more than the other?”

“Oh, she definitely likes Ryota more, he never gets in trouble,” Hiroshi complained. Yuta could practically hear him pout on the phone. “It’s not fair.”

“Well, he’s only four, you know,” Yuta pointed out. “She loves you both the same, just like how I love both you guys and your mother and my pretty boyfriend.”

“Can I talk to pretty Chengie later?” Hiroshi said. “He’s nice, I like- OKAASAN!!”

And then the phone hanged up. 

Yuta busted out laughing as he pocketed his phone and walked back into the kitchen, where Si Cheng was finishing arranging the cheese on the pizza. “Guess who stole the phone again?”

Si Cheng smiled, closing the bag of mozzarella. “Hiroshi is just like his uncle.”

“I don’t steal people’s phones!!” Yuta pouted, crossing his arms across his chest, only for Si Cheng to cover his mouth to stifle his laughter. “What?”

“Not phones, silly, who ate all the California sushi rolls the other night when we went out to eat?” Si Cheng reminded him.

“The cream cheese is good and you know it,” Yuta defended himself. 

“Whatever you say.” Si Cheng opened the oven and slid the cookie sheet with the pizza in, closing the over door. “We have to wait ten minutes.”

Yuta slid an arm around Si Cheng’s shoulder, grabbing his chin with his free hand. “You know what else I can steal?” he whispered to his love.

Si Cheng rolled his eyes, grinning. “What?”

“A kiss.”

“You can have them all you want,” Si Cheng whispered back, laughing as Yuta peppered his face and lips with kisses. 

  
  


***   
  


Chen Le had fallen asleep at 2 am after texting with Jisung late, the latter complaining about some fan war going on in twitter, when he was later woken up after five minutes later. 

He felt someone shake his shoulders aggressively, so he half-opened his eyes, thankful there wasn’t light in the room. “What do you want, Renjun?” he said when he saw he older brother awake. 

“Chen Le, you have to wake up,” Renjun said, still shaking Chen Le’s tired body. “Please, it’s urgent, and if we tell Si Cheng, he’ll only get worried.”

Chen Le opened his eyes fully now at the mention of Si Cheng. “What’s wrong,” he slurred, struggling to get up. “It’s past night.”

“It’s not about me,” Renjun whispered. He grabbed Chen Le’s wrist and pulled him out of his bed. “Come on, you have to see this.”

Renjun led him out of the room, Chen Le stumbling everywhere since he was still partly asleep. “What is it?” Chen Le asked, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. “Can’t it wait?”

“No,” Renjun said firmly.

They went down the stairs, Chen Le bumping into the wall twice. “Don’t tell me you did something in the living room,” Chen Le said, ready to scold Renjun when he heard it. 

No. 

Renjun let go of Chen Le, right when they were ten feet of the door. “I was watching television late,” Renjun explained softly. “I don’t know if they know we’re here or not.”

The pounding noise on the door got louder and louder. 

Chen Le started trembling, clutching onto Renjun’s arm. “I thought we were safe!” He cried out. “I thought they would never find us, I- I-”

He started sobbing, falling onto the floor with a loud thud. Renjun instantly regretted telling Chen Le. They never kept secrets from each other, but lately it’s felt like it was the only thing they shared in common. 

No, he should have kept it a secret. 

However, there was no way he could tell Si Cheng. No, Si Cheng would worry again and they were tired of that; their gege deserved to live in peace, he shouldn’t have to sacrifice his happiness on his little brothers. That life of his was in the past now. 

Or was it?

***

Si Cheng woke up in the morning to discover Renjun and Chen Le sleeping on the bed between him and Yuta, Chen Le on his stomach while Renjun was on the left side. Yuta either noticed or didn’t mind, as usual, as he was on the right said, leg dangling off the bed while snoring. 

He yawned, stretching out his arms as he blinked a couple of times, trying to get used to the sunlight. The curtain was opened, for some reason, even though he always had it shut before he went to sleep. His brothers must of opened it or something during the middle of the night. 

Yawning again, he extended his arm as much as he could to try to reach his phone on his nightstand, trying not to disturb Chen Le on top of him or Renjun. Si Cheng had been knocked out since 1 am, and it was really weird that Renjun and Chen Le didn’t try to wake him up before asking if they could sleep with him. Or did they? He couldn’t remember, it was more likely that his brothers went to sleep at a very late hour. 

He managed to grab his phone and turned it on. The time said it was 11:39 AM, so it was very late in the morning. It was Saturday, though, so it’s not like they had anything to do today, thankfully. 

Si Cheng had a series of messages of Ten, asking him if he wanted to do something today. He also had a single message from Jaehyun, sent at 4 in the morning, asking him if he had time to talk. Strange, since Si Cheng didn’t talk to Jaehyun much; that was Yuta’s and Taeyong’s friend, they were more like acquaintances in Si Cheng’s opinion. 

He sent a quick reply to Ten, stating that he could visit him if he wanted, and then told Jaehyun if he wanted to text or talk in person. He could feel Chen Le stir on his chest, waking up from all of Si Cheng’s movements, so he put his phone underneath his pillow and laid still, not wanting to wake him up. Soon he fell back asleep again, ignoring the weight on his chest - metaphorically, that is. 

***

_ Jitsuko was crying again for the third time that day, this time while she was cooking.  _

_ Yuta tapped on her shoulder. “Hey, what’s wrong, why are you crying?” _

_ She took her hands off her eyes, looking at Yuta. “I can’t do anything right,” she said, sniffling as she wiped her face with her sleeve. “I just can’t.” _

_ Yuta looked at the cutting board, where she had been trying to make sushi. The rice wasn’t sticky enough, so it was falling apart, and she cut stuffed too many ingredients in the rolls, making it chunky and harder to stay together properly.  _

_ “It’s fine if you can’t make one thing,” Yuta said, rolling up his sleeve. “I’ll fix it, don’t worry, just watch television or something-” _

_ “See?! I’m not even good enough to do something on my own,” she cried out, sobbing. “I can’t do anything!” _

_ Yuta grabbed her wrist and led her to the living room of their small apartment. They had moved after Daichi died around five months ago, not bearing to be in the same place where they used to live with their brother, tied with memories. They had been there for about two years, as soon as Daichi turned 18 so that he could take care of them, seeing how their father was incompetent.  _

_ Yet, somehow, their father had managed to ruin their life.  _

_ “Jitsuko-chan, you’re not useless, heck, I can’t make cake for shit but there’s other stuff I can do,” Yuta said, trying to calm down his younger sister. “It’s fine, look, just sit down right here.”  _

_ He led her to the couch and made her sit down. Jitsuko still had some tears in her eyes, but at least she had stopped bawling. “But that’s one thing, I can’t make anything-” _

_ “Right now you’re pregnant, Jitsuko-chan, don’t worry about not being able to do stuff.” Yuta grabbed one of the couch pillows and handed it to her so that she could hug it. “I’m your kid’s uncle, remember? I’m going to be the cool one who gives him the awesome Christmas presents and then complains about how you don’t let him have an extra cookie after dinner.” _

_ Jitsuko sniffled, wiping another tear. “I don’t think they’ll even like me.” _

_ “Course they will, you’re their mom and you’ll show them love and support,” Yuta insisted. “Kids don’t love mothers because they can do everything, they love them because they are there for them when they need you.” _

_ “They won’t even have a dad, though,” Jitsuko complained, hugging the pillow tightly to her chest. “They won’t even have one.”  _

_ “Fuck it, they don’t need one,” Yuta said. The man that raped his sister will  _ never  _ be her child’s father. Good thing Yuta made sure that that man will go to fucking hell. “I’m their uncle and I’ll be their dad when necessary, specifically for school events where dad’s get free bagels.” _

_ Jitsuko laughed. “Cream cheese with bagels is really good,” she admitted. _

_ “And sushi, too,” Yuta said, heading back into the kitchen. “Don’t worry, dinner will be served soon.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i will be updating more regularly now, thankfully, so this story will probably be updated once a week I supposed? No set schedule yet (stares at my eight work-in-progress) but I will always be posting updates on twitter, fyi. 
> 
> Also, wayv comeback is coming, yay!!


	4. Proficient Talent for Stealing Donuts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: ptsd flashbacks and mentions of child kidnapping

Si Cheng knocked on Taeyong’s door, where Jaehyun said he’ll be at today. Jaehyun spent a lot of time with Taeyong so it wasn’t uncommon for him to be over all the time. 

If Si Cheng was honest, he actually thought something was going on between the two, but that was another thought for another day. 

He knocked on the door again, and not even five seconds later, he heard someone open the door, someone unfamiliar. 

That someone was actually a child, a girl who couldn’t be more than ten. She wasn’t Ayaka, who was Taeyong’s daughter, so it must have been a friend or someone over visiting.

“Hello,” Si Cheng said in Korean, giving her a small, gentle wave. “Is Taeyong or Jaehyun here?”

The girl said something unintelligible and did not sound like a language that Si Cheng knew. Wasn’t Japanese, he’s gotten used to Yuta speaking that, and not Thai either because of Ten. It sounded really flowy, with a lot of vowels, but Si Cheng didn’t have a clue. 

“Uh…” he decided to speak in Mandarin this time. “So she doesn’t speak Korean-”

“You speak Chinese?!” She said in a broken accent. “Someone speak Chinese!”

Jaehyun showed up behind the girl, opening the door wider. “Si Cheng, you came,” he said, bowing down to greet him. Si Cheng reciprocated the action as well. “I see you meant Linh here.”

The girl Linh looked up at Jaehyun, speaking something in that unintelligible language from earlier. 

Jaehyun didn’t seem to understand her either. “She’s speaking Vietnamese,” he explained to Si Cheng. “Here, come on in, Taeyong is in the kitchen.” 

Si Cheng stepped in the familiar house, Linh running off to the living room where she must have been watching TV, while Taeyong was cooking in the kitchen and Ayaka handing her stuff, really pleased with herself, the two speaking in Japanese. 

“Taeyong, it’s Si Cheng,” Jaehyun said, closing the door behind him. “He’s here to see us.”

Taeyong looked back, grinning. “Hey, Si Cheng,” he said, setting down something on a cutting board. It appeared that he had been rolling some type of meatball with his bare hands. “Ayaka, look, it’s friend Si Cheng,” he told Ayaka in Korean. 

“Si Cheng, Si Cheng!!” She exclaimed, setting down a container of tomato broth on the kitchen counter before running up to Si Cheng, her arms wide. “Miss you!!”

She wrapped her arms around him, squeezing Si Cheng with all her strength. “Hey, Ayaka-chan,” Si Cheng said, returning the hug. “How have you been?” 

“Good, good, new sister,” she said in her broken Korean, pointing at the quiet Linh on the couch. “Eomma say new sister.

“Well, she ruined the surprise,” Jaehyun said, laughing. “But in essence… yes.”

“It just happened during the middle of the night,” Taeyong said, washing his hands in the kitchen sink before drying them with a towel. “She only speaks Vietnamese and a little bit of Chinese which I don’t speak, so I was just curious if you could maybe help translate a bit.”

Si Cheng looked at Linh, who he noticed was watching the whole exchange with curious eyes. “How did you guys meet her?” 

Taeyong sat down on the kitchen table, motioning Si Cheng to follow suit once Ayaka let go of him. “Jaehyun was out at night and there was an… incident.” Taeyong looked at Jaehyun. “Can you....”

Jaehyun nodded. “Yeah, I’ll tell him, don’t worry.”

Taeyong excused himself from the table and went and carried Ayaka, leading her down the hallway, muttering some Japanese. 

“It’s a sensitive issue,” Jaehyun said. “He doesn’t like hearing about the incident.”

“Is it that bad?” Si Cheng whispered, watching Taeyong take Ayaka away. 

Jaehyun shrugged. “I mean the bastards deserved it.” He saw Si Cheng raised an eye and lifted up his hand as a response. “It’s not what you think.”

Si Cheng stole another glance at Linh, who was paying attention to the television. “What happened?” he asked, afraid of hearing the answer. 

Jaehyun sighed. “Basically these guys were kidnapping children, including her, from foreign countries to do some organ trade, I dealt with them and the police are being returned to their families but Linh is an orphan,” he explained. “Taeyong immediately took her in, but Linh only speaks Vietnamese and a bit of Chinese, so it’s been hard to talk to her.”

“Do you want me to talk to her?” Si Cheng asked. “Tell her what in particular?”

“I mean, the police station had a translator, so they told her the basics,” Jaehyun continued. “But I have a favor, would you be willing to teach her some Korean? I know Taeyong wants to sign up for a Vietnamese course, but he’s worried about money and stuff, even though I told him it’s fine.”

Si Cheng nodded. “Yeah, I can teach her,” he said, “though it’s not good. How much Chinese does she know? She was able to greet me when she opened the door.”

“Honestly, no clue, I think she picked it up from somewhere,” Jaehyun said. “But yeah, it would mean a lot.”   
  


  
***

“Don’t steal the donuts, not that one, grab the boring one- NOT THE CHOCOLATE ONE WITH SPRINKLES!!!” Donghyuck screeched in the loft, lunging towards the box of donuts. “NO!!!!”

“Love, there’s another box of donuts,” Mark said, trying to calm his boyfriend but to no avail. “Uh-”

Chen Le swiped the donut box from Donghyuck, handing one to Jisung behind him, watching Donghyuck fall flat on the floor. “Shut up, you’re giving me PTSD flashbacks,” he said, ignoring Donghyuck’s fake cries of pain. “I thought you didn’t like sprinkles.”

“The crunchy ball sprinkles, whatever they’re called,” Donghyuck said. “Not the ones on Krispy Kreme donuts!!”

“Donghyuck, how do you call donut in Spanish?” Renjun said, not even paying attention to the chaos going on as he was too busy typing on his phone, probably to Jaemin. 

Donghyuck gave him a dirty look. “It’s just  _ dona,  _ which they also use to refer a scrunchie on their head, of course this depends on the region and dialect, could also be  _ liga  _ or  _ cola de caballo _ -”

Jeno stared at the whole chaos going on, curious. This had been his first time visiting the two brothers’ house and getting to hang out with the friends outside of school, plus meeting Jisung, but it was really… interesting, to say the least. 

They were all cool to hang out with, though, especially Renjun. Renjun had a no-fear personality that Jeno always wished he had. He had no care in the world, always doing as he pleases, and Jeno knew this was the first week, but he was pretty sure he was developing a crush on Renjun. 

Course, that was also a problem, considering-

“Stop texting your boyfriend,” Donghyuck yelled, trying to grab Renjun’s phone. This is quality time between all of us.” 

“Give me  _ one more minute _ !” Renjun yelled, leaning back to get away from Donghyuck. “I’m almost done!”

“Renjun, you’ve been texting him all day,” Chen Le said in a bored voice, sighing. “You’re always on your phone.”

Renjun glared at his younger brother. “Shut up, you’re always texting Jisung too, and what do you know, he’s  _ right behind you!! _ ”

“No I’m not,” Jisung said. “How do you know I’m not the real Jisung?”

“You’re wearing a BTS sweatshirt,” Renjun reminded him. 

Jisung looked down at his sweatshirt, which was part of the Love Yourself merchandise. “Ah, fuck.”

“I don’t understand this rivalry of yours.” Donghyuck sat back down, criss-crossed, leaning against Mark. “They’re just two groups of people singing and promoting juice and laundry detergent and what not."

“EXO is  _ not  _ just a group!!” Renjun and Chen Le shouted in unison. 

“Eh, I like 2 PM better,” Mark said. “You gotta admit, Hands Up is a bop-”

“What’s a bop?” Donghyuck asked him. 

Mark frowned, struggling how to explain it. “Uh… I mean… a good song?”

“Y’all are weird,” Renjun said, turning off his phone and tossing it to the side. “So what are we going to do?”

“What you’re gonna do is tell your younger brother to give me a donut,” Donghyuck stated. “Him and Jisung can’t  _ possibly  _ eat all of them-”

“You obviously don’t know how fast I can eat this donut,” Jisung said, biting more than half of the donut in one go. 

The boys continued arguing until they heard someone come upstairs, turning around to see it was Yuta. “What are you guys doing?” 

Jisung spoke first, his mouth still half full. “Donuts.”

Yuta nodded. “I see. Well, Renjun, Chen Le, your brother’s back from seeing Taeyong and Jaehyun,” he informed them, climbing back down on the stairs. “I think he’s gonna make lunch for you guys-”

“GEGE!!” Renjun and Chen Le hastily got up from their spots on the floor and ran out of the loft to follow Yuta down the stairs. 

“I want to help him make pizza rolls,” Renjun said. 

Chen Le ran closely behind him, ignoring that he was practically bumping into his brother. “Eomma is back, he’s back-”

They left the other floor in the loft, who were continuing to argue about donuts. Well, mainly Donghyuck and Jisung, as Jisung took Chen Le’s box and was protecting it. 

“HAND OVER THE BOX, PEASANT!” Donghyuck yelled at Jisung. 

Jisung twisted his body around, away from Donghyuck’s grasp. “NEVER!”

“Uh, why did they leave?” Jeno asked Mark, who was trying to contain Donghyuck. “Their brother?”

“Yeah, they worship him too much,” Mark said nonchalantly, shrugging. “They just hate being apart from them. It’s normal, you get used to it.”

Jeno nodded, understanding but was still confused as to why Chen Le had called his brother eomma. 

***   
  


Later that evening after their friends left, the four of them were quietly eating dinner, a Chinese recipe that Si Cheng had looked up online, which was really just shrimp with vermicelli pasta, nothing grand but still tasty. 

“Did you guys have fun today?” Si Cheng asked, spinning a piece of the pasta with his force. 

Renjun and Chen Le nodded, with Renjun speaking up first. “It was cool today, they asked if we could have a sleepover next week.”

“Yeah, it was nice of Jisung and Jeno finally meeting each other, I’m glad they get along,” Chen Le added, picking up his cup of apple juice. “I just wish Jisung didn’t live so far.”

Si Cheng bit his lip, not saying anything. He knew it had been the best choice taking the buys away from the city, but…

“Well, soon Jisung and you guys will graduate high school and you’ll be free to travel and do all you please,” Yuta said. “Oh, that reminds me, I’m heading to Japan Monday to see my sister, did you guys want anything?” 

“Ooh, the chocolate covered potato chips,” Renjun asked. “I think they were really delicious.”

“Yeah, me too, I want some too!” Chen Le exclaimed. “They’re really tasty.”

Yuta laughed as the conversation soon turned into Renjun and Chen Le arguing over which items dipped in chocolate were the best. Si Cheng didn’t say anything, secretly grinning at the exchange between his brothers; Yuta already told him earlier about some help Jitsuko needed so he was heading off, and promised to bring a gift to Si Cheng, despite the latter saying he didn’t need anything. 

“Chocolate donuts are also really good,” Renjun stated. “Too bad you ate all of them, Zhong Chen Le.”

Chen Le crossed his arms, pretending to pout. “I didn’t eat all of them, that was Jisung.”

“My mistake, too bad you and your  _ boyfriend,  _ Mr. Park Jisung, ate all of them!!”

“You don’t even like those!! You like the strawberry glazed ones!!”

“Hey, you guys have to remember to share,” Si Cheng reminded them. “We can always buy more donuts.”

Renjun crossed his arms as well, giving Si Cheng a smug look. “Fine. Then share your milk duds-”

“Never.” Si Cheng pushed back from the table, picking up his empty plate. “Milk duds have nothing to do with this conversation.”

“ _ You have to remember to share _ ,” Renjun taunted him in Chinese, getting out of his seat and running to the kitchen. “I’m going to eat them-”

“YOU DON’T EVEN LIKE THEM!” Si Cheng yelled, running after Renjun who had taken the last box out of the cabinet. “Hand them over!”

“No, never!” Renjun said, laughing as he clutched the box closer to his chest. “I’m going to eat them!”

Si Cheng decided that extreme measures would now be appropriate, so he resorted to tickling Renjun’s side, the latter squealing with laughter as he doubled over, desperately trying not to give his older brother the box of candy. “ _ You’re going to pay for it, _ ” Si Cheng teased him, successfully managing to make Renjun fall on the floor, now tickling his neck.

“No, didi, help me!!” Renjun cried out, laughing as he let go of the box to push Si Cheng’s arms away from him. 

Yuta was howling with laughter watching the whole tickle fight go down, as Chen Le jumped out of his chair to tickle Renjun as well. “No, because you made fun of me and Jisung!”

“WHAT?! I do not deserve this betrayal!!” Si Cheng let go of Renjun to grab the milk duds, letting Renjun lunge at Chen Le, tackling him to the floor. “I deserved those donuts and you know it!”

“ _ Renjun, Renjun!!”  _ Chen Le laughed (well, what they assumed to be laughter), Renjun tickling his stomach with one hand while pinning his arms above him with the other, preventing Chen Le to fight back.  _ “No, stop, Renjun stop!!” _

“No, that’s for payback!” Renjun said, resting his weight on Chen Le’s legs to prevent him from moving. “I want my donut!”

“ _ Please stop!!”  _ Chen Le cried out, tears on his face. “ _ Gege, gege, help me, it hurts, it hurts!!”  _

“Renjun, stop it!” Si Cheng dropped his candy and wrapped his arms around Renjun, using what little strength he had to pull him off Chen Le. “Just stop it, please.”

Yuta, realizing what was going on, stopped laughing and went to Chen Le’s side, trying to help him get up. “Are you okay, Chen Le?” he said, the latter not paying attention to him as he continued to sob. “Chen Le, hey, we’re here, Chen Le, don’t cry, it’s just Renjun-”

“Yuta, it’s fine,” Si Cheng mumbled, sitting next to Chen Le and hugging him, Chen Le crying on his shoulder. “ _ Didi, I’m here, okay? I know I wasn’t before but I’m here now _ .”

  
  


***

“I can wait another week,” Yuta told Si Cheng, who was washing his face in the mirror. Renjun and Chen Le were already asleep on their bed, so they were the only ones awake in the house. “It’s fine-”

“Yuta, you said that Lucas and Taeil specifically asked for your help, regarding your connections,” Si Cheng reminded him, turning off the sink and grabbing the towel to dry his face. “You can’t just leave your gang members alone.”

“I know but…” he couldn’t reveal the real reason why he wanted to stay. He had already lied to Si Cheng's brothers about why he was really leaving, anyways. “You have to understand me getting worried.”

“Yuta, I’ve been dealing with this for years,” Si Cheng said. “I’ve seen Chen Le and Renjun argue, get hurt, give each other the silent treatment, give  _ me  _ the silent treatment, I know it’s not good but I can handle it.” He toyed with the towel in his hand, not wanting to look at Yuta. “It means a lot to me that you care, but I don’t want to be the reason for you being held back.”

Yuta opened his mouth but closed it, just sighing in response. 

Renjun had confided in him earlier that he and Chen Le heard people knocking on the door last night, men covered in black clothing with what appeared to be weapons. Apparently, this had been a regular occurrence back in their old apartment in Seoul, and they didn’t know who those men were. They didn’t want to scare Si Cheng, who still thought their old life was now behind them, but they didn’t want nothing to be done about the situation, either. 

He’ll have to ask Jaehyun and Johnny to keep an eye on the brothers for the duration of the week. Hopefully they didn’t mind, as they knew Johnny was having some struggles with his findings and Jaehyun was helping Taeyong with the new girl they took in a few hours ago. 

Plus, there was the whole thing that happened with Chen Le right now, and he had a really strong feeling of what had happened to him before, the incident that Si Cheng never specified to him. He had seen his sister have similar flashbacks like those before. 

“I’ll keep my phone on all times,” Yuta said quietly. “Don’t hesitate to reach out to me.”

He knew that Si Cheng always hesitated until the last minute, but his love nodded his head, agreeing. “Just be careful,” he reminded Yuta, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. “Please don’t get hurt."

Yuta couldn’t help but grin. “Do you remember what I told you before you came here?”

“Don’t make your indestructible joke again,” Si Cheng said. “You cried earlier when you stubbed your toe at the kitchen table.”

“The table was out to get me and you know it.”

Si Cheng rolled his eyes, setting the towel down. “We should go to sleep, it’s almost midnight.”

Yuta bowed down, extending his hand to Si Cheng. “After you, my love.”

“Oh god, you’re so cheesy.” Si Cheng took his hand and Yuta led him to the bed, helping him lay down between a snoring Renjun and Chen Le with his arms tangled in the blankets. “The way they sleep scares me.”

“You get used to it,” Si Cheng said, trying to pull the covers up to cover him and his brothers. “They’re really erratic.”

“Oh, they can be spread out all they want, I just want to hold your hand,” Yuta said, lying down near the edge. “All because I love you.”

Si Cheng pulled up the blanket higher, not wanting Yuta to see his red cheeks, but stuck out his hand. “Then grab it.”

He felt Yuta grabbing it, caressing his skin. “Just the way I like it.”   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know im a bit slower with the updates in this story, its been hard to plan it (I have specific scenes and plots that happened but its always been a struggle of mine for pacing. My other stories I usually make it up as I go). 
> 
> Also TW// suicide  
> Im not sure if you guys have heard but its rumored that Yohan from TST/Top secret has committed suicide, allkpop made an article but their source has not been confirmed, please stay of twitter if you cant see those stuff. I know many people who are working to advise people about it, and if you talk about it, give the trigger warning please. I really hope its just a rumor a fan made up for attention, I really hope Yohan and TST are okay.


	5. Don’t Talk to Me

With Yuta gone for the week, it meant that it was just the three of them at the house for a while, which was more quiet than usual. 

Well, two, if you consider that Renjun was off hanging out with Jaemin again that evening. 

It was just Si Cheng and Chen Le in the living room, watching television. Chen Le wasn’t even paying attention, as he was too busy drawing in his sketchbook, leaving Si Cheng to watch the Chinese show alone. 

Si Cheng couldn’t concentrate on the screen, so he took a peek at Chen Le’s drawing, which was unrecognizable. “What are you drawing?” he asked, curious.

Chen Le bent down more, covering his sketchbook. “It’s nothing,” he mumbled, still drawing. “Just for school.”

Si Cheng raised an eye but didn’t say anything. Chen Le had never been the type to hide his drawings from them, unless it was those based on nightmares-

Oh. 

“Do you want to order pizza?” Si Cheng offered, trying to think of a way to make Chen Le forget about that drawing. He knew Chen Le would go back to it eventually; Chen Le always finished a drawing, one way or another. “Maybe we can rent a movie.”

Chen Le shook his head. “I’m not hungry, I ate earlier.”

“I- okay, well… do you want to play uno-”

“I don’t feel so good,” Chen Le interrupted him, getting off the couch. “I think I’m going to go to bed.”

Normally, Si Cheng would pepper him with questions, asking Chen Le what was wrong, but it was obvious that Chen Le just wanted to be left alone. “Okay,” Si Cheng said finally, watching Chen Le walk away. “Goodnight, didi.”

***

After Renjun came back home and went to his room, Si Cheng headed towards his own room to sleep, just a few minutes before midnight. 

He talked with Yuta for a bit on the phone, maybe a good ten minutes, and then laid there awake, having trouble falling asleep. It was still hard for him, if he was honest, but it wasn’t insomnia, he was sure. 

Around 2 am, he heard a soft knock on his door, soon opening to reveal Chen Le in his pajamas. Noticing Si Cheng was awake, he asked, “Gege, can I sleep with you tonight?”

Si Cheng nodded, taking off his blanket for his younger brother to climb in next to him, the two soon falling asleep with the other holding him. 

  
  


***

“Do you ever feel like someone’s hiding secrets from you?” Si Cheng told Ten the next day, circling the rim of his coffee mug, not drinking it. “I feel like something’s up.”

Ten raised an eye. “Are you suspecting Yuta?” he asked. “That’s odd, you never do.”

“No, not that, Yuta’s always been honest with me,” Si Cheng said. “I’m talking about Renjun and Chen Le.”

“That’s- well, what type of secret?” Ten asked him, curious. “Did something happen?”

Si Cheng shook his head before stopping. “Well- I mean there  _ was  _ this one incident,” he explained, thinking about that Saturday evening. “But I don’t think it’s because of that- actually, I’m not really sure.”

“Well, Si Cheng, you have to remember that at the end of the day, there are still teenagers,” Ten concluded. “They’re going to go through some stuff with their friends and boyfriends and all that jazz, I can guarantee you one thousand percent that they won’t tell you when they’ll be having sex-”

“Oh, god, not the sex talk, anything but that.” Si Cheng covered his ears, not wanting to hear his friend. “Please don’t talk about that-”

“Si Cheng, you  _ literally  _ have sex with Yuta every week,” Ten pointed out.

“That’s- that’s different! Besides, I only talk about… doing  _ stuff  _ with Yuta to you, anyways, I can’t tell them about that.”

Ten gave him one of those mischievous smiles. “I mean, you  _ would  _ scar them for life if you talked to them about how you like Yuta eating you out-”

“Nanana, I can’t hear you!!” Si Cheng screamed, laying his head on the table. “I tell you all of that in confidence!”

“Si Cheng, I’m just  _ kidding _ !” Ten rolled his eyes at him, taking a sip of his black coffee. “But you’re still going to have to tell them that stuff eventually if you want them to trust you about that kind of stuff. Plus, they have boyfriends, they’re bound to be curious sooner or later.”

“I’m not looking forward to giving them the sex talk,” Si Cheng mumbled, staring at his coffee cup. “I mean, I know I should be able to talk to them about it, since I’m…  _ experienced  _ and older and more mature and whatever but.. I wished my mother was here,” he admitted. “She gave the talk to me before she passed away and I know she would have been able to talk to them.”

Ten frowned. Si Cheng had a constant habit of doubting his parenting skills (or older brother skills, whatever you called it.) “I think the difference between you and them is that, well, how do I explain this… look, you matured when you were wrong because you were put in a situation where you had to. Thankfully, you’ve been able to give your brothers the opportunities of being teens, and at the end of the day, they’re going to be teens, 

Si Cheng rubbed his cheeks vigorously, still feeling how warm they felt. “I just want them to feel like they can always confide on me with anything, you know, letting them know that I’m there for them, you know? I just wish… I don’t know, I guess I’m just naive-”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m sure they know that they’ll always be able to trust you,” Ten said, reaching out to grab Si Cheng’s hand, rubbing smooth circles on it. “Maybe they’re just trying to be independent like all teenagers, but they’ll always count on you, I’m sure.”

  
  


***

“I really thought I could count on you guys,” Donghyuck screamed at the table during lunch, holding a smashed apple in his hands. “Y’all can go die.”

“That’s, uh, a bit extreme Haechan-” Mark tried to calm down his boyfriend, but to no avail.

Renjun didn’t look away from his phone, still typing on it. It was pretty obvious that he was texting Jaemin. “I have seen death multiple times with my own eyes,” he said, half-joking. 

Chen Le glared at him. “Don’t say stuff like that,” he mumbled in Chinese, thankful that the group didn’t know Mandarin. 

Renjun shrugged, ignoring his brother’s glare. “I can joke about anything I want,” he said in Mandarin as well, grabbing his water bottle. “Plus, it’s not like they know anything.”

“But it’s not funny,” Chen Le muttered, picking at his rice. “Si Cheng was also affected.”

“Uh, hello, I don’t speak Chinese,” Donghyuck interrupted them, placing his smashed apple on Mark’s tray. Mark continued eating, already used to his antics. “What are we arguing about?”

“Chen Le, it’s just a joke, don’t take it so seriously,” Renjun said, still speaking in Mandarin, laughing as he sent Jaemin another message. “Don’t be so sensitive.”

“Guys, I don’t speak  _ Mandarin _ !” Donghyuck shouted. “What’s going on, are you fighting?”

Chen Le shook his head, pushing away from the table. “I have to go to the library,” he lied, picking up his tray. “I have to do homework.”

“Well,  _ someone  _ procrastinated again,” Mark muttered under his breath, remembering his big math packet due tomorrow that he has only completed two problems of. Oh, how he hated high school so much.

“Remember, Chen Le, fuck the education system,” Donghyuck reminded him, watching Chen Le grabbed his backpack and leave. He turned to look at Renjun. “What was up with him?”

“He just has something on his mind,” Renjun lied, stabbing his rice. He didn’t want to have this conversation with them. “When that happens, he gets annoyed easily.”

Donghyuck watched Chen Le dump his tray full of food into the trash can, stacking his tray before leaving the cafeteria altogether. “It looked like you two were arguing,” Donghyuck admitted. “Whatever it is, he must be very pissed.”

Renjun saw another notification come from Jaemin, but he couldn’t bring himself to open it, replaying his and Chen Le’s conversation in his head. Why did Chen Le get so sensitive, they’ve said stuff about this before-

Well, to be fair, it was mainly Renjun who was always into dark humor, Chen Le just shrugged it off. 

Has it always bothered him? They often had their conversations about heavy topics come up every once in a while, whether it was a memory, a nightmare or a concern. Renjun always threw in a joke here or there and Chen Le usually didn’t have an issue with it. 

Maybe Chen Le had something in his mind. Renjun would have to pry it out of him later, or maybe even ask Si Cheng about it. HIs older brother was smart, he would know what to do. This is why Renjun always trusted him with a lot of stuff. 

Well, almost everything. 

“Is everything okay?” Jeno whispered to Renjun, right when Donghyuck started arguing with Mark about the differences between the romance languages. “I didn’t tell you this before, but… I know some Mandarin.”

Renjun paused, looking at Jeno. “Wait, what?”

Jeno nodded. “I studied it for two years before I quit, but yeah, I understood something about something behind a joke.”

“I- it’s fine, don’t worry about it,” Renjun said, looking away. “You wouldn’t understand.”

Jeno tilted his head, confused. “Why not?”

“Look, Jeno, I’m not sure if you noticed, but me and Chen Le did not exactly have a fun time growing up,” Renjun said flat-out, turning on his phone again to text Jaemin. “And I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Renjun, what do you think is harder to pronounce, Italian or Romanian?” Donghyucked asked him, having no clue what the two were just talking about now.

“Any language that involves understanding you,” Renjun said, texting back a reply to Jaemin. 

“Romanian isn’t a romance language-”

“YES IT IS, MARK, IT’S EVEN THERE IN THE NAME, ROMANCE-”   
  


***

After school, Si Cheng made lunch for his two brothers to eat, some miso soup that Yuta always expressed fondness over, when he realized that Renjun and Chen Le were giving each other the silent treatment, Renjun heading to his room and Chen Le to the basement. 

Si Cheng sighed, staring at the bowls he had prepared with soup. Something was going on with them, he was sure, and it was bothering him. 

Knowing Renjun was often the more difficult one to calm down, Si Cheng grabbed a bowl and spoon and headed downstairs to see Chen Le first. 

Chen Le was sitting on his desk, sketching on a large canvas. He hasn’t been showing any of his drawings to Si Cheng recently and it was quite plausible that he wouldn’t want Si Cheng to see this one either. 

Si Cheng knocked on the wall, signaling he was there. “Chen Le, I brought you soup.”

Chen Le turned around to see his older brother standing at the doorway. “Oh, I didn’t know,” he lied, knowing very well that Si Cheng always made them lunch for after school. He just didn’t feel like eating today, but knew it was rude to waste food, especially if Si Cheng took his time preparing it. “I can come up-”

“No, you can eat here, it’s okay.” Si Cheng stepped forward, bowl in his hand. “Can I sit next to you?’

Chen Le nodded, so Si Cheng walked towards him and set the bowl of warm soup on the table, far away from the canvas as possible as to not ruin it. “It’s miso,” he said. “Do you mind if I sit next to you?”

“No, it’s fine,” Chen Le said, looking at his canvas drawing. He hadn’t done much on it yet, just outlining some trees, so it’s not like he’s done much progress. “I don’t mind.”

Si Cheng pulled up a chair and sat next to him. “Is your drawing a secret?” he asked, referencing the canvas. 

Chen Le stared at it, shaking his head. “No, it’s just a landscape drawing, I don’t know if I’ll be able to paint it soon.”

“Well, I would give you advice about not rushing with any drawings and stuff, but since I can’t even draw a straight line, I can’t really say anything,” Si Cheng joked. It was no secret that he was a bad drawer. “But you seem to have the hang of it, I know it’ll turn out fine.” 

“Yeah, but just because you can do something perfectly a thousand times doesn’t mean the next time it’ll be good,” Chen Le muttered. He picked up his pencil and spun it his hands. “It could still turn out terrible.”

Si Cheng looked around on Chen Le’s desk, picking up one of the spare erasers. “What is this?” he asked, picking it up to show him. 

Chen Le frowned. “An eraser?”

“Exactly,” Si Cheng said. “Why do you have it?”

“Uh… in case I need to erase some lines,” Chen Le said. 

“So for when you make a mistake,” Si Cheng concluded for him, handing it to him. “When you make a mistake.”

Chen Le nodded. “I mean… yeah.”

“But you know, that’s okay,” Si Cheng explained. “I know this might not be the best analogy, but think of you drawing as your life, Chen Le. You're going to be doing your own thing, just drawing, but they’ll be a mistake, or something unexpected will go wrong. Sometimes you can erase some lines and continue like normal, sometimes you’ll need a new page.” He lifted up Chen Le’s hand, each one holding an object. “But you’ll always have the pencil, okay?”

Chen Le stared at the pencil and eraser in his hands before looking at his older brother. “How do you manage to spill some wisdom everyday?”

“I don’t really consider myself wise.” Si Cheng grabbed a strand of Chen Le’s hair, patting it down. “If you ever make a mistake Chen Le, don’t be afraid of it, okay?”

Chen Le nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

Si Cheng ruffled his hair one last time before getting up. “I’m going to give your brother some soup as well,” he said, putting the chair back. “I know you two argued, I’m not stupid, and I hope you guys work it out before Yuta comes back.”

“We didn’t fight,” Chen Le lied.

“Oh, ok.” Si Cheng rested his arm on the back of the chair. “Then can you give him a bowl of soup while I run to the store real quick?”

“No,” Chen Le replied too quickly, looking at his canvas and drawing on it again. “I don’t want to talk to him.”

Si Cheng sighed, heading to the doorway. “Just work it out, okay? Remember you guys can tell me anything,” he said, giving one last look of his younger brother before climbing up the stairs, ready to deal with the same reaction from Renjun.    
  
***

He went to the store after a brief 10-second conversation from Renjun, summarizing that he did not want soup nor did he want to talk to Chen Le, so he was hoping that the visit to the store would clear his head. 

Si Cheng didn’t really have much things to buy, if he was honest. Mainly, he just wanted to get his brothers a little something to cheer them up, hoping they would get out of their funk soon. Silent treatments didn’t usually last that long in their family, thankfully. 

Strolling through each aisle, Si Cheng thought maybe it would be a good idea to try another Chinese dish to cook. He had seen a recipe for one dish earlier, Kung Pao chicken, and wasn’t sure if it was authentic, but thought it sounded tasty enough to try. 

He grabbed some chicken in the deli, comparing the prices in his head for the cheapest one, before eventually settling for one package, placing it in the cart when he noticed a stand nearby.

It was Peppero, one of those sticks covered in chocolate that he sometimes liked to eat. However, it was mainly the thing being promoted on the box, or more like who that made him stop in his tracks. 

That’s it! Get his brothers something EXO related, they good never say no to that”

Si Cheng grabbed four boxes, two for each of his brothers, and set them in the cart as well, delicately in the top row. Surely this was the way to make them talk - EXO bribery. 

He grabbed the rest of the ingredients for the recipe and tried to think of anything else in the house missing. Maybe detergent, water, shampoo- no, nothing that he could think of, if he was honest. If there was anything missing, he could get it tomorrow, it’s fine. 

Si Cheng quickly paid for his items (grabbing a box of milk duds last minute - he couldn’t resist) and headed outside, opening the back of the car to put the stuff in when his phone rang. 

It was Yuta, he realized, sliding open his phone and putting it next to his ear, closing the back of the car. “Hey, Yuta, what’s up?”

“Nothing, I just missed you,” Yuta admitted. “I wanted to hear your voice.”

Si Cheng rolled his eyes, smiling. “I missed you, too,” he said truthfully. It still worried him of Yuta being in Japan dealing with some stuff. Hopefully he was okay- wait. “You’re not dying, are you?!”

“Woah, where did  _ this  _ come from?” Yuta asked. “That was random.”

“You once said ‘I would do that’ to a post saying that if you were on the verge of dying, you would make a call as normal and pretend nothing is wrong.”

“I can assure you, I am not dying,” Yuta said. “Maybe a little, I stepped on my nephew’s legos this morning- no, make that a lot, that hurt like a bitch.”

Si Cheng pushed the cart back into its place in the parking lot, taking out his keys. “I’m sorry to hear that,” Si Cheng said, thinking of the lego set he had when he was five and stepped on some pieces, crying to his mom and dad. Unlike now, he didn’t have calluses on his feet to protect from injury. “That really hurts-”

He stopped when he looked back to his car, noticing someone familiar leaning against his car, hands in pocket as he stared at him. 

Si Cheng froze, dropping his phone on the concrete.

“Wow, Si Cheng, you’ve grown up a lot,” Joosuk said, giving him a fake grin. “Taller, more defined, I guess being a dancer would do that to you.”

Si Cheng stared at him. His ears were ringing and it felt like his heart was going to leap at of his chest any second now, he couldn’t breath, oh, god, Si Cheng couldn’t breath

He took out the pocket knife he always kept in his pocket and pointed it at Joosuk. “Get away from me,” he said in a low voice. “Get AWAY FROM ME!!”

Joosuk laughed, getting off of the car. “You think you can act tough now,” he said, stepping closer to him. Si Cheng trying to step back some more but tripped on his phone, falling backwards. “Little Si Cheng, thinking he’s so grown up now-”

Si Cheng scooted back, but Joosuk just walked past him, not sparing him a second glace. “I would keep a closer eye on your brothers, if I were you,” he said. “Only you know what happened last time you didn’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story will be getting dark soon with triggers added, fyi, but remember, HAPPY ENDING!!! (i think i scarred you guys with the first book, sorry)


	6. Spill

Si Cheng stayed on the pavement, sobbing as he covered his hands with his face. 

He doesn’t know how long he stayed there crying on the hard burning pavement, it could have been from five minutes to hours for all he knew, but the amount of fear crawling in his body, tying his stomach up in knots was immense, so immense, he couldn’t stop trembling. 

All those years ago, when Joosuk walked out after hurting his younger brother, Si Cheng truly thought he was gone for good. That he would just accept the fact that he would never get his revenge on Joosuk for hurting his brothers, and that he was stuck in a life where he now how to dancing on a fucking pole to pay back that wicked man’s debt to some club owner guy that Si Cheng never gave two shits about. 

_ Why? _

He had been a fool. Did he  _ really  _ think that it was easy? That he could just run away with his brothers to a city and forget about their past? That- that everything would just turn into normal, with Si Cheng having a normal job and making them lunch and them coming back to school with excitement and happiness and their eyes and not worry for what the night might bring?

All these thoughts kept going through his head and he wanted a way out, he needed to  _ do  _ something, he couldn’t be stuck here, no, he couldn’t, please no-

Si Cheng pushed himself off the ground, his palms getting scratched by the pavement, his legs trembling with each effort that he made. He had parked next to the cart lot, where you pushed in metal carts in a straight line, so he grabbed onto the metal bars on the edges, heaving himself help, wanting to collapse any second now. 

He saw his phone, keys and pocket knife on the concrete, so he scrambled to grab them, worried sick if his brothers were home all right, when he noticed that his phone was still in the middle of a call-

_ Yuta _ .

He pressed the phone against his ear, opening the car door with his keys. “Yuta? Yuta, are you there?"

“Si Cheng? Oh god, Si Cheng, I was so worried- Si Cheng, hey, look, I’m booking a flight back to Korea okay?” Yuta said on the phone. “I don’t know what happened, but I’m coming back, I should be there in a few hours okay?? I’m coming back, okay, just go to the house and stay there, okay?”

Si Cheng wanted to say no, that Yuta didn’t need to come back for him, that he needed to stay in Japan and do what he had to do, help his friends, be with his sister, but Si Cheng didn’t have the energy to argue with him, the only thing on his mind being whether his brothers were safe back home, and this was the only thing he had on his mind the drive back. 

  
  


***

When Si Cheng arrived back home after breaking almost every traffic law known to man, he hastily closed the car door as he struggled to unlock the door to the house, shutting all the locks tight when he got in. 

Renjun, who had gone into the kitchen for some water, was surprised at the whole situation. “Si Cheng, what are you doing?” he asked, water in hand. 

Si Cheng turned around and ran towards Renjun, pulling him into a hug. “You’re safe, right, everything’s okay?” he questioned, voice laced with worry. “Oh, god, Renjun-”

“Gege, you’re  _ choking  _ me,” Renjun pointed out. “And I’m fine, me and Chen Le aren’t fighting-”

“Oh my god, Chen Le?!” Si Cheng immediately let go of Renjun and went to the basement door, dashing down the steps shouting for Chen Le’s names. “Chen Le?”

Renjun sighed, knowing it was going to be just Si Cheng presumably squeeze Chen Le until the latter almost passed out, though he was getting a bit worried. Si Cheng usually acted like this during nightmares, when he got out of his room to check up on Renjun and Chen Le, but in the middle of the day?

It had been almost two hours since Si Cheng had been gone, and if Renjun recalled correctly, Si Cheng  _ had  _ said that he was going to the store. Which would make sense if Si Cheng actually  _ came  _ with something. 

Was Si Cheng hiding something?

Renjun stood in front of the basement entrance, where he could hear Si Cheng sobbing while Chen Le helped him climb up the stairs. “Gege, why are you crying, we’re right here,” Chen Le said. “Didn’t you go to the store anyways? Where’s the stuff you brought-”

His earlier argument with Chen Le was pushed to the back of his mind as he walked down the stairs to grab Si Cheng’s hand, helping him get up. He could feel Si Cheng’s dirty, scratched up palms, which made him think that had to do with why his older brother was being unstable right now. “Si Cheng, can you tell us what happened, please, you’re worrying us-”

Si Cheng shook his head, wiping his face with his sleeve. “I’m sorry, I’ve tried everything I can to make sure you guys are safe and  _ nothing is working _ -”

“Did you tell him?” Chen Le asked Renjun. “Did you?”

Si Cheng sniffled. “Tell me what?”

“Why we were fighting,” Renjun lied, getting Si Cheng off the stairs and into the dining room. “It’s nothing serious, Si Cheng, you worry too much-”

“Renjun, not now,” Chen Le warned him, pulling out a chair from the table and helping Si Cheng sit down. “Gege, don’t worry about anything, we’re right here, all safe and sound.”

Chen Le doesn’t remember the last time they had been comforting Si Cheng like this. The only time their brother has acted like this other than a nightmare was-

“Wait, did something happen… with Yuta?” Chen Le asked slowly, afraid to hear the answer. 

Si Cheng wiped his face again, his eyes puffy and red. “No, not Yuta,” he said, letting Chen Le and Renjun breath a sigh of relief. “He’s okay, Yuta- yeah, Yuta is safe, thankfully. I just…”

A loud ringing noise interrupted him, which turned out to be his phone ringing. Si Cheng pulled it out of his pocket, wondering if it was Yuta when he saw the Chinese character for the number ten flashing on the caller ID. 

“Why is Ten calling?” Renjun asked when Si Cheng slid the green button, lifting it to his ear. “Gege, what’s going on?”

Si Cheng shook his head, yelling into the receiver. “Ten? Ten, what are you doing-”

“I’m standing right in front of your house,” Ten said from the other line. “Let me in, Yuta called me earlier-”

Si Cheng scrambled to get out of his chair and dashed towards the foyer, looking out the peephole before unlocking the door to see Ten outside, hand holding his phone. 

“Yuta called and said he heard some stuff when you were at the store- woah, woah, hey.” Ten wrapped his arms around Si Cheng, who had pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. “I’m here, buddy, your brothers are here, and Yuta is fine back in Japan, what happened?”

“Joosuk,” Si Cheng whispered, clutching onto the collar of Ten’s shirt. “Joosuk.”

Ten frowned, pulling back from Si Cheng. “Hold on, Joosuk? As in… wait,  _ what _ ?”

“He knows we’re here, Ten,” Si Cheng cried out. “And I’m scared.”   
  


  
***

  
  


It was evening. 

Si Cheng had fallen asleep on the couch, curled up next to Ten. Renjun and Chen Le stayed in the living room away from them in silence. 

Yuta was also there, having just arrived from Japan earlier, and was sitting next to the other side of Si Cheng, rubbing his hand on the latter’s back while Ten explained to them their conversation from earlier. 

“He said that Joosuk had popped up behind him while he was putting stuff away in his car,” Ten explained. “And that he said stuff like… referencing the pole dancing and other stuff....”

Yuta looked at the sleepy Si Cheng, rubbing soothing circles on his back as the latter continued to sleep. “I don’t know much about his stepfather,” he admitted, “but I know enough, unfortunately.”

“Yeah, his stepfather was not a great man,” Ten said, sighing. “He’s the reason why Si Cheng had to be a parent since he was extremely young.”

Yuta glanced at Renjun and Chen Le, who were whispering between each other. They haven’t said anything since he arrived, having understood what happened when Si Cheng spilled everything to Ten. “He better stay out of his life,” he said. “Or I’ll make sure he does.”   
  
***

The boys didn’t go to school the next day. Yuta had told them that it would be best if they stayed in where they were safe as he and Si Cheng got to the bottom of things. 

Yuta had carried Si Cheng to their room last name when he fell asleep, and it wasn’t until late in the morning when Si Cheng finally woke up. 

Si Cheng opened his eyes slowly, getting used to the light streaming in the room, widening when he saw Yuta in front of him. “I didn’t know you were back,” he said slowly, stretching his arms.

Yuta ran his hand through Si Cheng’s hair, playing with a few of the strands. “I came back in the evening yesterday when Ten was still here, but you had fallen asleep,” he explained. “I didn’t want to wake you up, you deserved to have some rest.”

“I- I’m sorry.” Si Cheng pulled the blanket up higher, covering his chest; Yuta must have changed him into pajamas, as he was wearing a plain white t-shirt and some shorts. “You had just gotten to Japan and barely lasted a day.”

“No, don’t worry about that.” Yuta let go of Si Cheng’s hair and rested his hands underneath his pillow, pausing for a few seconds as he looked at his love. “I’m just glad you and your brothers are safe.”

When Yuta said the word brothers, Si Cheng abruptly sat up, throwing the blanket off his body. “My brothers, I need to go check on them,” he said, getting off the bed. “Oh no, I need to check-”

“Uh, I told them not to go to school today,” Yuta said, watching Si Cheng open the bedroom door. “I thought it would be best if we could stay in today.”

Si Cheng nodded before heading out of the room, walking down the hallway. “Renjun? Chen Le?”

Yuta got out of bed as well, following Si Cheng who was knocking on Renjun’s door. “They might be downstairs together,” Yuta suggested. “They were awake when I talked to them.”

Sighing, Si Cheng made his way towards the staircase. “I remember my only problem yesterday being that they were fighting with each other,” he said softly.

“Why did they fight, though?” Yuta asked. The three brothers rarely fought with each other, he had noticed these past few months, way different than what his relationship had been with his brother and sister years ago, back when his brother was still alive. “Did they never tell you?”

Si Cheng shook his head. “No, and they usually do, unless it involves not wanting to worry me or something,” he explained. “Which bothers me, since how am I supposed to help them and keep them safe if I don’t know what’s going on?”

That reminded Yuta of what Renjun and Chen Le had confided in him before he left for Japan. He hadn’t wanted to tell Si Cheng per the brothers’ request, wanting to deal with it before giving Si Cheng to worry about anything, though with the appearance of Joosuk, all of that went to shit anyway. 

“You should ask them now,” Yuta suggested. “And also, before you go downstairs… can I tell you something real quick?”

Si Cheng looked back at Yuta. “What is it?”

Yuta scratched the back of his neck, feeling the room getting very hot all of a sudden. He had no idea how Si Cheng was going to handle the news. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry,” he started. “Your brothers told me and don’t let them know that I told you, they seemed really concerned.

“About what?” Si Cheng asked, his voice laced with worry. 

“It’s- okay, they said there were normal occurrences that happened to you guys back in Seoul,” Yuta explained. “And basically, it’s happening here again.”

He watched Si Cheng tilt his head in confusion. “Normal occurrences like… Yuta, you're not making any sense.”

Yuta took a deep breath before continuing. “Something about knockings.”

Immediately, Si Cheng’s face fell. “The- the  _ knockings  _ are back?”

“Si Cheng don’t freak out, please stay calm,” Yuta warned him. “I didn’t tell you because I wanted you to worry, in fact I didn’t want you to, I just don’t feel right not telling you.”

Si Cheng nodded, running his hands through his hair. “Just give me a minute, please,” he said, looking away. 

“Yes, totally, just- hey, I’m here with you, okay?” Yuta walked up to Si Cheng and pulled him into a hug, the latter setting his head on Yuta’s shoulder. “I’ll help you, okay? Don’t feel like you have to deal with it all alone.”

They stood there in silence for a minute, the two just focusing on their embrace with one another. 

Yuta could feel how Si Cheng’s heartbeat was beating at a fast pace, and he couldn’t help but think of all those memories that felt like centuries but weren’t even a year old, back in Seoul when Si Cheng was just a broke, tired dancer with almost everything against him in life. 

He might be here now, safer, but Si Cheng hadn’t changed, Yuta realized; as the older brother, Si Cheng was always going to have his concerns that his brothers could get hurt at any possible moment. He would constantly worry for their safety no matter where they were, still asked for their whereabouts whenever they weren’t home. 

It was awful, hearing Si Cheng have nightmares, hearing his  _ brothers  _ have nightmares. Yuta knows some of the stuff they have been through, having been present sometimes himself, but clearly there was more that had happened in their lives, and it broke his heart knowing that they have been through some god awful stuff that they clearly didn’t deserve. 

“I don’t know if I ever told you,” Si Cheng said slowly, his voice muffled. “But back in the apartment, random people would come pounding at the doors and I don’t know who they are but they were looking for me, and it just- I just never felt safe leaving Chen Le and Renjun alone.” 

Yuta patted Si Cheng’s back. “I’m sorry, Si Cheng, I really am.”

“It’s not your fault, it’s just- I don’t know, maybe we’ll never be safe anywhere,” Si Cheng said in a low voice. “And it’s all I want, I don’t know why it’s too much to ask.”   
  


  
***

  
  


Renjun and Chen Le were both watching television in the family room, though they weren’t really paying attention to the screen. 

The familiar episode of EXO showtime of Chanyeol’s birthday was playing. The part of Kai and Sehun buying mouthwash and other cleaning stuff, a scene they loved poking fun of, but today they just didn’t have the energy to laugh. 

Chen Le had his knees to his chest, arms wrapped around them. “Watching them constantly say ‘We are one’ feels weird knowing that they’ve practically separated now.”

Renjun sighed. “Yeah, it does. If only SM weren’t so shitty.”

They became silent again, continuing to watch the television. Yuta had told them earlier in the morning not to go to school today, to just stay home so that Si Cheng doesn’t worry, so they decided to just be downstairs. 

They weren’t able to sleep alone last night. Renjun had stayed in the loft, trying to stay awake by texting Jaemin to forget about everything, while Chen Le came in later, tugging a blanket behind him, and asked Renjun if he could sleep next to him. 

It was weird, Renjun thought; one minute they were giving each other the silent treatment in the house, with Chen Le being in the basement and Renjun in his room, and the next the two were trying to comfort Si Cheng, who had come home from the store crying for no reason. 

Well, it turned out to be a big reason anyways. 

When Si Cheng explained to Ten what had happened, sobbing the entire time, Renjun and Chen Le had both been surprised and scared, to be honest. Their brother had always been so strong, not wanting to show any signs of weakness to them (though he always said crying wasn’t being weak) and how he just broke down so easily… 

Joosuk had been in his life as long as they could remember. They didn’t have a childhood with their father, a man that Si Cheng had always described as the kindest person you’ll meet. No, Joosuk was responsible for their upbringing and why they moved away from China, why his mother was always sick and hurt from trying to distract Joosuk from her children. 

Si Cheng was the only mother they have really felt that they have had, in Renjun and Chen Le’s opinion.

“I’m sorry,” Renjun said abruptly to Chen Le. “About the other day. I shouldn’t joke about these things.”

Chen Le rested his head on his knees, still looking at the television. “I mean, you were right, though,” he said. “About me being sensitive.”

“No, you’re not sensitive,” Renjun said, trying to take back his words from that day. “Your strong, Chen Le, despite the two of us having gone through some stuff- well, you worse, you still… I don’t know how you manage to…”

Chen Le finally looked at him, frowning. “What are you talking about?”

Renjun sighed. “I guess… I don’t know, you just happen to be more happy and know what you want to do with your life and do stuff while I- I don’t know.”

Chen Le raised an eye before turning his attention back to the television. “I have no idea what you were trying to say,” he said, “but don’t worry about it, it was a stupid reason to argue during lunch anyways, I guess.”

“At least Donghyuck doesn’t speak Mandarin,” Renjun joked, finally earning a smile from his younger brother. “What, you know it’s true.”

“I know, but I swear he knows so much weird history about the Chinese language, it’s so weird,” Chen Le said, laughing. “You can always count on Donghyuck-”

“Renjun? Chen Le?” They both turned around to see their older brother running down the stairs, Yuta behind him. “You guys are okay, right?”

Renjun made the okay sign with his hand. “Just watching maknae line being maknae line,” he said, both him and Chen Le laughing. 

Si Cheng dashed towards the living room, hands on his hip as he glanced from his brothers to the screen. “Okay, at least you guys are safe,” he said. “I was worried.”

Chen Le shook his head. “Nah, we’re fine, we’re the Donghuangzhongs, remember?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what made you guys read this series anyways? I'm just really curious on what you like about this and the first book.  
> I have many plans for this series, but I can't say anything since that would be a spoiler :)


	7. Worries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! sorry for not updating recently, a lot of stuff has been going on in my life like depression and dealing with covid sitituations and a new job and shit, so sorry for not sticking to my schedule! i am trying my best to update all my stories more regularly!

_ If the boys could remember correctly, just a week ago, they thought Yuta was dead.  _

_ And now he was here with them.  _

_ They had seen him for the first time yesterday, when Si Cheng picked them up after school. It had been quite a shock, if they were honest, but Yuta was just the same as last time they had remembered him. Nice, positive, enthusiastic. Even though they should be scared of him because he was a gang leader, it was hard to with his personality.  _

_ That day, when they saw Yuta after more than three months, he had invited them out for sushi, and it didn’t take long for the awkwardness to fade; Yuta cracked jokes as always, he and Si Cheng had their playful banter, and of course everyone bonded over the delicious food, because when do you not do that? _

_ Yuta didn’t leave that day until very late at night, during around eleven or so. Renjun and Chen Le had been watching television as usual, Renjun sneaking a text to Jaemin here and there while Chen Le tried to finish a drawing for one of their new friends that they met, Donghyuck. Just like their usual evenings.  _

_ Usually Si Cheng is with them, but they noticed that Si Cheng went outside to talk to Yuta for some time, maybe twenty minutes or so, and when Si Cheng came back, he was chewing on his bottom lip, arms crossed over his chest.  _

_ Chen Le looked at him, a puzzled expression on his face. “Did Yuta leave already?” he asked, setting his pencil down. “Are you going to see him again soon?” _

_ “Oh, yeah, he- he said he wanted to take me somewhere tomorrow,” Si Cheng said. “He’s not… disappearing like last time, I guess.” _

_ Renjun frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked his older brother.  _

_ Si Cheng shook his head, heading towards the kitchen. “It’s- it’s nothing, I’m fine,” he mumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I’m fine, really.” _

_ They watched as Si Cheng leaned against the counter, deep in thought. He was being really quiet, which to be fair, wasn’t unusual considering his state this past month.  _

_ Renjun, definitely the braver of the two, got up and headed towards their gege. “Is Yuta going to visit us again?” he asked, wanting to make conversation. “I bet he misses you.” _

_ Si Cheng ran his fingers through his hair. “If- if you guys don’t have a problem with it,” he said, still not looking at Renjun.  _

_ “Gege, he can literally live here for all I care, why would we have a problem with it?” Renjun asked. “Why would we not let you see him after seeing how depressed you’ve been these past few weeks?” _

_ Si Cheng’s eyes started welling with tears and Renjun could hear his voice cracking. “It’s just- I just want you to be comfortable,” he said. “And I- I really thought I  _ lost  _ him and I can never afford to lose you guys, and- _

_ “Gege, nothing’s ever going to happen to us,” Renjun said. “We’re here at home, hanging out with our new friends-” _

_ “You know that always wasn’t the case, Renjun,” Chen Le said quietly. _

_ Renjun stared at his younger brother, not believing what he just said. “Chen Le, he’s crying, don’t bring that up,” he scolded him.  _

_ Si Cheng shook his head. “No, nothing’s ever going to happen to you guys,” he said, sniffling. “I’ll make sure of that myself-” _

_ “No, Si Cheng, don’t say that,” Renjun said. “We’re doing fine, promise. Hang out with Yuta all you want, let him live here, I don’t care, as long as he doesn’t disrespect almighty EXO then he should be good-" _

_ Chen Le knew they were having a serious conversation, but he couldn’t help but laugh. “Yuta knows all their Japanese songs by heart, idiot,” he reminded him. “Who do you think taught me the Electric Kiss dance?” _

_ “You know Coming Over was better and you know it,” Renjun said. “OT9, idiot.” _

_ Si Cheng wiped his face with his sleeve, not being able to suppress a grin. “Yuta- he has his own music that he listens to,” he said. “But he’s not an anti, no.” _

_ “See? We’re good then!” Renjun said, opening his arms to give Si Cheng a hug, though since he was shorter, he struggled a bit. Damn his genes. “Don’t worry about it, gege, I know we all worry, but remember everything is going to turn out okay.” _

  
  


***

  
  


A week passed after the Joosuk incident, and as much as Chen Le could say things went back to normal, deep down, he knew it hadn’t. 

It was Saturday, and the school friends had planned to hang out at Mark’s house later, but since Jisung had come early in the morning, they went to a small cafe to have a piece of cake for breakfast.

Chen Le was still not used to visiting restaurants, though he did visit them much more frequently now. He just couldn’t help but think of how much money could have gone on groceries for what you spend on one meal for one person. How much rice could be bought, how much flour, how much vegetables, it was all ingrained in his mind and he didn’t know how to get rid of it. 

Though this cafe was pretty cheap compared to other places, as told to him by Donghyuck, who happened to show them this place. Early on, you can tell that Donghyuck is a big fan of sweets, so it’s no surprise that he knows the best confectioneries in town. From what Chen Le assumed of Donghyuck’s relationship with Mark, the Canadian most certainly has given him every sweet known to man at least once in gifts. 

Chen Le doesn’t have much experience with sweets, since in the past they could barely afford dinner, much less dessert. He does remember how back in the house with Joosuk, Si Cheng had a part time job that he would take him and Renjun with him to the restaurant where he worked since he didn’t trust them to be alone with Joosuk. Obviously if you’re at a restaurant you have to order something, so Si Cheng would always get them a small order of something, like grilled cheese sandwiches or tomato soup. On rare days, if Si Cheng had a little extra to spend, he would get them a chocolate chip cookie sundae. 

They had much more money to spend these days, but Si Cheng was still careful about it, unless it came to them, where he was most lax. They even got spending money now; Si Cheng gave them 20,000 won a week, but sometimes him and Renjun always asked for extra and always got it.

He noticed that Si Cheng rarely bought anything for himself. He  _ had  _ purchased two CDs, the Miracles in December and Overdose albums, but only because he found them on sale in a second hand store for $10 total. If you also include the candy he sometimes indulged, there was also that. 

Surely Si Cheng gets stuff for himself, right? 

“Uh, Chen Le?” Jisung waved his hand in front of Chen Le, who was zoned out. “Hello? Are you okay?”

“What? Oh, JIsung, I- I’m sorry, sorry,” Chen Le muttered, grabbing ahold of the drink he had ordered for himself, a chocolate shake with a fun curly straw in it. “I was just thinking.”

Jisung grabbed one of the scones that he had ordered, blueberry flavor if Chen Le remembered correctly, and handed it to Chen Le. “Did you eat lunch today at school?” he said. “Your sugar is probably low.”

“No, I’m just… tired, but not physically, I don’t know how to describe it,” he said, pushing the scone away from him. “Jisung, you ordered that for you, I’m fine with only a drink, promise.” 

“I don’t mind sharing,” Jisung said, grinning as he placed it on Chen Le’s palm. “I’ve been saving a lot of money and I’m going to buy us so much stuff, heck, I’ll even buy tickets to see BTS at this point!” 

Chen Le rolled his eyes, suppressing a laugh until a realization struck him and he pouted again. “At least your group hasn’t lost any members,” he mumbled, crossing his arms. “ _ And  _ they’re currently active.” 

“Hey, isn’t that old group still have all five members?” Jisung reminded him. “My something, my, uh- myname?” 

“But they’re not  _ active _ ,” Chen Le corrected him. “The maknae just enlisted like a month ago.” 

Jisung’s eyes widened as he slowly looked away from Chen Le and stared at the other scones in front of him. “Well, you have two years to wait for.”

“We’ll have graduated high school by then,” Chen Le added, picking up his chocolate shake to take a sip. It was one of his favorite drinks, he has discovered, but each place did them differently. Was this normal? “I should go back to listening to gege’s chinese playlist, they’re all solo singers anyways,” he said, setting his drink back down. 

“Oh, we should maybe stan a new group together!” Jisung suggested, taking out his phone. “Definitely a small group that just debuted and give them a chance, here, let me search up- oh, I’ll just send you a list tonight,” he trailed off, scrolling through his phone. 

As Jisung searched for stuff on his phone, Chen Le looked around the cafe, staring at the inhabitants eating peacefully, chatting with one another. He wondered how everyone’s lives were in the cafe, and why his had to be so different. 

***   
  


Renjun and Chen Le went to Mark’s house later in the day, leaving Si Cheng alone in the house. 

Since the boys were going to be having dinner at his place, Si Cheng didn’t need to make any, planning on making himself a bowl of rice for later, so he didn’t really have anything to do. 

He sat in front of the television, knees pulled up to his chest on the couch as he grabbed the remote and turned it on. Might as well watch EXO showtime again. 

When he was at the part where they were eating fried chicken and Sehun was cheating, he heard a sudden knock on the door. 

He froze, wondering who it could be. Usually Ten messaged him if he was coming, and Yuta, Chen Le and Renjun all had keys. Was it one of Yuta’s friends? But Yuta wasn’t even home right now....

Si Cheng stayed on the couch, not daring himself to move, until he heard the knock on the door again, followed by Yuta shouting that his ice cream was melting. 

He got up from the sofa and opened the door quickly, revealing Yuta on the steps, cradling a bag in his hands. “I forgot my keys,” Yuta explained, opening the plastic bag which contained a small bucket of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. “Jaehyun was sick and didn’t show up and I was still craving ice cream so I bought some.”

Si Cheng opened the door wider, letting Yuta come in. “Sorry I took so long,” he mumbled, watching Yuta come into the house. “I didn’t know who it was.”

Yuta sprinted towards the kitchen to put the ice cream away. “No worries my love!” he shouted, opening the freezer in a frenzy. “It’s my fault, I forgot to charge my phone in the morning.”

As Yuta put his ice cream away, Si Cheng closed the door and slowly headed back towards the couch. Yuta was still chattering, about the ice cream and of Jaehyun being a dumbass drinking expired milk, but Si Cheng stayed quiet, hugging his knees close to him. 

Yuta came out of the kitchen, a bag of Lay’s in his hands. “I’m going to wait for the ice cream to refreeze again,” he said, sitting down next to Si Cheng. “This is what I get for getting stuck in traffic, it’s not my fault that stupid car didn’t put on his turn signals…” he trailed off when he saw Si Cheng’s stoic face. “Uh, Si Cheng?”

Si Cheng glanced at him. “What?”

Yuta held the bag of chips towards Si Cheng. “You just look serious,” he said. “You can talk about it if you want,  _ or  _ you can stuff your face with chips.”

The bag of chips did not look in any way appetizing, but Si Cheng didn’t want to reject the offer, so he took out one measly piece. “It’s just I heard sudden knocking and I thought it was someone else,” he said quietly, taking a small bite off the chip. 

He focused on eating it when he felt an arm wrapped around his shoulders, looking beside him to see Yuta holding him. 

“I’m sorry,” Yuta said. “I- I forgot, Si Cheng, honestly, I was just focused on bringing the ice cream home and I didn’t realize I didn’t take my keys- hey, don’t cry, hey-”

A tear fell down Si Cheng’s face as he shut his eyes, trying to breath. “They weren’t supposed to have followed us,” he cried out. “They weren’t supposed to. Joosuk wasn’t supposed to have found us again, why now? Why after seven years, Yuta?”

Yuta hugged Si Cheng, holding him as the latter started sobbing, clutching onto Yuta’s shirt, and they stayed there as a while, ice cream and potato chips long forgotten. 

  
  


***

  
  


“Man, why do you live so far away?” Mark complained, throwing a fry at Jisung. “If only you went to school with us.” 

The fry landed on Jisung’s shorts, so he picked it up and took a bite, ignoring Renjun’s disgusted face. “You act like I can change o- I mean, like, where I live,” Jisung said. “I’m still a minor.”

Donghyuck rolled his eyes, taking Mark’s plate of fries and setting it on his own lap. “Just lie to the Korean government, it shouldn’t be  _ that  _ hard,” Donghyuck said, reaching into his pocket. “Like this! Look, I got a fake ID!”

Everyone in the room (except Mark, of course) widened their eyes seeing the falsified document. Where in the world did Donghyuck get a fake ID?

“Isn’t that like fraud or something?” Jeno asked, pointing at the card. You can tell it was fake only because Donghyuck looked good in the photo; everyone knows you’re supposed to look like shit. “Are you going to jail?”

“It’s to buy alcohol, Jeno, I’m not going to jail,” Donghyuck clarified, rolling his eyes. “Why else?”

“Wait, you drink  _ alcohol _ ?!” Jisung shrieked. “What?!?”

“NO, idiot!! My baking recipes need coconut liquor so I need to buy it myself!” Donghyuck yelled at him. “That cake I gave you earlier? IT HAD LIQUOR!!”

Chen Le grabbed an apple slice (which the whole group was ignoring). “Fucking hate alcoholics,” he muttered to himself in Mandarin, munching on the apple slice.

“Don’t speak Mandarin,” Renjun shushed at him. “Don’t speak it for now.”

“No one here speaks it, though,” Chen Le pointed out. “No one’s going to know-”

Renjun made sure that Jeno wasn’t paying attention to them, which thankfully he wasn’t; he was now witnessing Jisung having a semi-mental breakdown about drinking alcohol and Donghyuck saying it was an ingredient and it doesn’t count; when he eats food cooked with vinegar it doesn’t mean he drank it, after all. “Someone here knows,” he said. “Trust me, Chen Le.”

Chen Le shrugged but didn’t say anything else about the issue, grabbing the plate of apple slices for himself since clearly no one was going to eat it; he can only count on one hand the amount of times he has eaten fries for the first sixteen years of his life. “Donghyuck, at least you can count on Mark in a year or two when he turns of age-”

“I’m not going to put off baking because Mark wanted to be born in a different time period,” he said, eating a fry that he stole from Mark while the latter gave him a confused look. “What?”

“How am I supposed to choose when I was born?!” Mark pointed out.

When the couple arguing, Renjun felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He thought it could be Jaemin, but wasn’t surprised when he turned it on to reveal two notifications from his older brother. 

The messages read  _ Renjun, is everything going okay?  _ And  _ You and Chen Le are at Mark’s right? _ , and Renjun could see how Si Cheng was typing up a third message. 

He sent out a quick reply to him before the other could start spamming; Si Cheng usually gave them ten minutes or so to answer, understanding that they could lose track of time or something, but it was a habit of his to start rambling and Renjun didn’t want to worry him.  _ Yeah, we’re eating snacks and Donghyuck is talking about random stuff again _ , he said, sending it. 

“Jaemin?  _ Again _ ?” Donghyuck said. “Renjun, you should just start bringing him here- Jeno, tell Renjun to start bringing Jaemin with him instead-”

“Uh, I’ve never met Jaemin,” Jeno said, shaking his head. “I don’t think it’s wise-”

“I’m not texting Jaemin, idiot, I’m texting my brother,” Renjun scoffed at him, reading Si Cheng’s new text which read  _ oh okay, I’m glad you guys are having fun _ . “He worries a lot.”

“Ah, come on, you guys are teenagers, he doesn’t have to text you like every five minutes or something,” Donghyuck said, grabbing a handful of fries to shove in his mouth. “It’s not like we’re drinking-”

“You literally just said you purchase alcohol,” Jisung reminded him. 

“FOR BAKING, IDIOT-”

“Five minutes of not paying attention can ruin someone’s life,” Renjun said seriously, sending another message to his older brother. “And he worries, Donghyuck, no one can change that.”

Donghyuck wanted to say something but Mark shut him up. “Donghyuck, you know family is like that,” he said. “Remember when my mom called me at 2 am because her phone sent her a notification that I was moving when I literally walked up to go to the bathroom?”

“See, this is what you get for drinking too much sprite,” Donghyuck said, shaking his head. “You need to drink more water-”

“You can pry my chocolate milk out of my cold, dead hands,” Mark said. 

“Let’s not talk about death,” Jisung said, trying to change the topic. Personally, he loved making death jokes, but he knew how Chen Le felt about it, and he didn’t want the others to notice any awkwardness. “Mark, if you really hate me for living far away, just tell your parents to adopt me or some shit.”

“Yo, that would be so cool, me and Jisung brothers!” Mark exclaimed. “But since I’m older, I would be the older brother, so now you have to listen to me-”

Renjun sent another message to Si Cheng.  _ We are, I’ll let you know if anything ever happens to us _ , he texted, reminding himself to always keep that promise. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STREAM TURN BACK TIME, MY DONG SI CHENG I LOVE YOU   
> happy bday mark lee!! poor doyoung with cake lol


	8. Hanging Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im working on updating my stories quicker, there's still a lot of stuff going on, but i thankfully was able to finish this
> 
> small trigger warning: mentions of past events and (SPOILER) some violence

On Monday, while his two younger brothers were in school, Si Cheng found himself in front of Taeyong’s place with Ten, knocking on the door. 

He had a week off from work since his boss went on another overseas trip, so he didn’t really had anything to do for now, thus when Ten asked him if he wanted to see their friend together, Si Cheng said yes.

“I’m really wondering how Taeyong’s Vietnamese will go,” Ten told Si Cheng. “Back in university, he was really good in his Japanese classes even though he had no knowledge of it before. I wonder if it’ll be the same.”

Si Cheng nodded. “Taeyong will find a way to communicate with Linh,” he said, thinking of the girl Taeyong was now taking care of. “I just hope he doesn’t get too stressed-”

The door opened, revealing Taeyong. He still looked like he was half-asleep, considering how his hair wasn’t even fixed and he was still in pajamas. “Hey,” he mumbled. 

Ten grinned. “My TY,” he said. “Good to see you as always.”

“I know, I look like a fucking piece of shit like always,” Taeyong muttered,” opening the door wider and heading back inside the house. “I know.”

Si Cheng and Ten both followed him inside, frowning at his comment. “Taeyong, you look… fine,” Si Cheng said. “You just look tired, and, well, it  _ is  _ morning.”

“Yeah, Taeyong, mornings are always going to suck ass,” Ten said, trying to cheer Taeyong up. “Just because you look worn out - and that happens to everyone - that doesn’t mean you look awful- hey, remember that sleep class you took in uni? You know, all about sleep and whatever the fuck it does to your kidneys and whatever.”

“It doesn’t really have anything to do with the kidneys,” Si Cheng corrected him.

Taeyong crossed his arms and stared at the floor, leaning against the hallway wall. “You know sleep is not important right now,” he said, shrugging. “There’s other stuff I  _ really  _ need to do.”

Ten stared at Taeyong, trying to find the right words to say. He already knew Taeyong’s worries and triggers and did not want to upset his old friend. “Well. maybe we can go get iced coffee or something,” he suggested, remembering what a big coffee slut Taeyong had been in the past. “Large vanilla mocha mix?”   
  


Taeyong shook his head. “No, it’s fine, it’s too much,” he said, heading towards the kitchen. “I’ll make you guys something to eat, I know I should of had it ready-”   
  


“No, don’t worry, we can all make something together, it’ll be fun!” Ten said cheerfully. “Si Cheng has been learning to make American pancakes by scratch, and they are  _ literally  _ the best.”

“It’s just a recipe I saw online, it’s not that big of a deal,” Si Cheng said, shrugging. “I’m not really good at cooking, you know that.”

Ten glanced between Si Cheng and Taeyong. “You guys talk shit about yourselves all the time,” he said finally. “You guys need to change that.”

“I don’t- I don’t do that,” Si Cheng tried to deny him, while Taeyong remained silent. 

“No, you do, too,” Ten pointed out. “And I know no one wants to bring it up, so I will: I know we are having trouble adjusting, okay?” He paused. “We’ll get through it, okay?”

Si Cheng and Taeyong looked down on the floor, neither of them saying a word. 

Ten sighed. “Oh jeez, how about this: the three of us do something fun this Friday.” 

Immediately, Si Cheng and Taeyong widened their eyes in confusion. 

“You know? Boys night out?” Ten added. “Taeyong, you remember our fun nights in uni, right?”

Taeyong played with his fingers, refusing to look at Ten in the eye. “Those were always at… you know…”

Oh, right. Clubs. Ten and Taeyong had been  _ big  _ partygoers back in the day. “I don’t know about you, but honestly, I’ve had enough of clubs for a lifetime,” he said. “I was thinking more of a movie, food and karaoke.”

“... oh, like in the movies!” Si Cheng exclaimed, finally understanding what Ten meant. “But in the morning? That’s when the boys are in school.”

“Yeah, I have to take care of Ayaka and Linh,” Taeyong reminded Ten. 

Mornings were a pretty boring time to go to the movies, in Ten’s opinion, but he already knew Si Cheng and Taeyong; there was  _ no  _ way you could persuade them that their brothers and daughters were going to be fine for a few hours without them in the house. “Yeah, we can do the morning- no, at  _ least  _ after 11,” Ten said. “I still want to sleep in a bit- actually, speaking of sleep, we should all just take a nap,” he suggested. 

Taeyong shook his head. “No, I’m fine, re-” he paused to yawn. 

Ten squinted his eyes at him. “Do you have syrup and cream?” he asked him. “I’m going to make you that iced coffee.”   
  


***

“Yo, I don’t remember the last time I had some good ass funnel cake,” Yuta said, taking another bite of the dessert. “Oh my fucking god-”

Jaehyun didn’t say anything, shoveling another bite of his own portion. “Can’t wait to die of heart disease,” he said, mouth half full. 

Since Jaehyun was an idiot a few days ago for drinking expired milk, they did not end up hanging out with each other that Saturday, so they had to reschedule. Jaehyun was being weary of any dairy products in the meantime, so they decided to order funnel cake at one of those stands in the streets. There was some type of festival going on that Yuta had no idea what is was about, but he had to admit, the food here was good. 

They finished the funnel cake pretty quickly, the two sitting in silence for a few seconds to let the food settle. 

“If only I could cook or bake,” Jaehyun said, trying to scoop up any remaining sugar with his fork. “But no! I can’t do shit.”

“Your cooking is- well, passable,” Yuta said. Jaehyun was really bad at seasoning food. “Remind me before we leave for me to buy more funnel cake.”

“You’re going to eat  _ more? _ ” Jaehyun asked, eyes widening. “I mean, I know that was good, but honestly, I am so satisfied I don’t have to eat for a few days now.”

Yuta rolled his eyes, though he did feel the same way. “No, bitch, I’m buying some for Si Cheng and his brothers, I don’t think they’ve ever tried it before.”

Jaehyun stacked their two plastic plates together. “Do you think Taeyong has tried funnel cake?” he asked in a quiet voice.

“Um… maybe when he was in university?” Yuta said. “I’m sure he’ll like some, though,” he added. 

Yuta didn’t know much about Taeyong and his life, only bits and pieces there. He was friends with Ten back in university, and apparently Taeyong married some dude who he thought was the one only for him to lock him away in his penthouse and become  _ extremely  _ abusive. 

When Yuta came back after a couple months, he was surprised to find Si Cheng friends with Taeyong. Sure, from Jaehyun, he knew that the latter had taken Taeyong and his daughter with him to help them escape, but it was interesting to see how their relationship developed. 

There was the fact that he could tell Jaehyun had feelings for Taeyong, but for obvious reasons like the latter just having gotten out of an abusive relationship, he wasn’t going to do anything about it. 

“I’ll buy him some,” Jaehyun suggested, standing up with the plastic plates. “I’m going to go throw this away, I’ll be right back.”

“Oh, get me a cherry coke, please?” Yuta asked, batted his eyelashes. “All I had this morning was some tea.”

“‘Kay.” And with that, Jaehyun left.

Yuta rested his chin on his hand, looking at all the people on the street. He was near the sidelines, where some tables were, but it was really crowded here wherever he looked. 

Bored, he took out his phone to be on it for a few minutes. His sister was at work back in Japan, and Si Cheng had told him earlier that he and Ten were going to be at Taeyong’s house for a few hours, so he couldn’t talk to them. 

He went on his email, refreshing it every ten seconds, and when he didn’t find anything for two minutes, he went on eBay to find some weird ass shit. He would have gotten on Amazon, but fuck Jeff Bezos. 

Instantly, the ads and featured items made his eyes bleed, but there was a pillow being recommended to him that did look oddly comforting. Maybe he’ll have to buy it-

Yuta forced himself not to make any impulse purchases, no matter how comforting that pillow looked. 

There  _ were  _ some EXO albums being recommended to him. Yuta had put on alerts for the group’s items, knowing how much the brothers loved them. There was one song in Chinese that Si Cheng always sung, one with a beautiful piano intro, and oh, how Yuta could hear the latter sing it for  _ days _ .

Si Cheng’s birthday was not for a couple of weeks anyways, literally two days after Yuta’s in October. Yuta had no idea what type of present Si Cheng would like, nor if the latter would even celebrate it this year. 

He remembers when Si Cheng told him when his birthday was, back on that night when they first made love. The last time Si Cheng had celebrated it had been when his mother was still alive, and his brothers didn’t even know the date, since Si Cheng refused to tell them. Would Si Cheng be opened to celebrate it this year?

Frustrated, Yuta turned off his phone, looking around to find out why the fuck was Jaehyun taking too long to throw away the trash. The line for sodas and drinks was pretty short, anyways, it’s not like he could have been in a pretty long line. 

Jaehyun was probably on the phone with someone and forgot about him, so Yuta tracked down Jaehyun’s location on his phone and searched for him, wondering where his friend had gone. 

The gps was taking him to an abandoned storefront towards the end of the road with boarded up windows, where there weren’t that many people present compared to the where those milling around for the festival was located at. 

The store  _ looked  _ abandoned, but Yuta had a strong feeling of what was going on, and it taking a lot of energy for him not to panic. 

He turned the doorknob, cursing under his breath for it being closed. Of course, who wouldn’t close it. 

Making sure no one around was looking, Yuta took out his wallet, grabbing his credit card in order to pick the doorknob lock. He had been really thankful to have learned this trick as a teen when he wanted to burst into the bathroom while Daichi was showering to annoy him. God, how he’d give anything to have those moments back. 

Yuta managed to get the door open successfully, so he entered the store quickly and shut the door behind him, not surprised to find the light on. 

There, in the center of the room, were three men surrounding a body on the floor, the person struggling to get up. 

“We know you have it, Yoonoh,” one of the men said, kicking the person on the floor again. “We’re not going to give you a second chance-”

At the mention of Yoonoh, Yuta took out his hidden gun and, at the count of three, shot each one at the back of their leg. 

The three men fell to the ground howling, clutching their injured legs as Yuta rushed to Jaehyun, helping him get up. 

“You okay?” Yuta asked him, holding onto a struggling Jaehyun as he kept his gun aimed at one of the men. “I’m going to spare your lives, you fucking bastards,” he said. “But keep my friend out of this."

One of the men, who appeared to be the ringleader, spat out some spit. Yuta always thought that gesture was dramatic. “Well, if it isn’t Yuta,” he said. “I thought you were dead.”

“My death was vastly exaggerated,” Yuta said, aiming at the guy’s head. “But I managed to kill Insung’s group, so I don’t care if it’s still believed or not.”

He shot the guy in the head, the other two as well, and he helped Jaehyun get back to his home safely.

  
  


***

When school ended and Renjun put his books away, he found Chen Le at his own locker, putting stuff away. He was wearing earbuds, murmuring a few words under his breath, so he didn’t notice Renjun come up to him.

After school, Donghyuck wanted them to go out to eat at yet  _ another  _ sweet shop store that he discovered the other day on a date with Mark and was craving chocolate truffles, so they agreed to meet at the front of the school’s doorsteps in a few. Since Mark was the oldest and had his driver’s license, he was able to drive them there. Renjun wanted to walk over to the front of the school with his brother to wait for the other two, but he didn’t know if Chen Le forgot today’s plans or not.

He knew better than to scare him, so he waved his hand in front of him to get his attention. “Chen Le? Yello?”

Chen Le looked up, frowning. He took out one of his earbuds. “What?” he said, placing his last textbook in the locker. 

“Someone’s aggressive,” Renjun muttered. “What are you listening to, anyways? I never see you with earbuds in school?”

Chen Le shrugged. “You wouldn’t know them,” he said, putting his earbud back in. 

Renjun took it out again. “Hey, hey, hey, why are you so mad? What happened, do I need to beat up someone?”

Earlier during lunch, Chen Le had looked fine, in Renjun’s opinion; when Donghyuck was shouting about important distinctions between Hebrew and Yiddish, Chen Le had been curious (as he always is during one of Donghyuck’s language rants). Plus, Chen Le had been texting Jisung as always, and Renjun was pretty sure that Jisung was supposed to come over today-

Wait. 

“Did Jisung cancel your plans today?” he asked Chen Le, wondering if that was the reason for the latter’s disappointment. “We can do something together if you want, I have  _ yet  _ to see that Knowing Brothers episode with EXO-”

“Jisung is coming over,” Chen Le said firmly, lifting his backpack up higher. “Why would he cancel?”

Renjun squinted his eyes at Chen Le. “You still haven’t answer my question about why you’re mad-”

“Hyung, just drop it, please, it’s not that serious,” Chen Le said, grabbing his earbud. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Wow, Chen Le must  _ really  _ be annoyed if he was using hyung instead of er ge. It would be best not to pry him, then. 

Renjun tried to change the topic, wanting Chen Le to get out of his funk. “What were you listening to, anyways?” he asked Chen Le. “Did you stalk Si Cheng’s Chinese playlist again?"

Chen Le frowned. “No, it’s not in Chinese,” he said, taking out his phone. “You wouldn’t know them.”

“So it’s not EXO nor Myname,” Renjun said. “What is it, Kpop?”

Chen Le turned on his phone and showed Renjun the screen, where he could see the name of the song playing. “Jisung told me he wanted to find us a nugu group to listen to together,” he said. “He thought this group was good, Target, they have a couple of Korean releases.”

“Well, you  _ were  _ right, I’ve never heard of them,” Renjun said. “Is It True sounds like a sad name for a song.”

“It’s pretty sad,” Chen Le agreed, putting his phone away. “The song is about them thinking a girl is about to break up with them. It was their first comeback, if I remember what Jisung told me.”

Renjun nodded, taking out his own phone. “Isn’t Target like a franchise or something-”

“Of fucking course you had to go there.” Chen Le slammed his locker shut, giving Renjun a glare before turning around. “I’m not surprised-”

“Damn, didi, where is this coming from?” Renjun said, raising his voice as Chen Le was walking away. “Forgive me for not fucking knowing English!

“Well, if you don’t know, then just stop criticizing!” Chen Le screamed back at him, turning around to look at Renjun. “You always criticize everything, it’s so annoying! I can’t enjoy one thing in life without you poking fun on it! I get criticized for everything, I just want people to stop, okay?!”

At this point, people were looking; they were still in the school hallway, after all. The brothers tried their hardest at all times not to draw attention to themselves in school, both in their old high school and this one, and yet they were paying no attention to that. 

“What- I don’t criticize you!” Renjun shouted back at him. “No one criticizes you Chen Le, really!”

“It feels that way, okay?!” Chen Le turned around again, putting his earbud in his ear. 

“Didi, come back here-” Renjun chased after Chen Le, catching up to him, only for his younger brother to put his hoodie up, stuffing his hands in his pockets where Renjun was sure he was turning up the volume of his music to ignore him. 

At that moment, Renjun could feel his own phone vibrate in his pocket, signifying an incoming call, probably Jaemin. He did not have the energy to talk to his boyfriend, so he took it out to silence it, only to read Si Cheng’s name on the display screen. 

“Chen Le, stop walking, Si Cheng’s calling,” Renjun said, pulling Chen Le’s arm back. The latter was glaring at him, already writhing his arm away when he saw Renjun answer the call and stopped. “Hello, gege?”

“You’re at school with your brother, right?” Si Cheng said, straight to the point. “You haven’t left or anything?”

Oh, fuck, Renjun forgot that they were going with Mark and Donghyuck. “No, not yet, but me and Chen Le are heading to leave soon-”

“Please don’t,” Si Cheng pleaded with them. “Whatever you guys wanted, I’ll buy it, just let me pick you guys up and take you home.”

_ Now  _ Renjun was the one frowning. Si Cheng never really had his panic attacks while they were at school. “Si Cheng, it’s just me and Chen Le here, we’re going out with Mark and Donghyuck, remember?” he reminded his older brother. 

Renjun could hear Si Cheng hesitating on the other side of the phone. “I know, I just really need you home right now,” Si Cheng finally said. 

“Si Cheng, you can’t ask us to go home every time your brain wanders and you think we’re not safe,” Renjun snapped. 

Chen Le, who couldn’t hear Si Cheng’s side of the argument and only Renjun, raised his eyes in surprise, wondering what was going on. “Er ge, what’s going on-”

“Renjun, please not now,” Si Cheng said. “Something happened, okay, I just want you guys here while- while things get figured out.”

…. Oh no.

Renjun could feel how hard it was getting to carry his phone. “You didn’t see Joosuk again, right?” he whispered in fear.

He could see how Chen Le froze out of the corner of his eye as soon as he said that, and he was mentally praying that his suspicions weren’t true. 

“No, no, it’s not Joosuk- well- no, I’m sure it’s not Joosuk’s doing,” Si Cheng said. “It’s just- I’ll tell you when you get home,” he said. 

Renjun sighed. He was thankful that Joosuk wasn’t involved, but he couldn’t help but wonder what happened. “I’ll ask Mark and Haechan to take us home,” he said finally. The last thing Renjun needed was to get into a fight with yet  _ another  _ brother of his. “They can do the uBer whatever eat thing for all I care.”

“Thanks, Renjun, really, I’ll make you guys your favorite pasta dish for when you get home,” Si Cheng started rambling. 

“Okay, gege, we’ll see you soon,” Renjun said. “Bye, I love you.”

He hung up, looking up to see Chen Le who was very pale. “It’s not Joosuk,” Renjun said. “He wouldn’t tell me, but that’s all I know.”

Chen Le wiped his face with his sleeve. “Yeah, yeah, okay,” he mumbled. “I just hope he’s okay.”  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so confused about ncts japanese release why is there 23 versions
> 
> EDITORS NOTE: I accidentally said winwin's bday was 2 days before instead of after yuta's, my bad im stupid, i changed it already


	9. Fights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know im on hiatus, i am really sorry, theres a lot of stuff gooing on in my life rn
> 
> tw// mention of past rape jokes (not made by them fyi)

“How are the two little ones?” Yuta was talking to his sister on the phone. “Tell me you’ve been giving Hiroshi his daily cookies like you promised.”

“Yuta, you know I don’t break a promise,” Jitsuko said right back. “Though it’s the only dessert he and Ryota get, they can’t eat a lot of sugar.”

Yuta looked back at the living room with the television, where Chen Le and Renjun were watching it in silence after having come back from school earlier. Taeyong’s two daughters, Ayaka and Linh, were watching as well, though they didn’t know Korean that much, assuming the two brothers put EXO Showtime again. 

Well, not the actual living room, the family room or whatever the fuck it was called. He didn’t know the difference, he called everything a living room. What the hell is a sunroom for anyways?

Anyways, in the other living room in the house, the small space that was covered in photographs on the wall, his friend Jaehyun was there with Taeyong and Si Cheng. Those two have been worried, and as much as Yuta wanted to dismiss their concerns, deep down, he was terrified, too. 

“I should probably stop eating sugar myself, lol,” Yuta said, faking a smile even though his sister couldn’t see him. “Take care of myself, at least, it’s not like I can take care of others.”

He didn’t hear his sister say anything for a few seconds, so while he was wondering if their connection got cut off at her end or something, she finally spoke up. “What happened, oniichan?”

“Nothing,” Yuta said too quickly. “Nothing, why are you asking?”

“Yuta, please tell me,” she asked him. “You always keep me in the dark about everything.”

Yuta shook his head out of reflex. “I don’t keep you in the dark,” he said. “You know I’m honest with you, and the truth is that everything is fine.”   
  


Jitsuko took a few seconds again to respond. “Okay,” she said, only to be interrupted by what Yuta assumed to be Hiroshi screaming in the background about Ryota stealing his jacket. “I’ll call you later then, when you’re feeling better.”

“I’m sorry,” Yuta said. “I- I just have a lot going on, please take care of yourself, Jitsuko, I’ll tell Shotaro to keep an eye on you.”

“Okay, oniichan, bye, I love you.”

“Bye, Jitsuko, I love you too.”

And they hung up after that.

Yuta pinched the bridge of his nose, forcing himself to calm down. The fact that his sister still ended on a positive note with him despite him clearly not deserving it was just making him feel more guilty, although it  _ was  _ one of their rules; when saying goodbye to the other sibling, you are  _ never  _ to still be in a bad mood with one another. You never know if it’s the last time you see them alive, after all. 

He had no idea what the fuck he was going to do. 

What happened to the carefree life they’ve been living these past few months? Why did it have to end? After all these years, didn’t he deserve to just live in peace? 

“Yuta?” he turned around to see Si Cheng standing behind him, arms crossed in front of him. “Is everything okay?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, I’m fine,” Yuta said, taking his hands off his face. “I- Jitsuko was just calling, asking how we’ve been, you know, the usual.”

Si Cheng nodded. She had called Yuta during the middle of the conversation, and Yuta being the brother he was, answered her call immediately, making sure she was all right; who knew after the stunt with Jaehyun. “Yeah, that’s good,” Si Cheng said. “At least she’s okay.”

“Yeah, she’s doing good,” Yuta repeated, sighing. “... for now.”

Si Cheng frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Yuta looked away, watching Chen Le and Renjun continue to watch their show. Their friends had dropped them off, and one look at Jaehyun wrapped in bandages and covered in bruises had the brothers tell them that they had stuff to do. Renjun and Chen Le didn’t appear to be on speaking terms with each other, either; something must have happened in school.

“I think…” Yuta trailed off, still refusing to look at Si cheng. “I don’t know, I’m just worried, I don’t want anything to happen to her and I- I don’t know what to expect,” he rambled.

“Yeah, I-“ Si Cheng paused, watching his brothers as well. “I know what you mean.”

The two watched Chen Le and Renjun in silence, the two younger brothers unaware of the adult’s attention on them. 

They were, like Yuta’s predictions, not speaking to each other at the moment. They haven’t been seen talking to each other not even  _ once  _ since their friends dropped them off from school, and Yuta could tell Si Cheng was already getting worried. 

“Si Cheng, I’m sure they’re fine,” Yuta tried to reassure him. “They’re probably just- maybe they’re just worried like you about this whole situation.”

“But- no, I think something happened between them,” Si Cheng whispered, not wanting Renjun and Chen Le to hear them. “If it’s that, they would whisper to each other, but they’re not talking at  _ all. _ ”

Yuta placed a hand over Si Cheng’s shoulder, rubbing it in circles, not saying anything after that. 

As much as he wanted to calm down Si Cheng, Yuta knew he wouldn’t be able to. Si Cheng was, after all,  _ their  _ brother - he knew how they acted, and Si Cheng was going to get worried over the slightest thing. 

Although Yuta had to admit, there  _ was  _ something going on between the two, but the last thing he was going to do was voice his concerns to Si Cheng, especially after the situation they had just found themselves in. 

They  _ knew  _ about Yoonoh, Jaehyun’s old name that he used to go buy, way before this whole mafia business. No one knew about it, except for those in the gang and his dead family

So how did  _ those  _ people find out about it?

“Renjun, Chen Le, do you guys want to eat something?” Si Cheng asked the two, taking Yuta’s hand off him, giving him a gentle squeeze before walking towards his brothers. “You guys haven’t eaten anything-”

Chen Le got off from the floor, grabbing his backpack that he had beside him. “I’m not hungry,” he said. “I’m going to my room.”

“He’s in a mood, gege, don’t worry about him,” Renjun said in Mandarin. “He was like that before we came home from school-”

“You know, Renjun-hyung, if you’re going to be talking shit about me like you always do, wait until I’m fucking gone or some shit,” Chen Le said in Mandarin as well, slinging his backpack on his back. “But you do you."

“I’m not talking shit, Chen Le, is it true or is it not that you were like this earlier?” Renjun said, raising his voice at him. “You know how fucking worried he gets-”

Since they were speaking in Chinese, no one else except for Si Cheng could understand their conversation, so everyone was a bit surprised at their sudden yelling. 

Any other time, Si Cheng would have said something about their foul language, but knew that wasn’t important right now. “Don’t speak to each other like that,” he warned them. “You guys shouldn’t be rude to each other-”

“Tell that to Renjun,” Chen Le said, turning around to leave. “Leave me alone-”

“Okay, coward,” Renjun said, sneering at him. “Forgive me to trying to make you feel better when I saw your face today-”

“I told you to  _ drop  _ it and you wouldn’t listen!!” Chen Le yelled at Renjun. “Tell me how that was supposed to make me feel better!!”

“I was just fucking concerned, okay?!” Renjun yelled as well. “What the  _ fuck  _ am I supposed to do with I see my younger brother like that-”

“I said  _ stop  _ yelling at each other,” Si Cheng said, stepping in front of them. “What did you guys do-”

Yuta, who had no idea what the brothers were all yelling at each other, stood behind Si Cheng. “Si Cheng, what’s wrong-”

“I mean, I don’t know Renjun, respect my fucking boundaries??” Chen Le screamed, walking away. “Is that not what you guys always tell me? Or is that bullshit too-”

“Zhong Chen Le and Huang Renjun-” Si Cheng said, ready to scold them.

Renjun reached forward to grab Chen Le’s wrist. “You really don’t fucking get it, do you-”

“Let  _ go  _ of me!!” Chen Le said, shoving Renjun’s hand away, the latter not budging. “GO-”

“I said to stop it, both of you!!” Si Cheng shouted. “Stop! Just- just calm down-”

With Chen Le resisting and Renjun continuing to budge, unfortunately, it led to the two to soon start hitting each and shoving. 

“STOP-”

“No,  _ you  _ stop-”

“No, YOU-”

Si Cheng grabbed both of their wrists and yanked them away from each other, the two struggling. “I said to calm down,” he said in a low voice.

“Tell  _ him  _ to stop being so fucking dramatic when I’m trying to help!” Renjun said, trying to hit Chen Le with his other arm. “He doesn’t fucking  _ listen _ -”

“You’re not the one listening!” Chen Le shouted, tears streaming down his face. “You! You never listen to  _ anything  _ that we tell you! One thing doesn’t go your way and you get offended thinking the world is out to get you!”

Yuta grabbed Chen Le and pulled him away as Si Cheng held Renjun close to him, the two younger brothers still trying to hit each other. “Stop,” Si Cheng said. 

“No,  _ he- _ ”

“I said to  _ fucking  _ stop!” Si Cheng yelled. “Stop it! I don’t give a  _ fuck _ who started, I don’t  _ ever  _ want to see you guys call each other names and hit each other! I don’t care what caused it, that is  _ never  _ allowed EVER in this goddamn household, now tell me what happened!”

Chen Le fell on his knees, eyes closed as he silently cried. “I’m sorry, da ge.”

Renjun stopped fighting against Si Cheng’s hold on him as well. “I- I’m sorry, Si Cheng,” he muttered, looking away from his brother’s gaze.

No one said anything for the next few seconds, the only sound coming from the two younger brothers sniffling.

“I am going to ask you guys again,” Si Chang said calmly. “What happened at school today?”

More silence passed again, so Renjun just wiped his face. “I just didn’t want him to be sad,” he said. “I hate Chen Le being sad and I- I just- I got annoyed with him getting mad about a joke of some dumb kpop group and it just escalated I guess.”

“Renjun, I’m- I’m sorry, I wasn’t mad at you, I promise, I-” Chen Le started to bawl, covering his eyes with his hands. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, er ge! I’m-”

“I didn’t mean to hit you, Chen Le, I promise, I- I’m sorry-” Renjun voice cracked as he shut his eyes and stared up at the ceiling, ignoring the tears that were dropping down his face. 

Si Cheng wrapped his arms tighter around Renjun’s waist, rocking him back and forth gently as he ruffled his hair. “You guys can go to your room, okay?” he said. “Take a rest, I’ll bring you dinner later.”

***

At 2 am, like usual, Si Cheng was wide awake, staring at the ceiling. 

He sat up on the bed, bringing his knees closer to his chest as today’s events went through his head over and over again, rehearing Yuta’s call on how Jaehyun got injured, rewatching the fight that his brothers had-

Out of habit, he reached up to grab his mother’s necklace around his neck, panicking for a split second when he couldn’t feel it, only to remember that Yuta was wearing it now, while Si Cheng himself had the bracelet that had belonged to Yuta’s deceased brother. 

Si Cheng stared at the bracelet around his wrist. He rarely wore it, if he were honest, too scared to lose it on accident knowing how much it meant to Yuta. Most of the time, he had it on the little altar in the living room, the one that had photos all over the walls. 

He looked over to see Yuta, his back turned towards him, asleep. The blanket was up his bare chest, and despite the darkness of the room, Si Cheng could see the shiny necklace wrapped around Yuta’s neck. 

Si Cheng reached out slowly to touch it for a few seconds, remembering the sensation of the cool metal before pulling his arm back to touch the bracelet on his wrist again. 

“You okay?” 

Si Cheng whipped his head around again, eyes widening. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Yuta turned around in bed, facing Si Cheng now, hands underneath his pillow. “I haven’t slept at all tonight, if I’m being honest,” he said, shrugging. “Don’t think I will.”

“Yeah, I can- I can relate, yes,” Si Cheng trailed off. “I thought I woke you up, you looked like you were sleeping.”

“No, I wasn’t, I just figured you wanted to be alone,” Yuta explained. “We can talk if you want. Or try to sleep again. Don’t think it’ll work for me, but it’s the thought that counts, I guess.”

Si Cheng wrapped his arms around his legs, staring at the wall in front of him. “I just don’t get it, I- Yuta, I swear, I have _never_ seen them talk to each other like that, much less hit each other,” Si Cheng said in disbelief. “They’ve never been violent with each other, I just don’t know what could have, like what could have caused it, you know, I- I don’t know…”

Yuta sat up from the bed, putting his hand on Si Cheng’s shoulders. “Whatever their reason, Si Cheng, it’s not your fault, okay?”

“No, it’s- no,  _ clearly  _ I’m doing something wrong to make them act this way,” Si Cheng said, shaking his head, pushing Yuta’s hand away. “There has to be  _ something _ -”

“Look, Si Chengie- hey.” Yuta grabbed Si Cheng’s hand and held it, giving it a squeeze. “Look. Not to invalidate your feelings, but Si Cheng… it’s normal for siblings to fight, okay?”

Si Cheng wiped his face with the sleeve of his long pajama shirt. “No,” he croaked out, his eyes glistening with tears. “They can’t fight, Yuta.”

“It’s  _ normal,  _ Si Cheng,” Yuta repeated. “Maybe not to that extreme, Si Cheng, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love each other,” he said. “It could be that they had a bad day, or that some stuff has been building up inside them, it could be a small incident, it’s not your fault, okay?"

Yuta was met with silence from Si Cheng, the latter sniffling quietly. 

He pushed back some strands of Si Cheng’s hair behind his ear with his free hand, running his hand to his hair a few times before using his thumb to wipe away a tear. “I’m not saying it’s good they fight, Si Cheng,” Yuta continued. “It’s just not your fault, not everything that happens between them is your fault.”

“It just feels like it is,” Si Cheng whispered, hugging his knees closer to him. 

Yuta forced himself to take a deep breath. “You know how the last day I ever saw my brother, I fought with him, right,” he asked Si Cheng. “And my sister had nothing to do with the fight, only headed out after him when they left, and she still blames herself,” he said calmly. “It wasn’t, no matter how much I tell her, but siblings…” Yuta trailed off. “Yeah, we take the blame sometimes when we shouldn’t.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Yuta,” Si Cheng mumbled. 

“It was,” Yuta said. “I know it was."

Before Si Cheng could say anything to Yuta, they both heard a small knock on the door. 

“Oh, come in!” Si Cheng spoke up. “You can come in.”

The door opened slowly, revealing a wide-awake Chen Le, tugging a small blanket behind him. “I’m sorry, gege,” Chen Le whispered, not looking at his brother in the eye. “I can’t- I can’t sleep…”

“Join the club, buddy,” Yuta said, taking his arm off Si Cheng as he scooted to the side. “You didn’t wake us up, don’t worry.” 

“You can sleep here if you wanted to, didi,” Si Cheng said, taking the blanket of his legs. “It’s fine.”

Chen Le stepped closer towards the bed, shutting the door behind him as he climbed on it, sitting next to Si Cheng while wrapping his blanket around himself. 

Si Cheng wrapped his arms around Chen Le’s waist, setting his head on his younger brother’s shoulder. “You don’t have to go to school tomorrow if you don’t want to, just focus on getting sleep, Chen Le.”

“You don’t like us skipping school, though,” Chen Le muttered. 

“I don’t like seeing you sad either,” Si Cheng said, playing with a strand on Chen Le’s hair. “It hurts, you know.”

Chen Le tugged on a frayed string on his blanket. “If only you were there at school with me, you would have said something to them,” he whispered under his breath.

Si Cheng frowned. He had a feeling Chen Le wasn’t talking about his earlier argument with Renjun at school. “Said stuff to who, Chen Le?”

Chen Le shook his head. “Just the kids in math class making ‘what was she wearing’ jokes. They wouldn’t stop when I asked them too.”

“Chen Le- hey, I’m so sorry I asked,” Si Cheng said, bringing Chen Le closer to a hug. “I’m really sorry-”

“It’s fine, gege,” Chen Le said, his voice cracking at a pitch higher. “It was just a joke, according to them, they don’t think men could get raped anyways-”

“Chen Le.” Yuta hugged Chen Le as well. “Honestly, they could go  _ fuck  _ themselves for all I goddamn care, don’t listen to them- god, Chen Le, I know it’s hard, just- just don’t listen to them, please don’t-”

Si Cheng rubbed circles on Chen Le’s back, mumbling “I’m Sorry”s over and over again, barely even hearing the door open again a few minutes later, but didn’t say anything as he could feel Renjun hug Chen Le as well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would NEVER abandon this story, i honeslty just havent had time to write about it


	10. Strawberries Aren’t Berries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// mentions of: past sexual assault, past domestic assault, past sex trafficking (all of these come up either through characters having a conversations or in their thoughts)

Chen Le woke up, sandwiched between Yuta and Si Cheng. 

Even though the week had just started, they were already missing school, which was rare. He could only hope it wouldn’t be a normal occurrence; that would mean too many things happening, and he wanted them to stop. 

Last night, he couldn’t go to sleep, so he took out his phone around midnight to try to see if Jisung was up, knowing the latter was probably watching BTS Army Bombs on his phone. To his disappointment, however, Jisung must have taken his advice of sleeping more seriously, leaving Chen Le alone with his thoughts. 

He thought of his nightmare last nightmare. He could remember the pain, he could remember his fever getting worst, he couldn’t move his hands, they were pinned above his head, wondering about Si Cheng, Si Cheng, where was Si Cheng, where was his brother-

Chen Le could hear his heart beat faster, his hands shaking as he pulled the blanket up higher to cover his face. He felt someone’s leg over him, Renjun’s, he noticed. He had forgotten about Renjun. 

Renjun saw him cry last night, Chen Le remembered. Yeah, he remembered, he had come into Si Cheng and Yuta’s room after his nightmare, talking about what happened in school that day that caused him to be in a bad mood, according to Renjun. 

To put it simple, Chen Le did not like many of his classmates. For one, if people realized he was Chinese, he would get a lot of hate, and as much as he hated to admit it, this was a pretty misogynistic country, and his classmates were no different. 

Oh, how Chen Le wished his brother and his friends were in his classes with him. He hated being alone, he hated it. He missed being classmates with Jisung, who was cold to him in the beginning. Chen Le had no idea what made Jisung warm up to him, but that was Jisung to you. 

“Are you okay?” 

Chen Le took the blanket off his head, realizing Yuta was awake, staring at him. Chen Le often felt bad for crashing into Yuta and Si Cheng’s bed, but Yuta never seemed to mind, often holding them as well, which Chen Le was thankful for.

“I don’t know,” Chen Le said truthfully, covering his head with the blanket again. “You probably think I’m pathetic like my classmates.”

Yuta sat up, propping his head with his hand. “If this weren’t serious, I would pretend to be offended,” he said. “But Chen Le, I could never see you or your brothers as pathetic.”

Choosing to stay under the blanket, Chen Le gulped. He didn’t want Yuta to see him. “Did Si Cheng ever tell you?” he asked him quietly. 

“About- about what, Chen Le?” Yuta asked him. 

Chen Le didn’t say anything for a few seconds, and since he was under the blanket, he couldn’t see what Yuta was doing. “About me,” he said finally. “About me being pathetic.”

He could feel Yuta pat his head above the blanket. “I figured something happened in the past,” Yuta said truthfully. “Chen Le, I don’t tell this to just anyone, but… I know everyone goes to…  _ trauma  _ differently, but you remind me of how my sister acts.”

Immediately, Chen Le threw the blanket off his head, staring wide-eyed at Yuta. “Your  _ sister _ ?” he repeated. “Really?”

Yuta looked away, nodding. “Yeah,” he said. “By the same guy who killed my brother moments before. And to be honest, I don’t know if this morally makes me a monster, but I don’t regret shooting that fucker in the head.”

Chen Le hugged the blanket closer to his chest. “Si Cheng would never love a monster,” he said quietly.

At the mention of Si Cheng, Yuta couldn’t help but grin a little. “Oh, Si Cheng,” he said, stretching his hand over Chen Le to ruffle Si Cheng’s head, the latter fast asleep with a curled Renjun over him. “You don’t know how much I’m in love with your brother.”

***

Tuesday morning, Taeyong watched Linh from across the table eating her breakfast quietly. 

“Do… you… like it?” he said in Vietnamese, wondering if he said it correctly or not. 

Linh nodded her head, responding in Vietenamese as well. Taeyong couldn’t understand her response that well, but heard “strawberries” and “favorite”, so he’s assuming she liked the dish. 

“I’m… happy,” he responded. 

Taeyong had made a simple breakfast of strawberry pancakes. Ayaka really enjoyed them but never really ate them in the past, as Yeosol considered it a waste of time. They really just ate whatever Yeosol was in the moment for.

Thankfully, Linh never had to have met Yeosol, but what she went through when they discovered her all those nights ago was still horrifying, and it pained Taeyong to hear all about it. 

“Eomma!” Ayaka said in Korean, running up to Taeyong with a jacket in her hands. She didn’t like speaking in Korean, so it was rare for Taeyong to hear her call him eomma. “Can I wear this jacket for school?” she asked him.

Taeyong smiled, reaching out to ruffle her long hair. “Yes, you can wear it,” he said, picking up his fork with his free hand to point it at her. “But you need to remember to eat breakfast.”

“I will! I just can’t find my crayons!” Ayaka exclaimed. “And I really want to take them to school.” 

Taeyong got up from the table. “You can eat breakfast while I look for them for you,” he said, scooping up his daughter with his hands. “Remember what you learned in school about breakfast?”

“It’s the most important meal of the day!” Ayaka exclaimed, letting Taeyong set her down on the chair that he had been sitting at. “It makes you smart and strong!”

Taeyong grinned, kneeling on the floor in front of her as he held onto her hand. “Yeah, food is really important,” he said. “No matter what happens with school, food, sleep and your feelings are always first, Ayaka,” he said, standing up again and walking away. “I’ll go find your crayons, have some strawberry pancakes with Linh here, okay?” 

Ayaka nodded, so Taeyong left the kitchen and headed up the stairs, thinking of where Ayaka would've left her crayons. Back when they lived Yeosol, his ex absolutely  _ hated  _ it with even just  _ one  _ thing out, so Ayaka learned pretty early to never leave a mess. Luckily, Taeyong had always been a neat freak himself and would help her, but Yeosol, unfortunately, found other ways to get mad at him. 

He was about to go into her room when he remembered how the two of them drew pictures together before falling asleep, so he headed into his room, where soon enough, he found the crayons under his bed next to the nightstand. She had been drawing a picture of the four of them.

Taeyong picked them up and held them close to his hands, thinking about what happened last night. Jaehyun had gotten injured in a fight, and  _ that  _ had been quite the scare. One minute he was trying to enjoy himself with Ten and Si Cheng, the next he was hearing that Jaehyun got shot and went into a panic attack. 

He really did care about the latter. Jaehyun had helped him a  _ lot  _ these past few months because Taeyong himself was fucking useless. Like, he couldn’t do anything, and he  _ still  _ hadn’t even managed to find a job. ONE job. 

Honestly, how did Jaehyun even put up with him?

Taeyong really wished the latter wouldn’t get himself injured. From bits and pieces here and there, he’s learned that Jaehyun was part of a gang, but they weren’t really active anymore, many of the members desperately trying to lay low now. It was dangerous, that part of their past to always follow them, but…

He didn’t even ask much for himself, he just wanted them to be all safe. Taeyong himself didn’t even live that long, as long as his daughters, his friends and Jaehyun remained safe, that was all that mattered. 

Box of crayons in his hand, he left his room and slowly went down the stairs, still thinking about Jaehyun. Jaehyun hadn’t texted him at all this morning, so the last time they talked to each other was last night when Jaehyun dropped him off. Taeyong could only hope the latter’s injury didn’t get worse. 

Taeyong reached the bottom of the stairs and headed towards the kitchen, where he could see Ayaka eating her pancakes, rambling something to Linh even though the older girl didn’t understand. However, they must have been sharing the same excitement, since Ayaka handed Linh the jar with strawberry jam, the latter taking it with glee. 

He leaned against the wall, watching the two of them in peace.  _ God, please don’t take them away from me,  _ he thought.

***

  
  


Yuta was  _ this  _ close to ramming the grocery cart into the frozen food aisle and knocking himself out in the grocery store. 

Fortunately (or in his case, unfortunately), Johnny was there with him, so when Yuta tightened his grip on the shopping cart, Johnny grabbed a hold of it. “Dude, what’s wrong, is this about Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun, in question, was staying with Lucas at the moment. Since Lucas had the good graces of Jungwoo’s father’s gang, Lucas always let them stay with him in case they were ever in trouble. No one ever took it unless the others forced them to, which had been the case with Jaehyun, who was desperate to make sure Taeyong was okay back home. 

Yuta couldn’t really blame him; he had really wanted to stay home all day with Si Cheng and his brothers, but he really wanted to get to the bottom of this. There was just a lot going on, and hopefully things didn’t escalate from here. 

He thought of what happened last night, Chen Le crying in their room and what they spoke about this morning, and the whole thing left knots in Yuta’s stomach.

Are there  _ really  _ sick pedophiles in the world that would fucking take advantage of children??  _ Really? _ Why the  _ fuck  _ do they still fucking exist?!

Yuta didn’t know much about what happened to Chen Le, but he wanted to fucking stab every child molester dead. 

“Nothing’s wrong,” Yuta said, tightening his grip a bit more until his knuckles turned white. “I’m fine-”

“Bro, with that smudged eyeliner under your eyes, it looks like you’re going to kill someone,” Johnny pointed out. 

Yuta glared at him. “Oh, I will, I promise you that,” he muttered under his breath. “And I’m not wearing eyeliner.”

Oh, they were eyebags, Johnny realized. “Well, calm down and buy your groceries or whatever,” he said, taking the cart slowly from Yuta. “You said you wanted to make something for Si Cheng.”

“Tea,” Yuta said, rubbing his eyes. “And pocky for his brothers. They wanted pocky, I think. I’ll find something for them.”

Yuta opened the glass doors and took out two bags of frozen Chinese pork dumplings and dumped them in the grocery cart. He had absolutely  _ no  _ desire to cook dinner tonight, and for lunch he was buying Si Cheng sushi anyways. Fuck cooking.

“Are you still worried about the people that knock at their house?” Johnny asked him. It was probably the wrong thing to say, though, because Yuta turned to look at him with such an intense speed that it was a miracle how he didn’t snap his own neck. “You told me about what Renjun and Chen Le told you.”

“I know, it’s just-” Yuta stuffed his hands into his jacket, sighing. “We should probably finish, I  _ really  _ don’t want to leave them alone at home.” 

“Yeah, I get it, I get it,” Johnny mumbled, leading them away from the frozen food aisle. “Let’s get your pocky and tea and get the hell out of here, I already got some bandages for Ten.”

Yuta didn’t say anything for a bit, pushing the cart alongside Johnny as they headed towards the aisle with all the snacks. “How are things going with him?” Yuta asked quietly. 

Johnny stuffed his hands into his jean pockets. “I just worry, you know?” he told Yuta. “For, unironically, ten years, Yuta, and it’s just… awful, knowing that I unfortunately play a part in his nightmares.”

“You- Johnny, you know it’s not your fault,” Yuta tried to explain to him. “Just- have you tried talking to him about it?”

“No,” Johnny said honestly. “I don’t want to trigger anything.”

They reached the section with different treats. They must have been falling behind with stocking or something, since the only flavor left was strawberry. Oh, well, pocky is pocky, after all. 

Yuta grabbed the rest of the boxes that were there and put them in the cart, stacking them neatly. “Relationships are about communication, Johnny,” Yuta reminded him. “It’s clearly bothering you and you have to talk to him about it.” 

“That’s different,” Johnny said. “I mean, how the hell do you start a conversation with ‘hey, I’ve been dealing with huge amounts of guilt these past few months because in the past I would pay someone to have sex with you even though I thought you did it by choice and thus I was contributing to sex trafficiking?’”

Yuta sighed. He knows that Johnny and Ten have had that conversation before, of all the stuff that happened before they got into a relationship, but Johnny still couldn’t get over it. “I think… I don’t know, I don’t want to give you any bad advice,” Yuta said, pushing the cart towards the end of the aisle. “It sucks.”

“It does and I hate it,” Johnny said. “I hate it everytime when Ten has a nightmare or when he gets a flashback while we’re having sex or when he recognizes someone in public, it’s not fair, it’s not fair that he had to deal with this for over a decade, and god, I wish Insung were alive just so that  _ I  _ could shoot him this time.”

“This probably makes me a bad person but I did enjoy shooting that motherfucker in the face as well,” Yuta muttered to himself. “I’m just glad Si Cheng never has to see him again.”

***

“Did I ever tell you how much I love you?” Donghyuck was telling Mark after school. 

It was just the three of them, Mark, Donghyuck and Jeno. Chen Le and Renjun didn’t show up to school today, both of them saying that something came up and gave no other explanation whatsoever. They started to wonder if this had to do with the two brothers cancelling their plans yesterday, but the last thing they wanted to do was to pressure them into spilling. 

“No,” Mark lied, hearing it every hour, everyday, just the way he liked it. “I don’t think so. Care to remind me?” 

Donghyuck took another bite of Mark’s strawberry cheesecake. “I love you,” he said, mouth half-full of food. 

Mark would have kissed him if it weren’t for the latter chewing, so he gave him a peck on his cheek. “I love you, too.”

Jeno hated third wheeling, realizing how much he took Chen Le and Renjun’s presence for granted, so he took out his phone to try to text Renjun and ask him if he’s feeling any better. 

Oh, how Jeno wished to go to the cafe today. He had been trying to get over his small, pathetic, crush on Renjun, and instead decided to see this very cute guy at the cafe who had dyed pink hair. He didn’t know his name, only his surname Na because the baristas would write that for his orders. Sure, the cute guy wasn’t Renjun but… it was a start, he supposed. 

“Mark, I don’t think I told you I love you today,” Donghyuck repeated again. 

“Haechan, just take the cheesecake,” Mark said. “Eat it at once so that I can finally make out with you or something.”

“‘Or something’” Donghyuck said, using air quotation marks before stealing Mark’s cheesecake. “But thank you, Mark, I love you.”

Jeno  _ really  _ wanted to get out of there, so he looked around only to see some creepy, old middle-aged man walking towards them. “Mark, are you going to drive us away, soon?” Jeno asked him. He didn’t like to ask them for anything, but… “This guy in the distance looks like he’s going to kidnap us.”

“Hmm, what?” Mark asked, looking around to see what Jeno was talking about. “Oh, jeez, we’re going to die, he looks creepy as  _ fuck _ .”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if any of us five have ever been kidnapped before,” Donghyuck said, finishing the cheesecake that he stole from Mark before he turned to see what they were looking at. “Hold on, what the fuck?”

As they saw the man getting closer to them, Mark stepped forward. “Yo, are you looking for someone?” Mark asked him, thankful that they were still in the school grounds due to them being lazy at the moment. 

The stranger spoke in a low, raspy voice, as if he were a chain smoker. “I’m looking for Renjun and Chen Le,” he said in an accented Korean. “Do you know where they live? I need to talk to their older brother.”

Donghyuck pointed his fork at the creepy man. He looked like he had come out of work from a fast food restaurant, still wearing a uniform with a nametag that read Joosuk. “If you go to the gated community five minutes from here, they live in this house with a bunch of flowers on the front, you  _ can’t  _ miss it.”

“Bro, that is  _ not  _ an address,” Mark said.

“I don’t even know my own address,” Donghyuck reminded him. 

“Okay, well, what’s mine?”

“3821 North-”

“Thank you so much,” the stranger said, walking away from then. 

Jeno wrapped his arms around himself. “I don’t think you should give out people’s addresses to strangers,” Jeno warned Donghyuck. 

“I mean, it’s not like he was going to kill them,” Donghyuck said, throwing the dirty plastic plate with cheesecake remains into the trash beside them. “He knows about Si Cheng, that’s something.”    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been a while but im feeling better now, i hope you guys are doing okay


	11. Everyone's the Same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight? trigger warning? someone faints cause of a past memory (not explicit)
> 
> Also SPOILER SPOILER *coughs* sexual content

Renjun’s eyes widened at the necklace Jaemin was trying to give him. “Jaemin, you- you  _ really  _ didn’t have to.”

Jaemin shrugged, smiling. “Renjun, it’s a gift, don’t worry about it,” he said. 

Renjun opened his mouth, trying to say something but couldn’t. After so long, he was  _ still  _ not used to Jaemin giving him presents. 

The two of them were on Renjun’s porch, where they had been sitting for an hour. Jaemin didn’t plan on them seeing each other today, as he had been busy, but since he had some free time, he wanted to see Renjun and see how he was faring, so the two sat outside talking to each comfortably, as the usual. 

At the moment, a phone ring interrupted them, coming from Jaemin’ pocket. “Oh, that’s probably my boss,” Jaemin said, closing the Tiffany and Co. box and grabbing Renjun’s hand, clasping over it. “I have to go to work soon.”

“Your job as a welder?” Renjun said, laughing. Last time he remembered, Jaemin hated the sound of someone biting their fork. 

Jaemin grinned, white teeth on full display. “How  _ else  _ am I going to make you your present?”

“This present that you  _ still  _ have been teasing about?” Renjun said, laughing. “Jaemin, you’re something else.”

“One thing’s for sure, I’m your  _ boyfriend _ ,” Jaeminr reminded him, closing his eyes. “Give me my kiss before my boss yells at me.”

“Oh, all right,” Renjun said, standing on his tiptoes as he gave Jaemin a peck on his cheek. “There.”

Jaemin pouted. “No fair, a real one,” he said. 

Renjun stuffed the box with the necklace in his jacket as he tiptoed again, arms clasping around Jaemin’s neck as they gave each a long, overdue kiss, lasting a good minute before Jaemin pulled away. 

“Okay, I’m going to work now, I’ll see you tomorrow on our dinner,” Jaemin said, grinning as he walked away backwards, one hand in his jeans while the other waved to Renjun. 

Renjun leaned against the pillar on the porch, hands stuffed in his jacket where he could feel the necklace box, smiling as he saw Jaemin walk away. 

He stayed out there for a while, long after Jaemin got in his car and drove away, thinking of the past few days and events.

It was nice, he thought, being able to relax with Jaemin for a while, even if it was only for an hour outside of his house. The almighty Kim Jongin knew he needed a break. 

Yesterday, he had gotten into a fight with his brother, literally right after Yuta and his friend Jaehyun got into a dangerous situation. Si Cheng had let them stay home today instead of heading to school, but that just made Renjun more stressed knowing what had happened and wondering what he should expect. 

A long time must have passed, he realized, when he heard the front door behind him open, causing him to turn around to see Chen Le, who was clutching onto a blanket. 

“Is Jaemin gone?” Chen Le asked quietly. 

Renjun nodded, arms crossing over his chest as he stepped inside. “Yeah, he is.”

“Oh,” Chen Le said. “Okay. Well, Si Cheng said Yuta is coming from the store soon and we’re about to prepare the table for lunch, Yuta bought something microwavable or something of the sort.”

“Sounds cool.” Renjun closed the door of the house, locking it tightly as he gave another good look to Chen Le. “How are you holding up?”

Chen Le frowned. “What do you mean holding up?”

“I’m just... “ Renjun tried to think of the correct words to say to Chen Le. The last thing he wanted was for them two to get in a fight again. “Worried, I guess. About all of us.”

Chen Le shifted his position on the floor. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “I’m scared for Si Cheng.”

Of  _ course  _ Renjun was scared and worried for Si Cheng, he always was, but at that moment, that  _ particular  _ moment, Renjun was most definitely thinking about Chen Le. 

And, knowing his didi, he wasn’t going to like it if Renjun said he was worried about him. 

“Hey, Chen Le?” Renjun asked. “I- can we talk later?”

Chen Le shrugged. “For what?”

“I- I just want to talk,” Renjun explained. “I know it’s my fault, but I feel like we’ve been distant and I just want to catch up.”

He heard his younger brother sigh. “Okay,” he said. “Yeah, okay-”

Suddenly, they heard someone knocking the front door, reminding them that they were still in the foyer. 

“Oh, it’s probably Yuta,” Renjun said, standing on his tiptoes to look out the peephole. 

However, once he realized that it  _ wasn’t _ Yuta, he fell back on the floor. 

“Renjun?!” Chen Le asked, kneeling on the floor to help him get him. “Er ge, what is it-”

As if on cue, the knocking got louder, Renjun grasping onto Chen Le’s hand tightly. 

“Where’s Yuta,” Renjun whispered, his eyes wide. 

Chen Le froze as well, stealing a glance at the door. “Is- is it the people from the knockings?”

Renjun didn’t say anything, still staring at the door, so Chen Le spoke up louder. “Renjun-”

“It’s Joosuk,” Renjun whispered again. “I- it’s him.”

Chen Le let go of Renjun and stood up, stepping back from the door. “Tell me you’re wrong, hyung, please-”

“What’s going on?” They both turned around to see Si Cheng standing away from them, a tray of ice cubes in his hands. “Guys? Renjun, how did things with Jaemin go-”

“Needles,” Renjun sputtered out before his eyes rolled to the back of his head, passing out.

  
  


***

  
  


A teardrop fell on the phone screen, where Taeyong could read yet another job rejection. 

He shook his head, rubbing his face with his sweater sleeve. “He was right,” Taeyong whispered. “I really  _ can’t  _ do anything-”

“Taeyong.” He looked up to see Jaehyun in front of him, a worried look on his face. “Hey.”

Not replying, Taeyong shook his head, swallowing back down a sob. “I- I need to keep looking,” he said slowly, looking up to the ceiling as he willed his tears to go back down. 

“Taeyong,” Jaehyun repeated. “You don’t need to look-”

“I need to get a job,” Taeyong interrupted him. “I have to take care of them.”

Jaehyun didn’t say anything in response, running his hand through his hair. He knew there was no point in changing Taeyong’s opinion; the latter had been adamant about this for a long time and will  _ still  _ be stubborn. 

He knew Taeyong had married someone rich over a decade ago, Yeosol who probably promised him all the gifts and love that he could give him, and look how that turned out. 

It was hard to watch, though, see Taeyong be depressed about it, while Jaehyun knew that he himself had money and could just help Taeyong. The latter  _ didn’t need a job _ .

“There’s a lot of jobs out there,” Jaehyun said, trying to console him. “You’ll find one, Taeyong, trust me, it just might take some time.”

Taeyong looked at his phone screen again, tapping on the screen. “I’m going to try applying to some restaurants again, I guess,” he said softly. “They always have changes in employment.”

Jaehyun nodded. “Yeah, that- that sounds good,” he muttered. “But don’t hesitate to tell a bitch off.”

“I- I can’t do that!” Taeyong yelled at him, ignoring Jaehyun’s laughing face. “Jaehyun, you can’t argue with customers-”

“Fuck the customer is always right policy,” Jaehyun said, still laughing. “Taeyong, I would  _ pay  _ you to tell a bitch off, that would be great.”

“I'm pretty sure anyone would get fired,” Taeyong reminded him, but at last, Jaehyun was able to see a smile spread on his face. “I- Jaehyun, you’re weird.”

“I know,” Jaehyun said, grinning at him. “Although, word of advice, if you run out of insults, just roast them about their hair, that always works.” 

Taeyong shook his head, staring at the phone in his hand. “Insulting is  _ not  _ really my best forte,” he said. “But I’ll keep that in mind.”

The phone in Taeyong’s hand started blaring, the time being displayed on the screen and the turn off button present. 

“Oh, I have to pick them up from school,” Taeyong said, standing up from the couch. “I don’t want them to wait for me.”

“Hey, don’t worry, I’ll take you,” Jaehyun offered. “I’ll go with you, don’t worry.”

***

Si Cheng dashed towards Renjun who had fainted on the floor, lifting him up. “Did he say- did he say-”

“Yeah,” Chen Le said, referring to the needles comment. Renjun didn’t often have flashbacks to when he was ODed, but on the rare cases that it happened, he often went into a state of shock. 

Si Cheng hugged Renjun close to his chest, pushing away strands of hair on the younger’s forehead. “Who’s at the door that caused him to think of it?” Si Cheng asked. “Who?”

And at that moment, Chen Le hesitated. 

What he told Renjun was true: he didn’t want Si Cheng to worry anymore. If Renjun was right and it really  _ was  _ Joosuk at the door and Si Cheng knew about it… he didn’t know how his older brother would act. 

Si Cheng has had a lot to worry about from the past few days, and no doubt him and Renjun hadn’t been helping him with their bickering. 

“I don’t know,” Chen Le said at the end. “Maybe people who… request blood donations or something, they often have needles.”

Si Cheng stood up, carrying Renjun in his arms. “Can you answer the door?” he asked Chen Le. “I’m going to take Renjun to his room and stay with him until he wakes up.”

“Uh, okay,” Chen Le said. He knew Si Cheng wanted to make sure Renjun didn’t get any nightmares. “I’ll stay down here.”

“Yeah, Yuta should be here soon,” Si Cheng added. “Tell me if you need anything, didi.”

Si Cheng headed up the stairs, Renjun still unconscious in his arms, leaving Chen Le alone in the foyer. 

When his older brother finally left, Chen Le dared himself to peek out the peephole, where now there was no one; whoever had been knocking finally left. 

Maybe Renjun had been hallucinating, he told himself. Si Cheng  _ had  _ run into their stepfather a few days ago, and of course it would be in their minds wondering if he had found out where they lived or not. 

At that moment, his phone rang, so Chen Le took it out of his pocket, staring at the caller ID. It was Jisung, who must have gotten out of his own school back in Seoul. 

Chen Le answered it, pressing the phone slowly against his ear. “Hey.”

“Yello,” Jisung said back into the receiver. “How was school? Better than here, I assume.”

Oh, right, Chen Le didn’t tell him that he didn’t go today. “Uh - as normal, I guess. Nothing - nothing uneventful happened.”

“Same here,” Jisung said. “I hate everyone here sometimes.”

Chen Le stood in front of the window, peering out the curtains. “You hated me too,” he reminded him. “When we were first partners for the project.”

“That’s different,” Jisung said quickly. “That was  _ completely  _ different.”

“No it wasn’t,” Chen Le continued. “You had just met me and you already hated me.”

Jisung didn’t say anything at first, so Chen Le headed up the stairs to go to his room; he was  _ not  _ about to be alone downstairs. 

“It wasn’t personal, Chen Le,” Jisung finally said. “I- I mean, I still do, hate everyone. I just, no, I know I’m really negative at times, and I probably take it out on everyone-”

“No, Jisung, it’s- I’m sorry, you’ve talked to me about this before, I don’t know why I brought it up,” Chen Le stammered. “It’s fine, I-”

Chen Le finally reached his room, so he opened the door and closed it shut behind him, locking it out of habit before he threw himself on his bed.

“Did something happen yesterday?” Jisung said finally. 

Chen Le sat back up. “What do you mean, yesterday?” he questioned his boyfriend. “Don’t you mean today?”

“I mean, I guess as well today,” Jisung added. “But you texted me weirdly yesterday and today as well, which is why I wanted to call you, I’m just worried-”

“ _ Everyone  _ is worried!” Chen Le shouted through the phone. “Everyone is always worried about  _ something  _ and-”

“Woah, woah, Chen Le-” Jisung interjected. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, I’m just- I guess it’s natural to worry, plus, I don’t see you that often.”

Chen Le shut his eyes tight, gripping onto the phone. “Something did happen,” he whispered. “But I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about it.”

“Okay, that’s fair,” Jisung said. “We can hang out today and forget about it, I found more music and groups we could try stanning if you want.”

“Am I supposed to believe you’ll replace your love for BTS with another group?” Chen Le teased him.

“I’m not replacing anyone with anything,” Jisung defended himself. “I don’t see  _ you  _ picking between EXO or Myname-”

“And I never will,” Chen Le concluded. “I love them all equally.”

He could hear Jisung laugh on the other side of the receiver. “Tell that to your brother Renjun.”

“Well, Renjun would never admit it but he appreciates GOT7 a lot,” Chen Le explained, remembering how Renjun would refuse to state Jackson as his bias. “And he knows they are about to disband so he’s been sad about it.”

“Hell, I would be too,” Jisung said. “Jin is going to enlist this year and I’m going to cry about it.”

“At least your group isn’t on hiatus at the moment,” Chen Le muttered. 

“I _ know _ , which is why we should find a group for the two of us,” Jisung said. “Hopefully a new group that won’t leave us crying for now.”

Chen Le pulled up his throw blanket to cover his body, rolling over to the side. “Yuta is about to come home,” he told Jisung. “You can eat with us. I don’t think we’ll eat until a while later, so you can make it.”

He thought of his brother Renjun, passed out in his room with Si Cheng being with him. 

Hopefully Renjun had been wrong.   
  


***

  
He noticed the weird atmosphere during lunch, but he didn’t say anything, clearly no one wanting to talk about it. 

Jisung had come over again and ate lunch with them, having been invited by Chen Le, so now he along with the two younger brothers were up in the loft, hanging out as usual. Chen Le also told him and Yuta that their other friends from school were going to come visit later, since they were worried that they didn’t show up today at school. 

Thus, this left Si Cheng and Yuta alone again. 

Si Cheng was in their room, folding his sweaters, as he did laundry earlier. He was being really quiet, Yuta noticed, though this wasn’t out of the usual; Si Cheng was always quiet. 

“Did something happen earlier?” Yuta asked him. “Everyone’s quiet."

Si Cheng, who had another sweater in his hand, didn’t fold it, instead, clutching it close to his chest. “Renjun just had a flashback,” he said softly. “And… I still feel like they are hiding something from me, but the last thing I want to do is pry it out of them.”

Yuta placed his head on Si Cheng’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around him as the latter didn’t move to continue folding. “There  _ is  _ a lot going on right now,” Yuta reminded him. “Your brothers are probably just thinking.”

“I- I guess,” Si Cheng trailed off, setting his sweater down beside him so that he could hold onto Yuta’s hands. “I hope everything turns out okay.”

“It will, love,” Yuta whispered into his ear, giving his neck a soft kiss. “You’re doing your best, the three of you, take pride in that.”

“Sometimes best isn’t enough,” Si Cheng said. 

“Maybe not,” Yuta agreed, leaning back on the bed, taking Si Cheng with him, the two of them lying down. “But it’s all you got, you know.”

Si Cheng didn’t say anything else, humming as he turned around so that he could see Yuta’s eyes. “You’re awfully optimistic for a Tuesday.”

“Ah, fuck, it’s Tuesday?” Yuta asked. “My bad, let’s cry about… your Kris Wu leaving EXO.”

“My Kris- not funny!” Si Cheng yelled, throwing Yuta a light-hearted punch, the latter laughing. “He was the  _ best  _ rapper!”

“So was Toru in One Ok Rock until he said it was a pain in the ass,” Yuta said, poking Si Cheng’s cheek. “Don’t sulk, love, Kris  _ still  _ raps, you know.”

Si Cheng hid his face on Yuta’s chest. “Not funny,” he muttered. 

Yuta let his hand go up Si Cheng’s shirt on his back, pressing him close to him. “What’s that song you sing often in Mandarin by that group?” he asked him. “Not the one from earlier, the one with the beautiful piano intro.”

Since he couldn’t see Si Cheng, he didn’t know the latter’s face was getting red. “Baby don’t cry?”

“That’s the one,” Yuta said. “I might learn piano one of these days just so that you can sing it.”

“You might just learn piano,” Si Cheng said, mocking him. “I thought you hated instruments.”

“Well, I think I can learn it,” Yuta told him with confidence. “I like to believe I have skilled hands.”

“Oh?” Si Cheng teased. “Interesting.”

Yuta smirked at him. “I can prove it to you if you want.”

Si Cheng grabbed onto Yuta’s shirt, pulling him closer. “If you want,” he said softly, refusing to look at him. 

They didn’t say anything after that, Yuta pressing soft kisses on Si Cheng’s neck, his boyfriend gasping quietly until Yuta finally turned his head to press a kiss on his lips. 

Si Cheng responded eagerly, letting go of Yuta’s shirt to hold onto his neck, pressing him closer. 

After a few seconds, Yuta pulled away, working on unbuttoning Si Cheng’s long-sleeve shirt. “I love it when you’re desperate,” he whispered, pressing more kisses on his neck. 

“I- I’m not the  _ only  _ one,” Si Cheng said out of breath, looking at the ceiling. Out of reflex, he reached out to grab onto Yuta’s hair. “Skilled hands indeed.”

Yuta finished unbuttoning, taking off the shirt from Si Cheng, the latter letting go of his hair momentarily. “Oh, I see how this is,” Yuta said. “I know what you really want.”

“And what is that?” Si Cheng said, not looking at him.

Yuta got to work on taking off Si Cheng’s jeans. “You don’t want my hands, you want my tongue,” he stated, softly kissing Si Cheng’s bare stomach. 

God, how he  _ loved  _ how quickly Si Cheng’s face got red. “I- Yuta!” he yelled, though he made no move to stop him. 

“Do you want me to stop?” Yuta said, his hands hovering over Si Cheng’s unbuttoned jeans. 

“I- don’t make me answer that question,” Si Cheng muttered, turning his head to the side. 

“No, I want to hear,” Yuta said, grinning as he took off his own jacket. “I like you being vocal.”

“You like me being- christ, don’t stop and stop stalling,” Si Cheng said, wrapping his right leg around Yuta’s waist. “All you do is tease me.”

“You’re the one doubting my skilled fingers,” Yuta said, taking Si Cheng’s jeans and boxers off in one go before throwing them off the bed. “I know we had lunch a while ago, but I will gladly eat again.”

Si Cheng grabbed a pillow beside him and covered his face. “Please stop.”

Yuta didn’t respond, getting off of the bed real quick to rummage in the nightstand drawer. “Where is that little fucker of a bottle-”

Si Cheng took the pillow of his face to look at Yuta. “Haha, you misplaced it like last time.”

“No I didn’t,” Yuta said, trying to defend himself. “How dare you think so negatively of me- aha!” He held up the bottle of lube to show Si Cheng. “See? I found it.”

His boyfriend covered his face with the pillow again. “Thankfully.”

Yuta sat between Si Cheng’s bare legs again, taking off his own shirt rapidly before opening the bottle, squeezing some lube in his hands. “Yes, thankfully,” Yuta repeated. “I promise to show you how skilled my fingers and tongue are.”

Si Cheng rolled a bit to the side, throwing the pillow off his face, whining. “All you do is talk and do nothing.”

“Now you’re just hurting my ego,” Yuta said, spreading Si Cheng’s legs wider before placing a lube finger on the latter’s rim. “But I’ll let it past because, again, I love seeing you so desperate."

Without another warning, Yuta inserted his index finger slowly, feeling how tight Si Cheng’s walls were around it, eagerly taking it in. 

Si Cheng let out a loud gasp, not saying anything in response to Yuta’s comment, wrapping both his legs around Yuta’s waist out of instinct.

Yuta took his time, humming to himself as he pumped his finger in and out of Si Cheng slowly, seeing the other writhed on the bed. “Si Cheng, gosh, how I love seeing you like this.”

“Hm?” Si Cheng muttered, reaching out his hands - he wanted to hold onto Yuta. “I’m- I’m glad- ah!”

Yuta had inserted another finger into Si Cheng, scissoring him as he leaned down so that the other could hug him. “Me too,” he said, letting their foreheads touch. “Gosh, I love you, I get so worried about you, Si Cheng, I really do care.”

“I- Yuta-” Si Cheng drawled out, his fingernails softly scratching Yuta’s bare back. “I- I don’t want you to worry-”

“But I do,” Yuta said, taking his fingers out of Si Cheng. “I do worry, and it’s like you said, we’re  _ always  _ going to worry, and I promise I’ll do my best to keep you guys safe.”

He saw Si Cheng’s eyes getting wet. “Yuta-”

“Hey, hey, hey-” Yuta pressed more kisses on Si Cheng’s lips, not wanting him to cry; he wanted him to feel better, not worse. “It’s fine, Si Cheng, I love you.”

“I love you too,” Si Cheng cried out, hugging Yuta tightly. “Whatever you do, please don’t get hurt.”

Yuta grinned, already knowing how Si Cheng was going to react to the next thing he said. “I won’t,” he said. “I’m indestructible-”

“I- I can’t believe you,” Si Cheng mumbled. “You always joke about that.”

“Well, I’m alive,” Yuta pointed out, pressing kisses down Si Cheng’s chest as he traveled down his body. “Or else I wouldn’t be doing whatever I’m about to do to you.”

He pressed Si Cheng’s legs farther apart again, kissing the inside of his thigh. He could hear Si Cheng heavily breathing, already knowing what was coming. Of course he did; it was one of his favorite parts when the two of them made love. Fuck, Yuta loves remembering the first time he ate him out.

“ _ Itadakimasu, _ ” Yuta whispered before sticking in his tongue, his only thought being wanting to pleasure his love. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i felt like this story was pure angst rn or exo talk so i put the smut tag to good use hehe  
> also got7... lets NOT talk about it thank you


	12. Drawings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// past events mentioned

Renjun pressed the Youtube button on the remote control, sighing. “I miss GOT7.”

Jisung, who had just stuffed a handful of popcorn in his mouth, chewed quickly before swallowing, ignoring the pain that went down his throat. “I thought you liked EXO,” he said sarcastically. 

“I can like two fucking groups, nimwit,” Renjun yelled at him, leaning over to grab a handful of popcorn before throwing it at Jisung. “Shut up mister ‘oh my group is still a thing-’”

“Er ge, don’t waste food.” 

Both Renjun and Jisung turned to look at Chen Le, who was sitting the farthest away from them, curled up as he drew in his sketchbook. 

“It’s fine, Chen Le, you know how it’s my job to annoy your brother,” Jisung said, scooting closer to sit next to Chen Le. “He won’t beat my ass, either way.”

“I won’t hesitate, bitch,” Renjun said, glancing at Chen Le one more time before staring at the television again. “Actually, now I want to watch MYNAME now.”

“Since when do you care about MYNAME?” Chen Le muttered, closing his sketchbook shut when he realized Jisung had gotten closer to him. “Jisung, what are you doing?”

Jisung shrugged. “I just wanted to see what you were drawing,” he said. “You don’t have to hide it from me unless it’s you marrying Chaejin or something, not gonna lie, I would feel hurt-”

“Are you threatened by him?” Renjun asked, typing in the search bar, wondering which video he should put on to cheer up his younger brother. “You think Chen Le’s love for Chaejin is stronger, don’t you?”

“I am not  _ threatened  _ by a maknae,” Jisung retorted back to him. “And if you’re gonna put a video, put the Japanese ones, they are the best.”

“Nanana, I’m not  _ listening _ !” Jisung could see how Renjun clicked on a video with a very familiar thumbnail with light purple in the background. “Chen Le, look, it’s your favorite.”

Chen Le, who put his sketchbook underneath his lap, stared at the screen, watching in silence as one of the members said the iconic “MYNAME’s back” line. 

“Yo, what’s wrong, you love saying that line,” Jisung pointed out. “Did they do something controversial recently that made you feel bad? They better not be homophobic.”

“Jisung, one of them was  _ literally  _ in a BL drama with some Imfact dude,” Renjun corrected him. “Although that doesn’t mean anything, either-”

“They didn’t do anything,” Chen Le interrupted the two of them. “I’m just tired, okay? I’m not really in the mood.”

Jisung thought of his conversation with Chen Le earlier and how worked up he had been getting. “It’s okay, school does that to you sometimes,” he said. “The others are coming later, right, maybe we can watch a show, there’s one that I saw on Viki that looks pretty good-”

He stopped rambling when he noticed how Chen Le wasn’t really paying attention, bringing his knees closer to his chest as he looked at the floor. 

Something was going on with Chen Le, he thought. Sure, Chen Le often had his days where he acted moody and depressed out of nowhere, but Jisung thought that was normal for everyone, of  _ course  _ everyone has bad days. 

This wasn’t just  _ one  _ bad day, though. It’s been going on for a couple of days now, and Jisung couldn’t for the life of him figure out what was the root of the problem. Chen Le had even lied to him about going to school today (Jisung had gotten many messages from their friends as to why Renjun and Chen Le didn’t show up), and as he said before, he wasn’t ready to talk to Jisung about it. 

Jisung was  _ very  _ tempted to ask Renjun about it, but the last thing he wanted was to invade Chen Le’s privacy, so he just had to show him unconditional support. 

“I miss GOT7,” Renjun said again, sighing as the Myname video finished and another started automatically, some Japanese one where they were partying. “It’s been too long- speaking of which, where are they anyways?!”

“Who, Mark, Haechan and Jeno?” Jisung asked. “I don’t know, I think Haechan is forcing Mark to buy him more cake, Chen Le, do you know?”

Chen Le looked at him, shrugging. “I don’t know,” he said. “I don’t really know.”

“Eh, Mark drives really slow, I’m not surprised,” Renjun said. “Actually, let’s watch EXO Showtime again.”

***

The week passed without worry, or at least, that’s what Renjun thought. 

Well, by without worry, he means not another sighting. Renjun had nightmares  _ twice  _ this week, and both times when he went to Si Cheng and Yuta’s room to sleep during the middle of night, Chen Le had already been there curled up with them, no doubt having nightmares, too. It came to a point where Renjun just asked to sleep with them Thursday ahead of time. 

He thought he was going insane. His nightmares, his memories and flashbacks that would come during the day would remind him of that day; he was  _ certain  _ that he had seen Joosuk at the door, but there was never another incident. 

Renjun had been sure that he had  _ not  _ been hallucinating. It was startling, how real it felt that Joosuk had been present, but if it  _ was  _ a hallucination, then maybe something was wrong with his head. 

Of course, it’s not like he could talk to Si Cheng about it, nor did he want Jaemin to think he was going crazy, and there was only one other person who could talk to. 

It was Friday afternoon, and him and Chen Le had just come home from school, meaning that they were free to do whatever for the rest of the weekend, thankfully. Although it would probably be smart to study or something, Renjun had said a big fuck it to his homework and threw it under his bed, not wanting to think about it for at least today. 

Si Cheng had made them some pork belly for lunch, which the four of them all ate together in the dining room before Si Cheng left. He had been trying to teach Linh, Taeyong’s daughter, Korean, since he could communicate with her in Mandarin, and from what the brothers could tell, he’s been enjoying it. 

Yuta was home, but after Si Cheng left, he was acting jittery in his room, on the phone with someone in what they assumed to be in Japanese. Renjun had no idea what was going on there, but he was probably talking to his sister again. 

After eating lunch, Renjun found himself in the basement with Chen Le, who was sketching on a canvas. It was a new project of his, Renjun inferred, since the lines appeared to be recent and Renjun had no clue what it was supposed to be.

“What’s that?” Renjun asked, curious. He had been coloring a flower in a coloring book, but his fingers started cramping so he wanted to distract himself. “Is that new?”

Chen Le stopped his marks but didn’t look at Renjun. “I guess you can say that,” he said, glancing off the canvas to pick up his sketchbook. “Here, hold on.”

He flipped through the pages rapidly, not giving Renjun enough time to see the pages, before finally stopping on a drawing and handing it to his older brother. “I’m trying to do this,” he said, picking up his pencil and continuing the marks on the canvas again. “I don’t know if I should do watercolor or acrylic.”

Renjun held the sketchbook in his hands, staring intently at the drawing. 

It had been done in pure pencil, no doubt one of the ones they used in school. It had been drawn on constantly, since there were small but noticeably parts where the pencil had been smeared against Chen Le’s hands at one point, which was rare - on finished drawings, Chen Le never left mistakes like that unless it was a draft, like how he was doing it on a canvas. The shading had been done roughly, too, also unlike him. Though, once Renjun realized what the drawing  _ was,  _ it suddenly made sense.

It was a landscape, a forest to be specific, one that required detail, so obviously Chen Le wasn’t going to pay much attention to the rough draft. There was a fuckton of trees and tiny drawings of birds and mountains and a stream with accurate reflections drawn into it.

The center of the forest was drawn, no sign of humanity around, except for one person, so miniscule compared to his surroundings.

“Are you going to give this to him?” Renjun asked, after around a minute of looking at the drawing. “Are you going to tell Jisung?”

Chen Le stopped his marks again to look at Renjun. “I don’t know,” he said. “It’s personal to him, so I can’t enter it for class, but… I don’t know what I’ll do with it.”

“It’s your decision,” Renjun reminded him. “But I’m telling you, knowing you, the painting on the canvas is going to look  _ extremely  _ realistic. And I think you should use acrylics. Fuck oils.”

“Every medium is useful,” Chen Le muttered, drawing more marks on the canvas. “But, yeah, maybe acrylics would be better, but I was never considering oils in the first place, that’s for something later.”

Chen Le was back to making the sketch on the canvas, leaving Renjun to stare at the draft in the sketchbook some more. You could only see the back of Jisung, though Renjun knew it was him because he had his backpack and his beanie on, plus he  _ was  _ the tallest out of the friend group - no, the tallest out of everyone he knew, except like two of Yuta’s friends that he could remember.

“Why a forest, anyways?” Renjun asked, still curious about the drawing. “Why Jisung in the forest?”

“I can’t really explain it,” Chen Le uttered. Renjun could see how some of the lines were starting to make sense; he could make out some basic outlines of the trees. “Like I said, it’s personal.”

“Well, I love the detail on it, trust me, didi, it’s going to be a good painting,” Renjun encouraged him. “All your drawings are amazing.”

Chen Le hummed, not saying anything in response. He hasn’t really been chatting lately, even when Renjun puts something they enjoy, like EXO or Ode to Joy. 

And, Renjun being the nosy sibling when it came to his brothers, wanted to know why. 

Making sure Chen Le wasn’t looking, Renjun carefully lifted the page up, trying to see the drawing after it. It was a simple page of tiny sketches; a wilted flower, a moon with the words “message the moon” underneath, donuts on a plate with powder, a strawberry bush. Odd items, in Renjun’s opinion. 

He turned the page again, taking a quick glance at a drawing of a black pearl when the sketchbook disappeared from his view. 

Renjun looked up, a furious Chen Le holding the sketching, who had snatched it from him. “Chen Le-”

“ _ No one  _ said you could go through that!” Chen Le exclaimed, flipping the pages back to see the original drawing. He was using it as a visual, after all, and wanted to take another glance at it when he saw Renjun with it. “Respecting boundaries, my ass.”

“I- okay, fine, I was being nosy, I’m  _ sorry _ ,” Renjun apologized, not wanting another fight between them to erupt; all they have been doing these days is fighting, anyways. “Hey-”

Chen Le threw the sketchbook in front of him, the book landing with a thunk on the desk. “No you’re not."

"Yes I _am,"_ Renjun restated. "I wasn't being malicious, Chen Le, I just wanted to know your thoughts-"  
  
  


"Thoughts of _what_?" Chen Le asked him, scoffing. "Is that what you've been trying to do these days when you yell at me?"

"Okay, I know we've been fighting but I would _never_ do that on purpose," Renjun said, his voice getting louder. 

"If you hated me, maybe," Chen Le muttered.

“You're my brother, Chen Le, don't say that I hate you !” Renjun yelled at him. “You think I like things being tense with us? You think I like us being mad at each other and having to lie to our friends about why we miss school or go home early? Of course not!”

“And what the  _ fuck  _ does that have to do with going through my stuff?!” Chen Le yelled back. “Why can’t you accept a no when I tell you not to go through it?”

Renjun forced himself to take a deep breath. “Look, I’m worried, okay? About you.”

“Jesus fucking christ,” Chen Le muttered under his breath, throwing his pencil on the desk as well, where it bounced off it and landed on the floor. “Not you too-”

“See what I mean?” Renjun interrupted him. “Since when do you use a shit ton of swear words?”

“Since last time I checked, I can express myself however I want!” Chen Le yelled. “Or is that another lie from you and Si Cheng, too?!”

Renjun made eye contact, noticing how Chen Le’s eyes were getting wet. “I just want to know why you’re getting offended when someone says they’re worried,” he finally said. “You  _ did  _ promise to talk to me, Chen Le, and you know I wouldn’t force you but I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Chen Le looked away, staring at his sketchbook on his desk. “Renjun,” he whispered, “you already know the type of stuff I draw in there, I don’t know what else you were expecting.”

Renjun  _ did _ indeed know the dark drawings Chen Le would make. No matter how mad his younger brother would get, no matter if they would fight, Renjun always made sure to destroy them. 

“I know you express it through that,” Renjun said quietly. “But Chen Le, I feel like you’re doing it more…  _ frequently _ , I guess, and you’re more distant, I just feel like you’re not happy.”

“Er ge, how do you  _ want  _ me to be happy when the guy that put our brother on a pole, overdosed you and raped me till I got unconscious came back and-and threatened Si Cheng?” Chen Le cried it, a tear rolling down his cheek. “Don’t you see? Something’s going to happen and everything is over and- and- and-”

“Nothing’s over- didi.” Renjun wrapped his arms around Chen Le and pulled him into a hug. He could feel how Chen Le tightened his arms around him, squeezing him back with full force, his wet face pressed alongside Renjun’s. “Didi.”

He ran his fingers through Chen Le’s hair, saying nothing else as his younger brother cried in his shoulders, thinking of Joosuk stabbing needles of heroin into his arm over and over again, and soon enough, Renjun was crying as well.

***

“Si Cheng,” Renjun said during dinner later that evening.. “Me and Chen Le have to be honest with you about something.”

Si Cheng, who was about to take a bite of his rice, paused, setting the fork back down. “What is it about?” he asked, puzzled. “Is it about school?”

“If you’re failing, it’s fine, you know,” Yuta said, picking up another baozi from the center with his chopsticks. “I  _ doubt  _ your brother over here would yell at you.”

“They’re not  _ failing _ ,” Si Cheng said. “They just showed me their grades yesterday, Yuta.”

“I wish it were a failing grade,” Chen Le muttered. 

Si Cheng looked at him, his face softening. “Chen Le, what’s wrong?” he asked. “You guys can tell me anything, I won’t get mad.”

“Not at us, maybe,” Renjun also muttered, looking at Chen Le, who was staring into his own lap, no doubt playing with his fingers.

“I- hey, what’s going on?” Si Cheng said, raising an eye. “What do you mean by that?”

For a few seconds, neither younger brothers dared to look at him, staying quiet. They knew how Si Cheng was going to react. They knew. 

“There’s been some stuff that has been going on,” Renjun said slowly. “And we both know you’ll get worried, but the thing is, if you find out later not through us and you discover that we knew beforehand, we don’t want to think it could have been prevented or for you to get mad at us-”

“Renjun, why are you speaking so- so cryptic?” Si Cheng interjected. “Renjun-”

“And it’s just- it’s just, gege, it’s just we don’t know what to do and- and we thought everything would be back to normal and we  _ want  _ everything to get back to normal and-” Renjun continued to ramble, hiccuping as he could feel his eyes getting wet and blurry. He paused for a moment to wipe them dry, not wanting to cry in front of his older brother. “Gege-”

Chen Le, despite having already cried earlier, burst into tears again, covering his face as he made quiet sobs at the table. 

“Chen Le!” Si Cheng yelled, reaching over the table to grab his younger brother’s hand, prying it off his face. “Hey, what’s wrong, Chen Le-”

“ _Joosuk_ _is here_!” Chen Le sobbed in Mandarin, momentarily forgetting Yuta couldn’t speak their native language. Actually, he might have even forgotten he was there. “ _Joosuk is here and he knows where we live, he's here, he's here and I don’t want him to hurt me again!”_

Si Cheng froze, eyes widening in shock as Yuta beside him jumped out of his chair and stood behind Chen Le, patting his back. “Little bud, what’s going on?” he asked, not having understood what Chen Le said. “Hey-”

“Gege?” Renjun asked, not caring that tears were falling down his face as he looked at Si Cheng, who hadn’t moved. “Gege?”

He could see how Si Cheng squeezed Chen Le’s hand tighter, but he remained in a daze, his eyes out of focus as his mind instantly went back to the day Insung had told them that Joosuk had left and he was to pay back the debt. 

  
  


***

_ He was so tired.  _

_ This was the second time that week that Si Cheng went to their small changing room and accidentally slept, waking up when he could feel someone grab him by the back of his neck to throw him on the ground.  _

_ Thus, when he woke up the next morning, still in his outfit from the night before, he was startled to find his two younger brothers on the carpet, dressed for school with their backpacks as they quietly read small chapter books in Korean.  _

_ Si Cheng rose up slowly, his eyes adjusting to the light in the room when he suddenly threw the covers off himself. “YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT SCHOOL!” he screamed, instantly jumping off the bed and looked around the room, desperate to find his sneakers.  _

_ “Da ge, you’re awake!” Chen Le exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. “Da ge!” _

_ “Gege, why are your arms purple?” Renjun asked, pointing to Si Cheng’s arm. “Did you fall?” _

_ Si Cheng looked at arm, indeed staring at the ugly purple bruise that was forming, red in the inside where he could see the blood vessels. “Yeah,” he lied. “I fell, which is why I always tell you guys that you must be careful when walking.” _

_ “I’m  _ always  _ careful,” Renjun pointed out. “Unlike Junmyeon in the show.” _

_ “I love Suho!” Chen Le exclaimed again, instantly grabbing his tattered notebook on the floor and flipping through the pages. “I drew him today, da ge, do you want to see? It’s from the Growl music video!” _

_ Si Cheng stared at the clock on the wall. It was already past 10 AM, and he didn’t like his brothers going to school late, but it wasn’t their fault, anyways.  _

_ “Here, let me see,” Si Cheng said, sitting next to Chen Le on the floor, who was still flipping through pages. “Your drawings are amazing, I hope you know that-” _

_ As Chen Le was going through the book, though, there was a drawing that caught Si Cheng’s eye, though. It was noticeably darker compared to the rest in terms of shading, but that wasn’t the only thing that made it dark.  _

_ Si Cheng grabbed the notebook from the ground, surprising Chen Le. “Da ge, what’s wrong? I didn’t find the drawing yet-” _

_ “You always say we shouldn’t take things without asking,” Renjun pointed out, thinking his older brother must have forgotten.  _

_ Si Cheng didn’t say anything to either of them, flipping through the pages to find the drawing, and once he found it, he clutched it hard, his hands shaking.  _

_ The drawing was a drawing off Joosuk. It was a first person point of view drawing, where he appeared to be hunched over you, and he was wearing the same clothes as the last day they ever saw him.  _

_ After a few seconds of processing, Si Cheng threw the notebook on the ground, immediately hugging Chen Le from behind, hiding his head into the latter’s neck. “Didi, I’m sorry.” _

_ Chen Le, once he saw what the notebook had been opened to, didn’t reject his brother’s hug, staring at it. “Is he gone, da ge?” _

_ Renjun, confused, looked at the notebook. “What did you draw, didi- oh. Oh.” _

_ Si Cheng ran his fingers through Chen Le’s hair. “He’s gone, Chen Le, don’t worry,” he reassured him. “He’s gone.” _

  
  


***

  
  
  


Si Cheng was going to fucking kill him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just started classes again!!! im so happy!!


End file.
